North Harbour Ulysses Newsletter.
Edition 19
February 2016

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Any time, contributions always welcome.   Email: Editor
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 Edition 19
This month's newsletter is shorter then normal and a little late.  After an unexpected trip to India for work in the new year, my time has been limited.

I have put together your newsletter since the Club's conception, 2 years ago.  I think it is time that someone else takes over the role with fresh ideas and new jokes.  Please consider this role and put your name forward for nomination.  I will always be available to help. 

Reminder:  If you have a gmail account

Note: When I send to an email address using the same domain in the reply-to (, it can sometimes trigger Gmail and others to categorize it as spam. Check your junk mail if the newsletter doesn't arrive in your inbox.

Jeni Van Driel
Welcome back we hope you had a great Xmas & New Year, as far as I know everyone stayed safe and there were no offs. Some of us went on Trevor Birchall’s New Year’s Day ride, unfortunately it started to rain heavily as we left McDonald’s and by the time we arrived at the first stop some of us pulled the plug and went home to dry out while the rest went straight to Mercer for Brunch. 

We had a great turnout of members, partners and visitors from other branches for our Xmas Dinner & Dance, the meal was fantastic and the band was excellent, along with the band followers we had a great evening. I think every-one must have eaten too much as most of the dancing was done by the visitors. Our branch funds accumulated by gear sales, raffles and the Sheriff’s fines paid for the band and subsidised the cost of member’s meals, so keep on buying those raffle tickets, being disgraceful and buy club regalia through our quartermaster. 


The Cossie Club is closing down due to lack of “Bums on Seats” so is no longer available for our club night, we have negotiated with the Pupuke Golf Club, 231 East Coast Road (opp Sunnynook Rd) Campbells Bay to use their clubrooms for our meetings which will start there on Thursday February 4th,  unfortunately they have a previous booking for the March 3rd club night so we will shift to Thursday 10th March but will switch back to the 1st Thursday of the month with the AGM night Thursday 7th April. Hours will be 5.30pm start with last drinks being called for at 8.30 and closing at 9.00pm, we will have the club house to ourselves, they will provide a professional chef and Bar Manager and the outlook is fantastic. Unfortunately we have to pay for the cleaners at a cost of $75.00 so a gold coin donation would be appreciated when you sign in. As with the Cossie Club non Golf Club members will have to sign in. 

Social membership is available for $25.00 a year, they have a members dinner night and raffles every Friday and in the non daylight saving period they do a Friday Night members draw increasing by $100 if not won, you have to be present to win. Some of us have already joined and tried the Friday Night meals, delicious!.  If you come on a Friday night the dress standard is collared shirts and no “T” shirts or Club vests. 

Is YOUR membership number here?  If so and you haven’t already paid, your subs are overdue.
9293 Shane, 8729 Graeme, 6960 Shane, 9064 Sue, 9065 Rob, 8908 Jim, 5167 Maureen, 8560 Sue, 9203 Vicki, 7618 Brian, 9249 Jeremy, 6293 Hans, 9000 Eugene, 9157 David, 9202 Craig, 6998 David, 9301 Mike, 7917 Phil, 7918 Anne, 8782 Jason, 9150 Gareth, 6589 Stephen, 8694 Bruce, 9156 Patrick, 1805 David.
We have renewal forms at club night and you can get a joint discount for partners who live at the same address. This is a great club to belong to and the success of our branch depends on your participation, please don’t let your membership lapse, if you don’t renew before 31st January ’16 you will have to pay another joining fee. 

Our Branch AGM will be held 7th April at the Pupuke Golf Club, Lounge opens at 5.30pm for meals & drinks.  AGM meeting will be at 7.30pm you will need to show your membership card if you wish to speak or vote.  All committee positions are open for nominations as well as non-committee positions Runs Coordinator, Quartermaster, Sheriff and Newsletter Editor. Nomination forms are available at Club Night, on our North Harbour Ulysses website  or by contacting our secretary or print a copy as attached below. 

Nominations will close on March 8th, if you need to do a postal vote contact the Secretary on the above email. 

The National bike raffle tickets will be available at club night @ $10.00 per ticket, the winning number will be drawn at the National AGM. (You don’t have to be there and you will be phoned straight after the draw)

As many of you know our Branch Vice President Vaughan Nankivell is seriously sick with cancer and his medication/treatment is extremely expensive, we have a Give-a-Little page called “49 is Too Young” to raise some money to help him out with this. Every donation goes to a special account and no amount is too small, please help out.  You can get to the link through North Harbour Ulysses website.

Long Service (Membership) badges.
Badges are available for 10, 15, 20 & 25 year continuous membership on request for a small charge,  see Dale or myself to arrange one, you will need to produce your current membership card, badge cost is for 10, 15. 20 year badge is $10.00, the branch pays for your 25 year badge.

Important Dates to remember:

Thursday 4rd February, 1st 2016 Club Night. NOTE NEW VENUE,  PUPUKE GOLF CLUB, 231 East Coast Rd. (opp Sunnynook Road)

Sunday February 14th, Auckland Rescue Helicopter Charity Ride, all members should support this event.

Sunday February 21st, Red Knights Burns Run, 

Sunday March 6th,  30th Waikato CCF Toyrun, starts in Cambridge finishes at Frankton Village,

March 10th, Club Night, Pupuke Golf Club, East Coast Road, Campbells Bay. (opp Sunnynook Rd) 

March 11th – 13th  Do the Guss Rally in Nelson on the way to the AGM, details in NatMag. 

March 18th - 20th National AGM in Westport. Entry form & details in December Natmag.

April 7th Club Night & Branch AGM at 7.30, Pupuke Golf Club, East Coast Rd,  (opp Sunnynook Rd)
Wayne Painter #1756 L/M
Coordinator, North Harbour Branch
Click here to print AGM nomination form.
North Harbour Ulysses Branch Shirts and Ulysses Gear
Black & Maroon Dri Gear Branch Shirts 
with North Harbour Branch Logo, now available.
Dale has a large selection of Ulysses gear for sale, from buckles to t-shirts.
See Dale on Club night.
Please support North Harbour Branch sponsors.
Cyclespot Group, Major North Harbour Branch Sponsor
Grant donates vouchers monthly for Social Evenings and
 advertises in the monthly newsletter.  
Pop into Cyclespot and check out the range of bikes & accessories.
Come on in to  Cyclespot and check out the new Africa Twin,
in store now…….

Pricing from $19,995.00 plus ORC
It is going to be an exciting year for Honda with the launch of a few new models, the Africa Twin being the first to arrive,
The Africa twin is one of the most iconic models in the world…....
It has been 13 years since we have had this model new in NZ,
the only thing the same is the name and wheel size,
everything else has been re spec’d making it a great
adventurer/tourer bike for 2016.
Hyosung Motorcycles are located at 73 Barrys Point Rd, Takapuna. We are New Zealand’s biggest Hyosung dealership and also New Zealand’s distributors for these excellent Korean made bikes carrying a full range of demonstrators from 50cc scooters to the four 650cc LAMS models. Our spare parts inventory incorporates 25,000 items and we regularly achieve a 98% supply rate. Our extremely talented technician has all the factory diagnostic equipment on hand and even better he really knows how to use it!
 MTF finance available T.A.P and discounted insurance through Protecta or Vero.
Email: Click to email Sales or Click here to email Workshop.
Business Hours
Mon 8:30am – 5:30pm      Tue 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Wed 8:30am – 5:30pm      Thu 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Fri 8:30am – 5:30pm          Sat 9:00am – 4.00pm
Sun Closed
Techmoto: Sponsor of Monthly Meat Raffles 
Discounts for Ulysses and SuperGold card holders, located in the iconic former industrial area now converted to shops and plenty of bars, cafes and above all, good coffee!
Phil and Gail Scott's Techmoto store caters for road and adventure riders with high quality helmets and apparel from Arai, Nolan and Spidi.  There is a huge range of Givi and Ventura luggage, plus motorcycle-specific tools as well as spares and accessories. 
Open weekdays 9.30-5.30 and 9.00-4.00 on Saturday Phone 
09 4461610
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
If it is your birthday this month, don't forget to take a bottle of wine for the raffles on club night.
If you have any unwanted gifts, donate them for the raffle prizes.
Subscriber Details
At the bottom of this newsletter is a link so you can update your subscriber details.  There is also a button if you really want to cancel your subscription.
Wine Bottle Caps
Save your bottle tops from your wine bottles and bring along to each monthly meeting. These get passed onto Lions Club who collect as a fundraiser for Child Dialysis.  Get your local restaurant on board and have them keep the bottle tops for you.  
Reviews and Photo Gallery 

Wednesday Rides

Starting 2 March, the Wednesday rides will be changing to a 10:30 start.

The starting venue remains the same.
At the
Old North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  

65 Paul Matthews Drive, Albany

Photos from past Wednesday Rides

An Overnight Trip to Coromandel
RIC: Nigel Scott

Another great weekend at Coromandel.  
Ulyssians doing what they do best - being disgraceful.
Thanks to Jed Durham for the photos.
Ben Becker with Angel Wings
Hard Arse Ride to Opononi
Article from Pune Times, India
Click above for larger image of article
Peter Webb
Raffle Prizes and Tattle-Tales Wanted
 “Sheriff wants unwanted gifts and wine for birthdays and worthy events in your LIVES “
And please email ‘SHERIFF, I HAVE A TALE’ to Pete. 

Brent donates vouchers monthly for the Social evenings.  Pop in to Spectrum and chat to Grant for bike services, bike sales and accessories. 
Become part of the Pro Rider Community
Visit your local motorcycle/scooter shop and ask about a Ride Forever voucher from Pro Rider, get one for a friend. Book via the Pro Rider website and have your say on our Facebook page!
The Pro Rider Riders Club is coming soon. Keep an eye on Facebook!
Check out ProRider Website for all available courses.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 

Need that badge sewn on, then call in on Merine.
Phone 021 708677
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. 

This is the 21st Year of this Special Ride the "ARHT Charity Fundraiser Ride.

Sunday 14th Feb 2016 10am departure so be there by 9am

We are starting from the Papakura RSA on Elliot Street Papakura, they are putting on a breakfast that can be bought for a small fee. We will end at the Warehouse Carpark on Akorana Drive North Shore where there will be food and entertainment. 

Please support the charity by purchasing a badge and a Tee shirt this is where the money we get to donate comes from.

Travelling to the South Island then check out
NZ Classic Motorcycles Museum - Nelson. Located at 75 Haven Road Nelson this is a purpose built museum showcasing one of the largest, comprehensive private collections of classic, veteran and vintage motorcycles and sidecars. It is believed to house one of the largest collections of Brough Superiors south of the equator and for a limited time, is the entrusted curator of the Britten motorcycle. If you are heading that way look them up on their website
Click Here for Printer Friendly Runs List
Ulysses North Harbour
Runs and Event Calendar
Runs Coordinator
Rider in Charge (RIC) would appreciate all participants of rides to be at the departure point 10 minutes early with a full tank of gas.  If the weather looks suspect then please phone the RIC or check out North Harbour Ulysses facebook page to see if the ride is postponed or cancelled. 

The Rider in Charge will be organizing the day.  Contact them for details.  All riders participating in a Ulysses Ride are expected to hold a current motorcycle license, wear suitable clothing and to have a registered and warranted road-worthy bike.

The organizers and/or the Ulysses Club are not responsible for participants safety and all participants participate at their own risk.

All participants are aware that they are traveling on open public roads and are responsible for their own safety and compliance with all Rules and Laws.

Please check your runs list as some rides or destinations may have changed from initial calendar entry.
Club Night Meeting and Social Evening
Held at Pupuke Golf Club  
 231 East Coast Road (opp Sunnynook Rd) Campbells Bay
1st Thursday of the Month.
Meals available from 5.30pm and meeting starts at 7.30pm
Every 3rd Wednesday of the month 2014 (6 pm onwards), Bar & kitchen open at 5.30 pm.

February 4th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at Pupuke Golf Club.   Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here
Pick Your Own Destinations
Leave Cossie Club at 10.00am
February 7th Waitangi Weekend
Ulysses Auckland Charity Motorcycle Ride
February 14th Supporting the Rescue Helicopter.
See flyer above.
February 17th.  It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive.  Reservations Here.

Red Knights Burns Run

See Flyer Above

Also weekend of Paeroa Street Races

David McAnulty's Ride to Parua planned for this weekend has been postponed. 

Waitomo Area Ride

Departs  Papakura BP Service Station at 10.00am

RIC: Peter Hyde
Mobile: 021 9977926
Cambridge Toy Run
March 6th 
See flyer above.
March 10th. It's NOT the 1st Thursday of the month THIS TIME ONLY so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at Pupuke Golf Club.   Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here 
Midweek Wednesday Rides and now Tuesday (check out NH Ulysses facebook page for details.)
Are you free to ride Midweek?
Why not join fellow Ulyssians on Wednesday's
Departs NS Cossie Club at 10.30am
Destination decided on the day.
These rides are proving very popular.
Highlight your calendar with these upcoming rides or events.

Taumaranui Cart Track Rally
February 12th to 14th 2016
Runs & Rallies
5 – 6                Frankton Thunder, Hamilton                                      (see Facebook for details)
6                      Cambridge to Hamilton Toy Run,                          Waikato Branch
11 – 13            GUSS Rally, Nelson Branch
18 – 20            National Rally & AGM, Westport
20                    Kapiti Coast Toy Run, Kapiti Coast                          Branch
31                    Northern Odyssey,
                        final date for Entries
3                      Tauranga Ulysses Toy Run,                                     Tauranga Branch
23 – 25            End of Summer Rally, Hawke’s Bay                         Branch
25                    Northern Odyssey, finishes
20 -22            Tauranga Ulysses Rally, Waihi                                  Beach
17 – 19            Not Final Okataina Rally, Rotorua                           Branch
NOTE:  Ulysses’ events in BOLD
For more details of each event see ad at end of The Ulyssian, or Ulysses website – or, contact local Coordinator or, use Google.
A discount of 10% off the best available fare applies for travel dates
18 January through to 19 December 2016
Booking conditions and instructions for members are:
Each reservation must be made direct with Interislander online at
Also check out our Premium Plus onboard lounge upgrades for total comfort at for 18yrs plus 
Simply insert the Promo code “XULY1”on the “Payment details” page then click on “enter” and this will apply the discount.
Membership card is required at the terminal on check in.  No membership card and retail fares will be charged.
Space is subject to availability at the time of the booking request.
The normal conditions of the above fare type apply - e.g. Easy Change is 100% refundable if cancelled.
Bookings made through our call centre are at regular rates.
2 Blokes (Japanese and American) are playing golf. The Japanese guy is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb. 

American bloke says: "What you doin?" 

"Oh, don't worry, with Microtechnology I have a Microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message." 

The 2 men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the American man makes a funny sound, that amazingly sounds like a fart. The Japanese man looks over at him. 'Oh,' says the American. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax."
Another Lawyer Story

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”


By the time you read through this you will understand "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".
And only then will you be ready to take on China 

Believe me... you WILL understand!!! 
Here goes...

The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe 
you as a Hotel guest & room-service in China .

Room Service
"Morrin. Roon sirbees." 

"Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service." 
Room Service

" Rye , Roon sirbees...morrin! 
Joowish to oddor sunteen?" 

"Uh.... Yes, I'd like to order bacon & eggs." 
Room Service

"Ow ulai den?" 

" ........What??" 
Room Service

"Ow ulai den?!?.... Pryed, boyud, pochd?" 

"Oh, the eggs! 
How do I like them? 
Scrambled, please." 
Room Service

"Ow ulai dee bayken? 

"Crisp will be fine." 
Room Service

An sahn toes?" 

Room Service

"An toes. 
ulai sahn toes?" 
"I.... Don't think so.." 

Udo wan sahn toes???" 

"I feel really bad about this, but I don't 
know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means." 

Why Uoo don wan toes?... 
Ow bow anglish moppin we botter?" 

"Oh, English muffin!!! 
I've got it! 
You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, 
an English muffin will be fine." 

"We botter?" 

"No, just put the botter on the side." 


"I mean butter... 
Just put the butter on the side." 


"Excuse me?" 

"Copy.. tea... meel?" 

"Yes. Coffee, please... 
And that's everything." 

"One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, 
Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh & copy... 
Rye ??" 

"Whatever you say." 


"You're welcome" 

Remember I did say "By the time you read through this...


Members Free Ads

Space here for Members advert.  Please include Your name and membership number.
Paul #8047 & Niki Morrison #8052
Paul Gallagher # 3266
Clive Hawthorn #8617
Dennis Linton
Steve Brackenridge  New Member
Ben Becker 
Hi, you're through to the Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
Any views or opinions presented in this newsletter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the North Harbour Ulysses Branch Committee.
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