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North Harbour Ulysses Newsletter.
Edition 11
May 2015

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Edition 11

We have just returned from the End of Summer Rally held by the Hawkes Bay Branch.  It was a lot of fun, so much so we have booked for next year.  
Thanks to contributors for this month.
See you all at the Poker Run.

Jeni Van Driel
Coordinators Report May 2015;
We have just got back from the End of Summer Rally at the Bayview Hotel in Napier, End of Summer !! how true.  We  (Rini, Jeni, Dale & I) had a good ride to Napier on Saturday and enjoyed the socializing on Saturday evening and a well organised Poker Run on Sunday which included going up Bluff Hill & Te Mata peak, both narrow  twisty roads not designed for cruisers, then on Sunday evening we heard the weather forecast so left early Monday, the ride over Napier Taupo hill was wet but not too bad then as we left Taupo the sky opened up and we drowned all the way to Auckland, but in true North Harbour fashion the sun came out as we came over the harbour bridge.  All this rain didn’t dampen our enthusiasm for this rally and we will go back next Anzac Weekend, why don’t you join us. Oh did I mention, I won with three 2’s.

Our Poker Run is this weekend and the route is interesting, if you haven’t booked and wish to do so call me on 027 289 1018 I will email you an entry form, there is still room for Saturday night as well.
Details for our Branch AGM have been sent to everyone who has given us their email details, we have had nominations to fill all Committee positions and no voting will be required.
Vaughan Nankivell has put a heap of work into our Ronald McDonald House Run (The Ronnie Run) and will update us next month, suffice to say it is all go.
Important dates to remember:
Friday/Saturday 1st & 2nd May, North Harbour Branch Poker Run Weekend.
Thursday May 7th,  North Harbour Branch AGM, 7.30pm. North Shore Cossie Club.
Sunday 12th July, Midwinter BBQ, North Shore Cossie Club, last year was a heap of fun, make sure you’re there.  (Yes the date has been bought forward a week)
This has been a great year for our branch,  let’s keep it going.  If you have a problem or suggestion contact myself or a committee member, don’t keep it to yourself .
Chieftain Wayne  #1756
North Harbour  Branch Coordinator
North Harbour Ulysses AGM
Thursday May 7th

North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  Meals available from 5.30pm .
We need confirmed and paid entries for our Poker Run so we can confirm the meals at the Cosi Club for our Dine & Dance, Brett Wallace is entertaining us so it will be a great night. If for some reason you can’t make the Poker Run just book for the evenings Dine & Dance.
email me.   Wayne Painter #1756 L/M, North Harbour Branch Coordinator
Ronnie Run September 27th
Vaughan participating in photo shoot for the upcoming Ronnie Ride.
We have also just set-up the Run on eventbrite to encourage earlybird registrations which will go into a special prize draw.  

As you know, normally bikers get really pissed off when some clown jumps on their bike.  Not me….I was simply impressed with his focus on motorcycle safety and his Hi Vis clothing!
We have set-up a fund-raising page through Give-A-Little where you can make a donation online and 100% of the funds goes to Ronald McDonald House Auckland.  You get a tax deductible receipt.  If everyone gave up the cost of a coffee once a month ($5) - that would raise over $12,000 per year from Ulysses North Harbour for RMHA.
Let’s get behind it and set the benchmark as far as what this branch of the Ulysses Club can do for our community.
North Harbour Ulysses Branch Shirts and Ulysses Gear
Black & Maroon Dri Gear Branch Shirts 
with North Harbour Branch Logo, now available.
Dale has a large selection of Ulysses gear for sale, from buckles to t-shirts.
See Dale on Club night.
Please support North Harbour Branch sponsors.
Cyclespot Group, Major North Harbour Branch Sponsor
Grant donates vouchers monthly for Social Evenings and
 advertises in the monthly newsletter.  
Pop into Cyclespot and check out the range of bikes & accessories.
Hyosung Motorcycles are located at 73 Barrys Point Road, Takapuna. We are New Zealand’s biggest Hyosung dealership and also New Zealand’s distributors for these excellent Korean made bikes carrying a full range of demonstrators from 50cc scooters to the four 650cc LAMS models. Our spare parts inventory incorporates 25,000 items and we regularly achieve a 98% supply rate. Our extremely talented technician has all the factory diagnostic equipment on hand and even better he really knows how to use it!
Savings up to $1000 on new Hyosung's. Demonstrators in store, MTF finance available T.A.P and discounted insurance through Protecta or Vero.
Email: Click to email Sales or Click here to email Workshop.
Still a few bargains to be had.
Business Hours
Mon 8:30am – 5:30pm      Tue 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Wed 8:30am – 5:30pm      Thu 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Fri 8:30am – 5:30pm          Sat 9:00am – 4.00pm
Sun Closed
Techmoto: Sponsor of Monthly Meat Raffles 
Discounts for Ulysses and SuperGold card holders, located in the iconic former industrial area now converted to shops and plenty of bars, cafes and above all, good coffee!
Phil and Gail Scott's Techmoto store caters for road and adventure riders with high quality helmets and apparel from Arai, Nolan and Spidi.  There is a huge range of Givi and Ventura luggage, plus motorcycle-specific tools as well as spares and accessories. 
Open weekdays 9.30-5.30 and 9.00-4.00 on Saturday Phone 
09 4461610
Seconds count.  Especially when you are on a diet.
If it is your birthday this month, don't forget to take a bottle of wine for the raffles on club night.
If you have any unwanted gifts, donate them for the raffle prizes.
Subscriber Details
At the bottom of this newsletter is a link so you can update your subscriber details.  There is also a button if you really want to cancel your subscription.
Wine Bottle Caps
Save your bottle tops from your wine bottles and bring along to each monthly meeting. These get passed onto Lions Club who collect as a fundraiser for Child Dialysis.  Get your local restaurant on board and have them keep the bottle tops for you.  


As a club we have been invited to join
the Repco Club to obtain discounts.

Ulysses Members can apply here 
Reviews and Photo Gallery 
No ride reviews this month but thanks to photos from:
Jed Durham
and me.
April Meeting, Cossie Club
Victory Magnum on display, courtesy Cyclespot
Checking out Faye Sheerin's award winning trike
Checking out the new motorcycle gear from Resurgence Jeans
RIC made a change to ride destination and we headed to Leigh.  Good to see new members out for the ride.
Receiving another card. A pair of 3's. Whoppee!
Jason and Baxter enjoying the
End Of Summer Rally, Hawkes Bay.
Stunning views from Te Mata Peak

A great afternoon out.
Peter Webb
Raffle Prizes and Tattle-Tales Wanted
 “Sheriff wants unwanted gifts and wine for birthdays and worthy events in your LIVES “
And please email ‘SHERIFF, I HAVE A TALE’ to Pete. 
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years.....Just getting over the hill.

Who is This?

As pointed out to me, I did not have the answer to February's Who is this.  
It was me.  I haven't changed a bit in the last 45 years and.....
Last month, too easy.  Ros Barret
This month, taken around 1957 on a 500cc G4 AJS

Please send me your photos.  You will enjoy digging through all those memories.

Brent donates vouchers monthly for the Social evenings.  Pop in to Spectrum and chat to Grant for bike services, bike sales and accessories. 
Become part of the Pro Rider Community
Visit your local motorcycle/scooter shop and ask about a Ride Forever voucher from Pro Rider, get one for a friend. Book via the Pro Rider website and have your say on our Facebook page!
The Pro Rider Riders Club is coming soon. Keep an eye on Facebook!
Check out ProRider Website for all available courses.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Need that badge sewn on, then call in on Merine.
I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Click Here for Printer Friendly Runs List
Ulysses North Harbour
Runs and Event Calendar
Runs Coordinator
Rider in Charge (RIC) would appreciate all participants of rides to be at the departure point 10 minutes early with a full tank of gas.  If the weather looks suspect then please phone the RIC to see if the ride is postponed or cancelled. 

The Rider in Charge will be organizing the day.  Contact them for details.  All riders participating in a Ulysses Ride are expected to hold a current motorcycle license, wear suitable clothing and to have a registered and warranted road-worthy bike.

The organizers and/or the Ulysses Club are not responsible for participants safety and all participants participate at their own risk.

All participants are aware that they are traveling on open public roads and are responsible for their own safety and compliance with all Rules and Laws.

Please check your runs list as some rides or destinations may have changed from initial calendar entry.
Club Night Meeting and Social Evening
Held at North Shore Cosmopolitan Club,  
65 Paul Mathews Drive, Albany
1st Thursday of the Month.
Meals available from 5.30pm and meeting starts at 7.30pm
Every 3rd Wednesday of the month 2014 (6 pm onwards), Bar & kitchen open at 5.30 pm.

May 1st and 2nd

Entertainment and meals available at Cossie Club on Friday

Poker Run
Entry Form Here

Departs North Shore Cossie Club

May 7th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses Annual general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here

Maraetai/Kaiaua Ride

Departs  North Shore Cossie Club at 10.00am

RIC: David McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Home: 09 8109798
Ride of Respect
Meeting at Devonport RSA at 9.00am.
Ride to Wellsford via SH1 for lunch.

Returning to Devonport via SH16for laying of wreath at Devonport Cenotaph.  
$10.00 donation per rider to Devonport Poppy Trust
May 20th.  It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive.  Reservations Here.
Copycat ride of our inaugural ride last year.
Waipu Pizza Barn for lunch

Departs Dairy Flat Service Centre at 10.00am

RIC: Wayne Painter
Mobile:  027 2891018


Waiomu Beach Cafe

Departs Papakura Service Centre at 10.00am

RIC: Wayne Larsen
Mobile: 021 02828442
Home: 09 4768071
June 4th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here

Country Cruise to Matakana

Departs  North Shore Cossie Club at 10.00am

RIC: David McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Home: 09 8109798
Whangarei Basin Cafe Run
Departs Dairy Flat Service Centre at 10.00am
RIC: Paul Morrison
Mobile:  021 909350
Home: 09 4203247 

 Okataina Rally 19-21 June 2015.

Due to the imminent closure of Okataina Camp this will be the last ever Okataina Rally.

Click here for registration form.

Railway Cafe, Helensville

Departs North Shore Cossie Club at 10.00am

RIC: Wayne Larsen
Mobile: 021 02828442
Home: 09 4768071
Short Ride
Dave's Midweek Wednesday Rides
RIC: Dave Moore
Mobile: 027 3225599
Home: 09 4451540
Are you free to ride Midweek?
Why not join Dave on Wednesday's
Departs NS Cossie Club at 11.00am
Destination decided on the day.
These rides are proving very popular.
Highlight your calendar with these upcoming rides or events.

Mid Winter BBQ at the Cossie Club.
12th July

North Harbour Ulysses  Ronnie Run supporting Ronald McDonald House
27th September
Did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder.

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass.
''Why do you have a cork up your ass?''
''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!'''

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby, walks into his regular bar. One of the other regulars, noticing his new clothes and brand new Harley Davidson asked him where he got it. Ed, with a big, proud smile on his face explained: "I was walking to the grocery store, when all of a sudden a girl rode up on this shining new Harley. She got off her bike, threw off all of her clothes and said 'take what you want.' So I did."
Blonde Man Jokes
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.  "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."  The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out the bowl yet."

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.  It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".  He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk.  Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.  A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.  The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about."
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my husband up.  And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
You have a cough?  Go home and take a double-dose of laxative.  Tomorrow you'll be to afraid to cough.


A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"

Confucius did not say...
"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."

"Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion."

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."

A man dies, and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes."
Members Free Ads

Space here for Members advert.  Please include Your name and membership number.
Wayne #1756 & Dale Painter #1774
Paul #8047 & Niki Morrison #8052
Paul Gallagher # 3266
Clive Hawthorn #8617
Dennis Linton
Pie and Coffee are as important as Gasoline.
Any views or opinions presented in this newsletter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the North Harbour Ulysses Branch Committee.
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