Hi <<First Name>>, This is the very first emailing of the 1Eighty Consulting E-letter. You're receiving it because you have attended one of my presentations and filled out in info card, or we have met and personally exchanged business cards.
I hope, with this E-letter, to provide regular, helpful and immediately practical information, but the last thing I want to do is clutter your Inbox! So if you would prefer not to receive it, no problem at all. Please make prompt and guilt-free use of the "unsubscribe" button at the bottom of the page!
What I learned about Confrontation Anxiety
I delivered flowers!
at my first job...
And I loved it. After all, what 16 year old boy wouldn't love a job delivering delight to pretty girls of all ages? I drove a red panel van with no windows, with side-mirrors to see behind.
My boss was great, and I li
ked him a lot, but he had a tendency to be a bit impatient and gruff. He loved Christmas time. And for years it had been his tradition, at Christmas time, to put a large inflatable Santa in the front passenger seat of the van. He liked how it made people smile and wave.
Problem was, from the moment I climbed into the driver’s seat it was obvious that I couldn’t see over Santa to the side mirror. I should have said something, but I didn’t. I didn’t feel safe confronting him about it, because I didn’t know how. So I simply avoided the problem.
Two days later, as I was backing out of a parking space after making a delivery, and I collided with another car backing out from across the street, because I couldn’t see that mirror. My confrontation anxiety cost the company that day. And my anxiety was a direct result of my lack of confidence that I could skillfully confront the problem without creating tension between my boss and I.
Here's what I wish I had known at the time: Confrontation is simple. There's a simple 4-step process that can be applied to any situation where dialogue about a problem is called for, which won't stimulate defensiveness or create tension.
1. Observe (Identify) the problem or behavior
. (The article below describes the common mistakes.)
2. Describe the negative effect of the behavior.
3. Explain what you need.
4. Make an appropriate request.
The most common question I get is, "What if it is my superior that I'm confronting?" Most of the time the answer is easy...in step #4 you will be requesting dialogue about the problem.
You can read much more about it here: , "Make Your Point Without Starting a Fight"
Today I work with organizations to create that culture where people feel safe to engage in constructive confrontation by providing a skill set that takes the anxiety out of confrontation.
What about "difficult people?"
Everybody I know has a "difficult person" story. You know the type: critical, opinionated, stubborn, often argumentative. They are usually negative and contrary. Difficult people are deliberately non-compliant about seemingly mundane things. If you motion for them to sit in a particular chair, they might choose a different one "just because."
How do you deal with "difficult people?"
<Click here to watch the video>
"Done" pays better than "Perfect"
Perfectionists fuss and stress about how to start, and having a detailed plan before they do. High-achievers are pragmatists who pre-assume that everything they do is a draft and dive in, making corrections and tweaks as they go. In my experience, pragmatists are usually richer than perfectionists.
<Click here to read more>