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Techmoto: Sponsor of Monthly Meat Raffles
Discounts for Ulysses and SuperGold card holders, located in the iconic former industrial area now converted to shops and plenty of bars, cafes and above all, good coffee!
Phil and Gail Scott's Techmoto store caters for road and adventure riders with high quality helmets and apparel from Arai, Nolan and Spidi. There is a huge range of Givi and Ventura luggage, plus motorcycle-specific tools as well as spares and accessories.
Open weekdays 9.30-5.30 and 9.00-4.00 on Saturday Phone 09 4461610
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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
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Raffles
If it is your birthday this month, don't forget to take a bottle of wine for the raffles on club night.
If you have any unwanted gifts, donate them for the raffle prizes.
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Subscriber Details
At the bottom of this newsletter is a link so you can update your subscriber details. There is also a button if you really want to cancel your subscription.
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Wine Bottle Caps
Save your bottle tops from your wine bottles and bring along to each monthly meeting. These get passed onto Lions Club who collect as a fundraiser for Child Dialysis. Get your local restaurant on board and have them keep the bottle tops for you.
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Reviews and Photo Gallery
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The Cyclespot Group has had a long association with the Auckland Rescue Helicopter Trust.
We have custom built a one-off ‘Wall of Death’ replica Indian Scout to be auctioned in support of the outstanding, life-saving work they do. Trade-me auction closes Saturday 28th November 2015
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A weekend at Hawera for
South Taranaki Cruisers Blackjack ride.
This is a real fun weekend and coincides with the Taranaki Garden Spectacular. There has been some interest from the ladies that they would love to go to the gardens on display so next year we may take the opportunity to arrange alternate transport for the flower sniffers.
Photos: North Harbour Ulysses at motel, Water Tower, Wayne, Heading off on the Blackjack ride, full of the best sausages ever, oh and Pete telling lies!! Rotokare Scenic Reserve, Nigel getting 2nd place in Blackjack hand, Impressive coffee from The Nest at Pirongia on our homeward journey, Rotokare Scenic Reserve.
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November Club Meeting Night at the Cossie.
Grant from Cyclespot displayed a very expensive Norton.
Another great turnout at the club meeting. Sheriff Pete and wife Diane doing their bit for the club each month. Diane is great at extracting money for the raffles and the Sheriff does a "fine" job at collecting donations from club members for their misdemeanors. Your efforts are truly appreciated.
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Ronald McDonald House Cheque Presentation
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Wayne Howett, CEO of Ronald McDonald House Charities with Wayne Painter, Peter Webb and Vaughan Nankivell
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Request from Rayner Croad #9300
Is there any other couples out there considering travelling to USA, Canada and Alaska starting approx 8-12th July 2016? The trip will be 8 to 9 weeks with lay days at major cities and places of interest. There would be another 2 to 3 weeks in south California where it would be warmer, before coming home in early October.I am considering purchasing a bike in the States or Canada for the trip and leaving it there for another trip the following year in the eastern states. We would stay at motels on the trip.
If there is anyone interested in travelling with us?
All enquiries to
Rayner Croad
Membership no.9300
Ph 027 2801828
Click here to Email Rayner
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In our increasingly homogenous world, the motorcycle still represents individuality and freedom. You can jump on your bike and, for a while, escape the manicured lawns of suburbia and all the worries that plague our complex, modern lives. All is put on the back burner as you twist that throttle, lean into the bend and live the moment with a glint in your eye.
In Living the Dream, George Lockyer talks to 50 Kiwi bikers from all walks of life, including MP Phil Goff and musician Mal Foster.
What really amazed George about the whole experience of writing Living the Dream was how one contact led to another, which led to another. The whole project, which at first seemed quite daunting, soon began to snowball and take on a life and momentum all its own.
George uncovered some colourful personalities in the book with quotes such as:
‘We were a drinking club with a motorcycling racing problem, rather than the other way around.’
‘If I had to choose between it (the bike) and a beautiful woman, the bike would have probably won!’
But the thing that struck George the most about the riders interviewed for this book was the abiding passion for motorcycling and the camaraderie between motorcyclists.
Motorcycling is classless. The egalitarian nature of it is another of its many attractions. Anyone, rich or poor, can ride a bike and join the fraternity. And the older you get, the more appealing it seems to become. Why do we ride? For George, it’s quite simply about freedom.
George’s primary reason for getting into motorcycling was to travel on two wheels. To leave behind the monochrome conformity of a grey council estate in West London and escape to the wild blue yonder.
So this book is both a celebration and a tribute to all those Kiwis out there who choose to express their individuality on two wheels, and know too well the reason a dog sticks its head out of a car window!
George Lockyer is a regular monthly columnist for Kiwi Biker magazine. He lives in Christchurch.
Available in all good bookshops from November 9th 2015
For any queries please contact Bill Bateman at email
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Raffle Prizes and Tattle-Tales Wanted
“Sheriff wants unwanted gifts and wine for birthdays and worthy events in your LIVES “
And please email ‘SHERIFF, I HAVE A TALE’ to Pete.
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Can you solve this riddle?
You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Giggles & Groans from the Grandson
Q. What is the only question you can never answer honestly with a yes?
A. "Are you asleep?"
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Q: What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?
A: Holes.
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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like bananas.
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How do you get a sweet 80 year old lady to say the F word. Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "BINGO"
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Guess Who?
And who was he in photos last month ------ Peter Hodd
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Brent donates vouchers monthly for the Social evenings. Pop in to Spectrum and chat to Grant for bike services, bike sales and accessories.
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Become part of the Pro Rider Community
Visit your local motorcycle/scooter shop and ask about a Ride Forever voucher from Pro Rider, get one for a friend. Book via the Pro Rider website and have your say on our Facebook page!
The Pro Rider Riders Club is coming soon. Keep an eye on Facebook!
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The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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Need that badge sewn on, then call in on Merine.
Phone 021 708677
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
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Check runs list for organised ride with
Dave McAnulty
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Travelling to the South Island then check out
NZ Classic Motorcycles Museum - Nelson. Located at 75 Haven Road Nelson this is a purpose built museum showcasing one of the largest, comprehensive private collections of classic, veteran and vintage motorcycles and sidecars. It is believed to house one of the largest collections of Brough Superiors south of the equator and for a limited time, is the entrusted curator of the Britten motorcycle. If you are heading that way look them up on their website www.nzclassicmotorcycles.co.nz.
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Rider in Charge (RIC) would appreciate all participants of rides to be at the departure point 10 minutes early with a full tank of gas. If the weather looks suspect then please phone the RIC or check out North Harbour Ulysses facebook page to see if the ride is postponed or cancelled.
The Rider in Charge will be organizing the day. Contact them for details. All riders participating in a Ulysses Ride are expected to hold a current motorcycle license, wear suitable clothing and to have a registered and warranted road-worthy bike.
The organizers and/or the Ulysses Club are not responsible for participants safety and all participants participate at their own risk.
All participants are aware that they are traveling on open public roads and are responsible for their own safety and compliance with all Rules and Laws.
Please check your runs list as some rides or destinations may have changed from initial calendar entry.
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Club Night Meeting and Social Evening
Held at North Shore Cosmopolitan Club,
65 Paul Mathews Drive, Albany
1st Thursday of the Month.
Meals available from 5.30pm and meeting starts at 7.30pm
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NORTH SHORE DINNER NIGHT MAD DOGS & ENGLISHMEN Link Drive Wairau Park
Every 3rd Wednesday of the month 2014 (6 pm onwards), Bar & kitchen open at 5.30 pm.
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Pizza Barn Waipu
3rd time lucky
Departs BP Dairy Flat Service Centre at 10.00am
RIC: Peter Zaloum
Mobile: 021 1807840
Home: 09 4190725
Medium
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December 3rd. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club. Meals available from 5.30pm. Reservations Here
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Vintage Fields Classic Show Thames
Departs BP Papakura Service Station at 10.00am
RIC: David McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Home: 09 8109798
Medium
See full advert above.
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Note Change of Date
Coromandel Overnighter
Now 12th DecemberDeparts BP Papakura Service Centre at 10.00am
Phone RIC: Nigel Scott 021 2447724
to make bookings at a great motel.
Only four spots left so phone Nigel now.
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Christmas Party Dinner and Dance
Saturday 19th December 6.00pm startNorth Shore Cossie Club
Music by North Harbour Rockers
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First Ride of the year
See flyer above
January 1st
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Pick Your Own Destinations
Leave Cossie Club at 10.00am
January 10th and January 17th
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January 20th. It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive. Reservations Here.
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January
24th
Sunday
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Hard Arse Ride to Opononi for Lunch
Departs Kaukapakapa Fire Station at 9.00am
RIC: Paul Morrison
Mobile: 021 909350
Home: 09 4203247
Long
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February 4th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club. Meals available from 5.30pm. Reservations Here
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Pick Your Own Destinations
Leave Cossie Club at 10.00am
February 7th Waitangi Weekend
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Ulysses Auckland Charity Motorcycle Ride
February 14th Supporting the Rescue Helicopter.
See flyer above.
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February
21st
Sunday
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Parua Bay Tavern
Departs Dairy Flat BP Service Station at 10.00am
RIC: David McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Home: 09 8109798
Medium
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February
28th
Sunday
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Waitomo Area Ride
Departs Papakura BP Service Station at 10.00am
RIC: Peter Hyde
Mobile: 021 9977926
Medium
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Cambridge Toy Run
March 6th
See flyer above.
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Midweek Wednesday Rides and now Tuesday (check out NH Ulysses facebook page for details.)
Are you free to ride Midweek?
Why not join fellow Ulyssians on Wednesday's
Departs NS Cossie Club at 11.00am
Destination decided on the day.
These rides are proving very popular.
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Highlight your calendar with these upcoming rides or events.
Red Knights Burns Run
Ride for the Children of the Burns Unit.
February 2016
Taumaranui Cart Track Rally
February 12th to 14th 2016
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RATES QUOTED FOR:
Ulysses
A discount of 10% off the best available fare applies for travel dates
18 January through to 19 December 2016
Booking conditions and instructions for members are:
Each reservation must be made direct with Interislander online at www.interislander.co.nz
Also check out our Premium Plus onboard lounge upgrades for total comfort at www.interislander.co.nz/Premium-Plus.aspx for 18yrs plus
Simply insert the Promo code “XULY1”on the “Payment details” page then click on “enter” and this will apply the discount.
Membership card is required at the terminal on check in. No membership card and retail fares will be charged.
Space is subject to availability at the time of the booking request.
The normal conditions of the above fare type apply - e.g. Easy Change is 100% refundable if cancelled.
Bookings made through our call centre are at regular rates.
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Three men die in a horrific bike accident which collided with a car on Christmas eve. The three men go to the pearly gates St Peter said:
"You've got to pull something out of your pockets that has something to do with Christmas".
The 1st man goes to St Peter and pulls out a bunch of keys out of his pockets and St Peter asks "What has that got to do with christmas?"
The man shakes the keys and he explains "Well sir, they jingle". St Peter says "very good you can go in".
The 2nd man goes to St Peter and pulls out a lighter out of his pocket. St Peter asks, "What on earth has a lighter got to do with christmas?". The 2nd man answers back and explains "Well when you light them its like candles". St Peter says "very good you can go in".
The 3rd man goes up to him and he searches in his front pockets couldn't find anything, so he searches in his back pocket and finds a pair of ladies knickers. St Peter asks "What on earth has a pair of ladies knickers got to do with christmas? The 3rd man explains "These are Carols."
And so the Christmas season begins...........
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A big city lawyer went duck hunting...
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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A guy goes to the supermarket...
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says, "Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher.
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A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."
++++++++++++++++++++++++
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady Answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
++++++++++++++++++++++++
David had been suffering from premature ejaculation for years and his wife coaxed him to finally go to a hospital for treatment. David got admitted and underwent an operation.
His wife rang up the hospital to find out if the operation was a success, and the doctor informed her, "I'm sorry but it's still touch and go!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++
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Sergeants
Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
"Jasper," he says, "what fo' you give me the okay?"
"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants now!"
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A Push Please
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
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A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom,
With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,
And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy
To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears,
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and,
After awhile, she finds herself
Thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
Could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'
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Members Free Ads
Space here for Members advert. Please include Your name and membership number.
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Paul #8047 & Niki Morrison #8052
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Paul Gallagher # 3266
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Clive Hawthorn #8617
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Dennis Linton
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Steve Brackenridge New Member
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Ben Becker
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
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Any views or opinions presented in this newsletter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the North Harbour Ulysses Branch Committee.
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Please add editor's email address to your contacts to avoid your newsletter ending up in spam.
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Dates to Remember
