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North Harbour Ulysses Newsletter.
Edition 21
April 2016


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 Edition 21
 
I have enjoyed editing your newsletter over the last two years and I hope that you have all enjoyed the read as well.  It is time to hand over the job to Craig McEwan so please give him the support.   

The general meetings are well attended and this shows the strength of the club and the committee.  

That's it from me.

Signing off 


Kind Regards
Jeni Van Driel
Coordinator
Our Branch AGM is Thursday April 7th  2016
I am publishing my report this month so everyone gets a chance to read it before our Branch AGM.
Although we lost 18 members through non-renewal our Branch still has a membership of over 200, I emailed all those members who didn’t renew asking why they didn’t and what we could do better or how we could change their mind, none replied.
The North Shore Cosmopolitan Club looked after us very well during the year up until Xmas when I was informed the Club would be closing due to poor membership support. Fortunately I was able to secure the Pupuke Golf Club as our new meeting place, this is a step up for us and if you haven’t been to a Club Night at this venue you should make the effort, the surroundings are great and the food is excellent.  Some of us have joined as Social Members which enables us to go there on Friday nights to socialize over drinks & dinner.
Your committee members have worked together well for you and we must thank Vaughan Nankivell (Vice President, Website & Ronnie Run Coordinator), Niki Morrison (Secretary),  Joy Zaloum (Treasurer),  John Johnston, Wayne Larsen, Paul Morrison, Rini van Driel, Dave McAnulty and Donna Scott who stepped in as Secretary late in the year, however Donna is moving to Stratford so Lora Nankivell has taken over as Secretary, we are fortunate to have members who are prepared to step up when needed. Niki & Paul Morrison and Wayne Larsen are standing down from committee this year and I thank them for being there at the start.
Thanks also to our Runs Committee members, Rini van Driel  (Runs Coordinator) , Wayne Larsen, Paul Morrison, Nigel Scott, Les Duffield, John Heebink, Peter Zaloum, Peter Hyde, David McAnulty & Mike Orr.
A special thanks to those members who aren’t on the committee but pitched in to help make our branch the success it is, Jeni van Driel (Newsletter); John Heebink (Facebook Page); Peter Webb (Sheriff), Dianne Webb (Club Night Raffles) & Dale Painter (Quartermaster).
Club Night; 
We are regularly getting 80-100 members, partners & visitors along to club night and are introducing new members every month, I believe our branch has a great future. 
Our Maddogs & Englishmen Wednesday Night Dinner, is still popular and is a good way for new members to integrate into a smaller group.
Functions;
The Poker Run was a very enjoyable event, John Heebink planned an interesting route and it was amazing how many people had never been to the Gannet Colony at Muriwai, everything became a bit of a rush after prize-giving so we will be making changes this year along the KISS strategy, keep Sunday 8th May free for our “Mothers Day Poker Run”.
Our Mid Winter BBQ was a great success again, Techmoto gave us two $50.00 vouchers which went down well & music by Jax was very much appreciated.  Our thanks to everyone who pitched in to make this a good day especially Barry & Lynley Deane who brought along a couple of rare classic bikes, we will be doing it again this July coming, however we cannot do the catering as the Golf Club caterers have exclusive rights to supply food in the Club, that’s OK means we can all relax and enjoy the day.
130 members & visitors  came to the Cossie Club for our Xmas Dinner, the food was first class and music by the North Harbour Rockers was excellent.  Unfortunately the Golf Club doesn’t have a dance floor so we have yet to finalise details for this year’s Xmas Dinner.
Sponsors
Our branch is lucky to be supported by The Cycle Spot Group, Hyosung, Spectrum, ProRider and Techmoto, without their input we would not be as healthy as the Treasurers Report will show. In the last week I have visited all our sponsors who have agreed to continue their support for the 2016/17 year.
The only way we can keep our sponsors is to give them 1st choice when you want to change your bike or buy motorcycle gear, make sure you visit them and let them know you are a North Harbour Branch member.
 
Ronald McDonald House Charity Ride
Our first “Ronnie Run” was a great success thanks to the work of Vaughan & Lora Nankivell and their helpers, the final result was the presentation of a cheque for $8500.00 which was greatly appreciated.
Our “Ronnie Run” this year will be held in November to take advantage of the better weather.
 
We should be proud of what we have achieved as a Branch over the last two years, we have some new younger members with new ideas standing for committee positions and our Branch continues to grow at a good rate with enthusiastic members. Dale & I enjoy working for the Branch and I am standing for Branch President again, I hope I have met your expectations and look forward to working for you over the next 12 months. I am happy to listen to new ideas, suggestions and complaints, however if you have a serious complaint it is best to put it in writing so it can be discussed at committee level.
As the saying goes we can’t please everyone all the time, but as long as we please most of the people most of the time I’m happy. 

Dates To Remember
April Thursday 7th, Branch AGM,
Pupuke Golf Club, East Coast Road.
Club Night starts 5.30pm, 
Dinner & Bar Service Available.
AGM starts 7.30pm
May Sunday 8th, Mother’s Day Poker Run.
 
Wayne Painter #1756NZ L/M,
Branch President, North Harbour Branch
Ulysses Club (NZ) Inc

 
Click for North Harbour Ulysses AGM Minutes  2015 
Please support North Harbour Branch sponsors.
Cyclespot
Cyclespot Group, Major North Harbour Branch Sponsor
Grant donates vouchers monthly for Social Evenings and
 advertises in the monthly newsletter.  
Pop into Cyclespot and check out the range of bikes & accessories.
Cyclespot
Come on in to  Cyclespot and check out the new Africa Twin,
in store now…….

 
Pricing from $19,995.00 plus ORC
 
It is going to be an exciting year for Honda with the launch of a few new models, the Africa Twin being the first to arrive,
The Africa twin is one of the most iconic models in the world…....
It has been 13 years since we have had this model new in NZ,
the only thing the same is the name and wheel size,
everything else has been re spec’d making it a great
adventurer/tourer bike for 2016.
Norton
Hyosung
Hyosung Motorcycles are located at 73 Barrys Point Rd, Takapuna. We are New Zealand’s biggest Hyosung dealership and also New Zealand’s distributors for these excellent Korean made bikes carrying a full range of demonstrators from 50cc scooters to the four 650cc LAMS models. Our spare parts inventory incorporates 25,000 items and we regularly achieve a 98% supply rate. Our extremely talented technician has all the factory diagnostic equipment on hand and even better he really knows how to use it!
       
 MTF finance available T.A.P and discounted insurance through Protecta or Vero.
Email: Click to email Sales or Click here to email Workshop.
Business Hours
Mon 8:30am – 5:30pm      Tue 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Wed 8:30am – 5:30pm      Thu 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Fri 8:30am – 5:30pm          Sat 9:00am – 4.00pm
Sun Closed
Hyosung
Techmoto: Sponsor of Monthly Meat Raffles 
Discounts for Ulysses and SuperGold card holders, located in the iconic former industrial area now converted to shops and plenty of bars, cafes and above all, good coffee!
Phil and Gail Scott's Techmoto store caters for road and adventure riders with high quality helmets and apparel from Arai, Nolan and Spidi.  There is a huge range of Givi and Ventura luggage, plus motorcycle-specific tools as well as spares and accessories. 
Open weekdays 9.30-5.30 and 9.00-4.00 on Saturday Phone 
09 4461610
Click Here for a Reminder on Group Riding Etiquette
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Raffles
If it is your birthday this month, don't forget to take a bottle of wine for the raffles on club night.
If you have any unwanted gifts, donate them for the raffle prizes.
Subscriber Details
At the bottom of this newsletter is a link so you can update your subscriber details.  There is also a button if you really want to cancel your subscription.
Wine Bottle Caps
Save your bottle tops from your wine bottles and bring along to each monthly meeting. These get passed onto Lions Club who collect as a fundraiser for Child Dialysis.  Get your local restaurant on board and have them keep the bottle tops for you.  
Reviews and Photo Gallery 
Midweek Ride  2 March 2016
 
On a midweek day when most of us are working, five John’s came together for a ride.  To stop the utterly confusion we called one guy Wayne and another one Barry.  Three John’s we could handle.

After a short discussion about where we should go we decided we could go via scenic roads to the Helensville railway station for lunch.  We rode via Albany, Wainiu and Waitoki. Then after riding over Peak road and Old North road we arrived at the lunch place.

We all had a marvelous lunch and we discussed the matters in the world.

Since we had such a nice group of riders and we were all keen to go explore new places I decided to show them my secret hiding place.  Lake Rototoa is hidden in between the valleys, almost in the top of the South Kaipara Peninsula.

What really makes my day is that several people said that they lived in Auckland for more than 40 years and never have been here.

That is so nice of being a Ulysses member for a long time. There are always people to show you the different beauty spots. After many years it is a pleasure to share that knowledge to other members.

Thanks all for coming on today’s ride and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Thanks Wayne, for being Tail-and-Charlie.
 
Kind regards,
John Heebink # 1032
ACC Ride Forever

Josh (my 17 year old son) and I did our ACC Ride Forever Silver course today. We did it in East Auckland. Being a North Shore born and bred type I have never spent any time around Beachlands, Maraetai and Clevdon. We travelled on some amazing roads with some beautiful scenery. I couldn't help thinking that I want to go back and ride these roads more.

Our ProRider instructor Paul was excellent and very knowledgeable as well as patient with a couple of the guys.

If you haven't done any of these courses, you should!! So cheap and lots of tips and tricks with technique correction where needed.

I was very thankful that the weather forecast from Saturday night didn't come true and we had a magic day until we hit the motorway for the ride home and the rain came in. But who cares we were out riding.

Ride on🏍

Craig McEwan #9243
Some of us remember when!!!  Thanks to Barry Deane for this bit of Nostalgia.
Wayne Painter took the opportunity to visit the National Motorcycle Museum in Nelson on their way to the Ulysses AGM.  Photos of (1) 1916 Indian Power Plus 1000cc V-Twin. (2)1936 Indian 436 Upside Down Straight 4.  (3) 1941 Indian Chief 1200cc V-Twin.  (4) 1941 Indian Sport Scout 754cc V-Twin  (5)  1998 Sims Custom Corbin Softtail 2100cc OHV V-Twin  (6) Indian Chief and Sidecar.  
Ulysses National AGM Westport March 2016
A good attendance (350+) at the National Rally & AGM in Westport, Friday night turnout was great with everyone being fed with whitebait fritters and other nibbles.
The Saturday morning AGM was well attended with no controversial issues although emphasis was put on the need to increase our membership especially in the 40-50 age bracket.
Photos of National Committee, Friday night event and of a Unique 3 Wheel Carver.
Wayne Painter
#1756
 
Our 2016/17 National Committee
Back L/R, Jim Galt (Waikato) Nat. VP, Mike Dew (Canterbury) NatPres., Lawrence Gosnell (Waikato) Committee, Jim Furneaux (Wellington) Committee, Stuart Burns (Rotorua) Treas.
Front, Nicky Bright (Marlborough) NatSec., Jayne Mansell (Auckland) Committee

ULYSSES 2016  
INSURANCE SCHEME

FROM 1 MARCH 2016
  
            AON has a New Policy Wording with a New Underwriter:
 
In collaboration with NZI, Aon has a new improved policy wording for Motorcycles.  This Prestige Motorcycle Policy gives you the best of the best in cover for all types of On-Road Motorcycles including 3 wheelers, Off-Road Motorcycles including Quad Bikes, Competition Motorcycles (not covered whilst racing), Motorcycle Collections and Classic/Vintage Motorcycles.  A new policy wording will be sent out shortly.
 
Some of the BENEFITS:
 
New replacement Motorcycle if a total loss occurs within 12 months of the insured motorcycle being first registered as a new Motorcycle up to 20,000km – this increases to 24 months and 30,000km for Ulysses Members.
 
Windscreen/shield, headlights or tail lights covered – Nil excess
 
Roadside Assistance is now provided on comprehensively covered motorcycles by
FIRST ASSISTANCE – 0800 120 102
 
AUTOMATIC RIDING APPAREL cover - $5,000 (indemnity value) any one claim per year.
 
Option to have REPLACEMENT RIDING APPAREL cover - $5,000 (REPLACEMENT value) any one claim per year.  Premium for Ulysses Members $50 plus GST.  (Normally $75+GST)
 
DISCOUNTS DISCOUNTS DISCOUNTS – Age Discounts, Multiple Bike Discount (conditions apply), Loyalty Discounts, Trike Discounts, Named Rider Discounts and the Restricted Usage Discount – this is now based on riding less than 7,500km per year, per bike! (was 5,000km)
 
LOWER EXCESSES – The standard policy excess is now $250 (plus underage excesses applying), $500 theft excess and on approved track days a $750 excess only will apply.
 
RIDE FOREVER If you complete a Ride Forever training course, provide us with your certificate and we will apply a NIL excess for one claim within 12 months of completing this course.
 
Call us on 0800 65 62 64 and ask for Leonie, Annaliese or Brandon if you have any queries.
 
Border
Peter Webb
Raffle Prizes and Tattle-Tales Wanted
 “Sheriff wants unwanted gifts and wine for birthdays and worthy events in your LIVES “
And please email ‘SHERIFF, I HAVE A TALE’ to Pete. 
Spectrum

Brent donates vouchers monthly for the Social evenings.  Pop in to Spectrum and chat to Grant for bike services, bike sales and accessories. 
Prorider
Become part of the Pro Rider Community
Visit your local motorcycle/scooter shop and ask about a Ride Forever voucher from Pro Rider, get one for a friend. Book via the Pro Rider website and have your say on our Facebook page!
The Pro Rider Riders Club is coming soon. Keep an eye on Facebook!
Check out ProRider Website for all available courses.
www.prorider.co.nz
Border
Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some
of my clothes to the starving people of the world.
I told them to "bog off, anyone who fits into my clothes
isn't starving!”
Merine



Need that badge sewn on, then call in on Merine.
Phone 021 708677
 

Man lost in a hot air balloon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?"

The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b'stard, you're in that feckin basket!"

Terms and Conditions: Full itinerary, terms and conditions are available on request.  Price is in NZD$ and is subject to change.  Price is based on two people travelling on one bike and sharing accommodation.  Other options are available.  Each person to ride their own bike and share accommodation (from $10,565.00 per person).  Single supplement for solo travellers - 1 person, 1 bike and sole use of hotel room (from $13,999.00).  Flights additional (indicative price from $2100.00 per person).  Extra nights accommodation pre or post tour available if you wish to arrive earlier or stay longer in the USA.  *Subject to minimum group numbers.  A non-refundable deposit of $1700.00 per person is due at time of confirmation.  Balance due May 2016
Last year Karel and I had 10 weeks in Thailand and part of it was spent organizing an 8 day tour of Northern Thailand.
 
We left Chiang Mai and headed out to the west, traveled north to the northern border with Myanmar, stayed two nights at the Golden Triangle then headed south east and finally returned to Chiang Mai.
It was a journey of exciting motorcycling roads, fantastic scenery, interesting places and staying at nice resorts along the way. The roads are generally very good with lots of corners and little traffic.
We spent a lot of extra time finding and recording the better places to stay, the restaurants that worked best for meal breaks and interesting places to see.
For us we wanted a “riders ride” rather than a “tourists ride” and that’s what we got.
 
We’ve decided that we want to go back and do it again but this time we thought it would be nice to share it with people of like mind. Our Ride starts in Chiang Mai on the 3rd July  but you will need to meet us there on the 2nd.
We’ve arranged  to provide good quality hire bikes (CB500X’s) and accommodation for 12 riders, us and ten others, so it’s a small group. It should be a real blast.
 
The full cost for bike hire and accommodation (nine nights) with breakfast is NZ$1475, you pay for fuel and other meals/ drinks (we estimate they will cost you around NZ$400 for the week. We are asking for a $500 deposit to hold your place.
This is not a ride for non-experienced riders.
 
We don’t recommend bringing a pillion due to the challenging roads but if you really wanted to it’s possible to hire a larger bike at extra cost.
 
Please get back to ASAP to register interest.
Howard
                   An Invitation from Zimbabwe Ulysses

It gives me great pleasure to invite you and your members to our proposed International gathering mid 2017.

The attached flyer will give you an idea of what we propose to do.

With FIM's support the event has the prospect of being a once in a lifetim
e event.

We also have motorcycle agents in nearby South Africa on standby for bike hire, so the adventure can begin and end there


Naturally we need to get a feel for the interest out there so we can plan accordingly.  So may I appeal to you all to send this out to all your members.
                                     
 Many thanks.

 
                                       Kind regards,
White Ribbon:  Click on photo for White Ribbon Newsletter
Click Here for Printer Friendly Runs List
Runs
Ulysses North Harbour
Runs and Event Calendar
 email:
Runs Coordinator
Rider in Charge (RIC) would appreciate all participants of rides to be at the departure point 10 minutes early with a full tank of gas.  If the weather looks suspect then please phone the RIC or check out North Harbour Ulysses facebook page to see if the ride is postponed or cancelled. 

The Rider in Charge will be organizing the day.  Contact them for details.  All riders participating in a Ulysses Ride are expected to hold a current motorcycle license, wear suitable clothing and to have a registered and warranted road-worthy bike.

The organizers and/or the Ulysses Club are not responsible for participants safety and all participants participate at their own risk.

All participants are aware that they are traveling on open public roads and are responsible for their own safety and compliance with all Rules and Laws.

 
Please check your runs list as some rides or destinations may have changed from initial calendar entry.
Club Night Meeting and Social Evening
Held at Pupuke Golf Club  
 231 East Coast Road (opp Sunnynook Rd) Campbells Bay
1st Thursday of the Month.
Meals available from 5.30pm and meeting starts at 7.30pm
 
NORTH SHORE DINNER NIGHT MAD DOGS & ENGLISHMEN Link Drive Wairau Park
Every 3rd Wednesday of the month 2014 (6 pm onwards), Bar & kitchen open at 5.30 pm.


 
March
27th
Sunday



 
Mystery Ride South

Departs  Papakura BP Service Station at 10.00am

RIC: Les Duffield
Mobile: 021 720100
Length: How long is a piece of string?

April
3rd
Sunday

Parua Bay Tavern Run

Departs  Dairy Flat BP Service Station at 10.00am
 
RIC: Dave McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Medium
April 7th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses Annual General meeting night at Pupuke Golf Club.   Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here
April
10th
Sunday



 
Waitomo Area Ride

Departs  Papakura BP Service Station at 10.00am

RIC: Peter Hyde
Mobile: 021 997926
Medium
April
17th
Sunday


Waipu Cove Cafe Run

Departs  Kaukapakapa Fire Station at 10.00am

RIC: Paul Morrison
Mobile: 021 909350
April 20th.  It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive.  Reservations Here
Classic Cars at Smales Farm and Muriwai

April
24th
Sunday


Short ride to Smales Farm to check out the Classic Cars and Hot Rods.  Then onto Muriwai for lunch or coffee.

Departs  North Shore Cossie Club at 10.00am
RIC: Mike Orr
Mobile: 027 2919130
Midweek Wednesday Rides and now Tuesday (check out NH Ulysses facebook page for details.)
Are you free to ride Midweek?
Why not join fellow Ulyssians on Wednesday's
Departs NS Cossie Club at 10.30am
Destination decided on the day.
These rides are proving very popular.
Highlight your calendar with these upcoming rides or events.


Runs & Rallies
MARCH
31                    Northern Odyssey,
                        final date for Entries
APRIL
3                      Tauranga Ulysses Toy Run,                                     Tauranga Branch
24                    Ride of Respect.  North shore
                       10am Devonport RSA
23 – 25            End of Summer Rally, Hawke’s Bay                         Branch
25                    Northern Odyssey, finishes
MAY
8                    North Harbour Ulysses
                      Mothers Day Poker Run 
20 -22            Tauranga Ulysses Rally, Waihi                                  Beach
JUNE
17 – 19            Not Final Okataina Rally, Rotorua                           Branch
NOTE:  Ulysses’ events in BOLD
For more details of each event see ad at end of The Ulyssian, or Ulysses website – www.ulysses.org.nz or, contact local Coordinator or, use Google.
ASURE Accommodation Group   www.asurestay.com
Welcome to ASURE Accommodation Group – a nationwide group of motels, motor inns, motor lodges and apartments strategically placed throughout New Zealand, offering you quality, affordable accommodation. 
 
10% discount is available to all Ulysses Club Members for bookings made online on  www.asurestay.com using the promo code Ulysses  
In addition, all members are eligible to receive our ASURE Loyalty Programme – stay at three or more ASURE properties and receive $100 off your tenth night stay.
 
Completed loyalty cards must be redeemed direct with the ASURE property and cannot be redeemed online.
Terms & Conditions: Discount available on room only, excludes public holidays and special events and cannot be used in conjunction with any other promotion.
 
You will need to enter your Ulysses Club membership card number to complete your booking – see screenshots below, and you will need your card when you arrive at the accommodation.
 
 
          
 
 
RATES QUOTED FOR:
Ulysses
 
 
A discount of 10% off the best available fare applies for travel dates
18 January through to 19 December 2016
 
 
Booking conditions and instructions for members are:
 
Each reservation must be made direct with Interislander online at www.interislander.co.nz
 
Also check out our Premium Plus onboard lounge upgrades for total comfort at www.interislander.co.nz/Premium-Plus.aspx for 18yrs plus
 
Simply insert the Promo code “XULY1”on the “Payment details” page then click on “enter” and this will apply the discount.
 
Membership card is required at the terminal on check in.  No membership card and retail fares will be charged.
 
Space is subject to availability at the time of the booking request.
 
The normal conditions of the above fare type apply - e.g. Easy Change is 100% refundable if cancelled.
 
Bookings made through our call centre are at regular rates.

An elderly farmer had owned his property for many years and near the back boundary there was a large pond that he had developed with picnic tables and shelter trees. One evening he decided to visit the pond and he took with him a bucket to collect some fruit from the orchard. On nearing the pond he could hear laughter and shouting with glee and as he came closer he could see a group of young women skinny dipping. He made the girls aware of his presence and they all took to the deep end and kept the water level up to their necks. One of the group shouted "We're not coming out until you leave." The old man frowned and said "I didn't come down to watch you ladies swim in the nick or make you get out of the pond in front of me." And holding up the bucket he said, " I'm just here to feed the alligator."

Some of us are not too old to think fast.

A True Story in the World of Medical Wonders
 
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
 
He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."

 
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know much about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to 
Dr.Geezer's clinic.
 
Dr. Young: "Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
 
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
 
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "This is Petrol!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!
You've got your taste back.That will be $500."
 
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
 
Dr. Young:  "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
 
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
 
Dr. Young:  "Oh, no you don't,  -- that is Petrol!"
 
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back . That will be $500."
 
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
 
Dr.Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!!!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so,
" Here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer:  "Congratulations! You got your vision back!; That will be $500.."
 
Moral of story  -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"*
 
Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place,so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
 
                   - ENJOY YOUR DAY!!

I couldn't help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.
 
One of the guys says to his buddy:  "Man you look tired."
 
His mate says:  ​“Mate I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time.
​ She’s after me 3 and 4 times a day.​  She wants sex before breakfast, sex before I go to work, when I come home she’s tearing my shirt of as I come through the door.  She’s got her hands down my pants after dinner.  She even joins me in the shower almost every night.  I just don't know what to do."
 
A fellow in his 60’s  sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.
 
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years said, 
 
"Marry her. That'll put a stop to all that shit !!"

____________________________________
 

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.

_____________________________________
 

_____________________________________

It's A Frickin Elephant

We who have taught, or love children who have been taught, 
know this is funny! From the diary of a Pre-School Teacher...

My five-year old students are learning to read.

Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,
"Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

I took a deep breath, then asked,  "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does... 
 
"A f r i c a n Elephant"  
_____________________________________

Members Free Ads

Space here for Members advert.  Please include Your name and membership number.
Jeeves
Paul #8047 & Niki Morrison #8052
Gallagher
Paul Gallagher # 3266
Leslie
Hawthorne
Clive Hawthorne #8617
Linton
Dennis Linton
Linton
Steve Brackenridge  New Member
Linton
Ben Becker 
Velcro - What a rip-off!!
Any views or opinions presented in this newsletter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the North Harbour Ulysses Branch Committee.
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