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North Harbour Ulysses Newsletter.
Edition 6
November 2014

Copy Deadline next newsletter
Any time, contributions always welcome.   Email: Editor
Antelope Canyon, Arizona
A big thanks to the Westland Branch Coordinator Gary Sinclair who gave us a lovely Greenstone pendant to raffle off to help our branch funds, this will be done as a separate raffle to our normal club night raffles and drawn on the December club night, make sure you get a ticket it will make a lovely Xmas present. Thanks again Gary & Westland Greenstone, Hokitika. If you are down that way call in and have a look at their large range of greenstone jewellery.
The weather is improving although on the best days we seem to be at work then on the weekend things turn to sh*t, but summer is coming so check out your bike, give it a service & pump up the tyres, remember proper tyre pressures save on petrol consumption, extends the life of your tyres and most importantly helps keep you upright.
The Runs Committee put a lot of work in to make sure you have enjoyable weekend rides so give them your support.  Rini & his committee are a fairly flexible bunch, the 16th Nov. Raglan ride has been postponed again so we can support  the Helensville Fire Station with their “5 Station Fundraising Ride” as requested by Vaughan N.  Dale & I did the Hamilton North Special Needs School ride last year and it was a great feeling to help out these people, it was also fun, they served up a good bacon & egg breakfast  and the group ride took us on some roads we hadn’t seen before so come along and support these two rides, they are both for a good cause.
On club night, Thursday 6th, Spectrum Motorcycles are bringing along some new bikes and a good looking scooter for you to drool over and hopefully we will have a guest speaker on motorcycle safety,  Dale will have National & North Harbour gear for sale including the new “Sons of Arthritis” patch as requested by a member and of course the Sheriff will hand out some raffle prizes then try to take fines money off you. WARNING, make sure you are wearing name-badges this helps us old people remember who you are and could save you a dollar.
ProRider  are running an Accident Scene Management course on the 30th November in Onehunga,  NatCom & your branch will subsidise this course to the tune of $100.00 if we know in advance, book with ProRider   or 0508 776 643.
You MUST let us know before you do the course and it will only cost you $45.00. 
ProRider  also do advanced Bronze, Silver & Gold rider training days, these courses are very cheap, if you want to be more confident on the road give them a call.
Our October Cosi Club raffle night was a great success and Brett Wallace had everyone up dancing, our next  raffle night is November 11th come along and support our branch, all profits go towards the branch so we can have a Saturday night Happy Hour for our Poker Run in May.
Join the Cosi Club after Nov. 1st and it will only cost you 13.50 single or 22.50 for a couple plus $10.00 admin fee until March 2015, when you re-join in March there will be no admin fee.  Once you’re a member you don’t need to sign in, you can go to any chartered club in NZ when you’re travelling and if you want to have a family function you can book the clubrooms at no cost.  Many of our members have already joined, it’s our way of supporting those who support us and is not expensive.
Don’t forget to book for our Xmas Dinner held at Maddogs on the 17th December.  We need to know numbers to make the evening go smoothly, the menu is included further down in this newsletter.
That’s it from me.
Chieftain Wayne #1756

North Harbour Ulysses Branch Shirts
Black & Maroon Dri Gear Branch Shirts 
with North Harbour Branch Logo, now available.

See Dale on Club night, November 6th.
Images from BikeFest Las Vegas October 2014
Please support North Harbour Branch sponsors.
Cyclespot Group, Major North Harbour Branch Sponsor
Grant donates vouchers monthly for Social Evenings and
 advertises in the monthly newsletter.  
Pop into Cyclespot and check out the range of bikes & accessories.
Hyosung Motorcycles are located at 73 Barrys Point Road, Takapuna. We are New Zealand’s biggest Hyosung dealership and also New Zealand’s distributors for these excellent Korean made bikes carrying a full range of demonstrators from 50cc scooters to the four 650cc LAMS models. Our spare parts inventory incorporates 25,000 items and we regularly achieve a 98% supply rate. Our extremely talented technician has all the factory diagnostic equipment on hand and even better he really knows how to use it!

At Hyosung Motorcycles we also source high quality used bikes from the USA. They are all handpicked and chosen for their overall integrity and appeal to the Kiwi rider. Currently we have a range of Harley Davidsons ranging from $10,495 to $24,995 including sportsters, Dynas and Soft tails.

Both directors of our business started riding bikes over 40 years ago in backyards. From backyards they progressed eventually to Bathurst, Daytona, The Isle of Man TT and most famous race tracks throughout Europe. Experience and qualifications is something we are not short of.
We pride ourselves on friendly and efficient service offering good advice based on experience and proper staff training. We have MTF finance on site and can pre approve you in 15 minutes.

Email: Click to email Sales or Click here to email Workshop.
Business Hours
Mon 8:30am – 5:30pm      Tue 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Wed 8:30am – 5:30pm      Thu 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Fri 8:30am – 5:30pm          Sat 9:00am – 4.00pm
Sun Closed
Techmoto: Sponsor of Monthly Meat Raffles 
Discounts for Ulysses and SuperGold card holders, located in the iconic former industrial area now converted to shops and plenty of bars, cafes and above all, good coffee!
Phil and Gail Scott's Techmoto store caters for road and adventure riders with high quality helmets and apparel from Arai, Nolan and Spidi.  There is a huge range of Givi and Ventura luggage, plus motorcycle-specific tools as well as spares and accessories. 
Open weekdays 9.30-5.30 and 9.00-4.00 on Saturday Phone 
09 4461610
Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
VTNZ Offer
VTNZ are again running a national spring campaign aimed at all motorcyclists with a $5 discount on WOF plus 10 Fly Buy points from 8th September – 9th November.  The offer will be posted on the VTNZ website from 8 September where a voucher can be downloaded and then taken to VTNZ to redeem.
Click here for a copy of the voucher for your reference to be presented before 9th November
If it is your birthday this month, don't forget to take a bottle of wine for the raffles on club night.
If you have any unwanted gifts, donate them for the raffle prizes.
Subscriber Details
At the bottom of this newsletter is a link so you can update your subscriber details.  There is also a button if you really want to cancel your subscription.
Wine Bottle Caps
Save your bottle tops from your wine bottles and bring along to each monthly meeting. These get passed onto Lions Club who collect as a fundraiser for Child Dialysis.  Get your local restaurant on board and have them keep the bottle tops for you.  
Photo Gallery from November Rides
Thanks to contributions from Ben Becker 
Rob and Sue Boyle

Bar bar bar Barbar Ann (aka Barry Holland)
Rini Van Driel
Pink Ribbon Run - Our guys supporting breast cancer awareness.
If you would like a copy of the original photo please see Barry Holland
More Pics from Bikefest in Las Vegas
1. Captain America                                         2. Rini won "Shopper of the year"    
3. Bobby and Chibs from "Sons of Anarchy"  4.  Harley Bagger
Tauwhare Military Museum Ride Sunday 19th October,
by Peter Hyde 9022
As this was my grand debut at taking a ride I was a tad nervous that everything would go without a hitch, I knew there would be several pairs of eyes watching me ready to pounce on any little slip up with a report to the sheriff.

The weather on Saturday was not very promising as it persisted down for most of the night but by morning, to my relief it had passed over and was a lovely sunny day.  I fired up the Highly Dangerous and Terri and I headed for the Papakura petrol stop and meeting point.  Several of the members were already in the café getting coffeed up so we sat and chatted as other members filtered in.  We had several riders from the Auckland chapter join us which was good to see them tag along with the North Harbour club.

With thirteen bikes present I gave my pre ride talk with Rini volunteering to be tail end Charlie, apparently he likes that position!! we headed off southward.  The closer we got towards the Taupiri roundabouts I became increasingly worried about the layout of the new road in that area with the new turnoff to the Hamilton expressway and remembering my warning to the lads back at the pre ride talk that if I got lost not to follow me in the back of my mind.  We negotiated the first roundabout and I turned and said to Terri, my copilot, “I am not sure which way to go now”  and she said “I think you go right” so  like all good husbands I went left. One hundred meters down the road I knew it was the wrong way. Peering in my mirror I could see a straggly line of headlights behind me so I thought "carry on Pete, it will a nice ride through the countryside anyway and we will get to our destination sometime."
As it turned out it was a lovely cruise with several stops at major intersections with me scratching my chin and much studying of sign posts, I was not yet ready to admit defeat or consult my phone GPS.  We shot off down another series of roads until all of a sudden, Terri tapping me on the shoulder pointing to Platt Road, “thank…. for that”   I thought as the museum was now not far away,  so I thought.  After a few more twists and turns I could not find Victoria road so I finally pulled up on the side of the road when one of our riders on his GPS equipped BMW announced that the military museum was just around the corner, for the second time I thought  “thank … for that.”  Andy Moreland and his crew were waiting for us at the front of his expansive barn.  After introducing ourselves they showed us around his mindboggling collection of military hardware and paraphernalia and everything one could imagine in-between.
For the first half an hour I walked around with my mouth open in disbelief that one man could not only collect all this stuff but also restore it to working condition.  We spent an hour looking around and chatting to Andy and accepting their kind offer of tea or coffee it was time for us to head for the Woodside estate and lunch, about a ten minute ride away.  I found our destination without too much trouble; by now my riding buddies had lost all faith in me being able to find anything.

The Woodside estate café looked a little posh for us Bikers with lots of posh looking people inside eating dainty cakes and sipping wine.  With a growing fear that I had brought the lads to an overpriced restaurant I studied the menu and to my horror it had stuff on it like rhubarb compote and French toast with lemon curd and stuff with this drizzled over that, but nobody made any rude comments aimed at me and everyone seemed to find something on the menu to their liking.  After lunch we fired up and the next stop was Pokeno for the obligatory Pokeno ice-cream.  Parking wherever we could find space amongst the myriad of tintops we all sauntered into the nearest ice-cream shop.  One of our members who shall remain nameless (Wayne Painter) after much toing and froing in front of the glass fronted ice-cream selections opted for goodygoodygumdrops, now that says it all!

I have to admit that the two spectacular looking Indians attracted a crowd of people looking at the bikes as we licked away our ice-creams (but it could have also been the shiny black Harley….who knows)
We all had places to go and things to do so headed back to Auckland at our own pace, so ended a very enjoyable day with good company and ride.  I can highly recommend a visit to Andy’s museum, give him a ring first, I have his number.
This month our Sheriff, Peter Webb,
has had to put on his
to come up with some devious ideas to extract fines.  He comments that we are not living up to the Ulysses motto and we are all just too nice.

Dob in a mate, with all proceeds going to North Harbour Ulysses.  
You asked for it.....
More tales from Peter Hyde.
Indian Adventures
by Peter Hyde 9022
In 1996 we went to India for three months.  The land of the Royal Enfield Bullet (who on earth could call one of those things a Bullet, probably the same person who made an Indian and called it a Chief……an oxymoron I think).  The streets were full of them in various states of repair or disrepair.  We Kiwis think we are the masters of number 8 fencing wire, but we having nothing on the Indians, their  entire country is held together with it.  I saw in India another evil beast it was a 350cc Enfield diesel.  Most of them had more oil caked on the outside of the engine than was on the inside.  Most of them had an air compressor mounted on the rear frame work driven off the engine via Vee belts for pumping up tires etc, a great idea could do with one on the Harley, although it took a bit of head scratching to figure out what it actually was.
It seemed that every vehicle, and I use that term very loosely, that had some sort of engine, belched smoke from every orifice.  The Indian people must hold the world record for loading as many people on a motorcycle as is possible. We have all seen those crazy clips on You Tube, I have seen it first hand and it never ceased to amaze me.  Dad, Mum, an assortment of children and the picture is not complete without the mother in law and last but not least a baby perched on the handle bars.  But the whole ensemble was safe because Dad had the one and only helmet on, suck on that one ACC.

Arriving in the old Hippy, dope smoking capital of Goa we decided to hire a Vespa scooter and ride out into the countryside along the coast road north towards Bombay.  We hummed along the swaying palm fringed road that was actually just millions of potholes filled in with tar seal.  We came to a long sweeping bay with white sandy beaches that was completely deserted (if that is possible in a country with 1.2 billion people).  I stopped the Vespa on the side of the road/track and we got completely carried away with the beauty and isolation of the place and running down the beach, shedding clothes as we went and dived bollicky naked into the sea.  Ok Ok, too much information, moving right along. Back on the road and as we entered a small village the clutch cable snapped.

We sat down on the curb gazed at the dead Vespa and contemplated our situation.  A young boy of about eight or nine with a grease smeared face approached us and asked me what the problem was.  I looked at him and off handedly told him the clutch cable was broken.  He said  “no problem I fix for you 100 rupees”, doing a quick calculation in my head I whispered out the corner of my mouth to Amy, that’s one dollar Kiwi. Thinking that he must have an uncle or something with an repair shop I said okay go ahead.  The kid took off like a scared rabbit and was back in five minutes with a new cable and a hand full of tools.  In a flash he had the Vespa lying over on its side so he could get at the guts of the thing.

Looking around we spotted a little shack that resembled a shop front.  Almost melting in the heat we sauntered over in the hope that we could get something to drink and if it was cold that would be a bonus. The shop had a big red advert painted on the woodwork lauding the benefits of drinking “Thumbs Up” the atrocious competitor to Coke.  There was the usual collection of children hanging around the front step, all with rustic clothing and snotty noses but beautiful smiles.  The woman proprietress of the establishment (shabby wooden shack) was wearing all her jewelry, her ears were covered in gold rings as was her nose.  She had gold chains dangling down from each nostril and up to each ear lobe, each finger and toe was full of rings.  She must have been quite a catch for someone.  She apologized most profusely that she did not have any Coke but did have some soda water.  We ordered two bottles and she brought out two bottles on a battered silver tray from somewhere at the rear of the shop.  The bottles did not have caps but small glass marbles in the neck to keep the contents in. To open them you got a small stick and pushed the marbles off the rubber seal, they were the same as our grandparents had one hundred years ago.  The children stood around us pushing and shoving each other waiting for the empty bottles which I guess, if they were like us as kids, was sold back to the shop owner who took them out the back and refilled them. Finishing the sodas that weren’t cold but they were wet and almost being tackled to the ground by the throng of kids, we wandered back to our young mechanic.  He was just pulling the scooter up on its center stand, he stood wiping his grubby hands on his grubbier shorts watching me testing the clutch lever with a few pulls.  He smiled with pride as I nodded with satisfaction and handed him 100 rupees, yelling at him not to spend it all in the same shop as he dashed off towards the shack across the road.  Our last view of him was a toothless grin holding up a bottle of “Thumbs Up” he slipped from sight in the rear view mirror as we headed down the road back to Goa and camp.

One month later we were camping in a small village somewhere in northern Rajasthan.  One day a local Indian lad that we had got to know, came excitedly running up to us to tell us that a band of Gypsies were encamped by a small lake not far away.  We were very excited with this news as the Gypsies of India are the originals and every other gypsy in Europe came from them.  They are extremely elusive and not many people get to see them, they only stay in one place overnight and are gone the next day, they are like ghosts.  The young Indian lad owned an old shabby Royal Enfield, so after some very quick negotiations I persuaded him to hire it to us and he was quick to capitalize on the situation and ask for an extortionate rental but we didn’t care I would have bought the bike from him if I had to, anything to see the Gypsies.

Leaping aboard the bike we were off down the dirt road towards the lake.  One hundred meters on the bike started to cough and miss, I thought  No please lord don’t break down on me then it occurred to me, turn the fuel on dummy, reaching down and pushing the fuel cock across the engine picked up and all the 11.5 horses kicked in.  By a small miracle I managed to find the camp site. We sat on the bike and took in the incredible site.  The women were tall and elegant and like the lady in the little shop wore all their jewelry. They all wore brightly patterned long deeply pleated skirts almost reaching the ground.  Like the rest of the country the women were doing all the chores while the men sat around and watched (man I want to live there).  The men were very dark skinned and their faces were very deeply lined and they all wore bright red turbans.  With them they had a large herd of camels, these beasts of burden were used to carry all their worldly possessions, everything was loaded onto them and this little understood nomadic bunch of men, women and a plethora of children walked beside them as they had done all their lives and others had done for thousands of years, as I observed them I thought to myself that it must be kind of nice to do something or be part of something that your family had done for eons.  I felt very fortunate to have witnessed this scene.

I fired up the Enfield and we wobbled off down the dirt road towards camp. The road had some tight hairpin bends and everything was going swimmingly good until after hurtling around one bend we met a herd of water buffaloes being driven by a woman wielding a long stick.  It was too late for me to avoid a collision and I ploughed into the rear of the last Buffalo and knocked it off its feet.  With great skill (yeah right) I managed to keep control of the machine and narrowly missed ending up in the ditch along the road side, with the woman in her gathered up dress chasing us waving her long stick and yelling something about 1000 curses on my grandmothers grave we missed a flogging and sped down the road to safety.

Arriving back at camp without any further mishap we had time to talk about the wonderful experience and then it dawned on us that in the rush  we had left the camera behind.  I probably could have sold the photos to National Graphic, so elusive are the Gypsies of India.
God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world...then he made the world round and he laughed and laughed!

Who is This?

Last month was our Chief, Wayne Painter
I remember tents like that!
I'll give you the answer next month. 
Please send me your photos.  You will enjoy digging through all those memories.

Brent donates vouchers monthly for the Social evenings.  Pop in to Spectrum and chat to Grant for bike services, bike sales and accessories. 
Check out ProRider Website for all available courses.
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough.

Need that badge sewn on, then call in on Merine.
Never ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.
Click Here for Printer Friendly Runs List
Ulysses North Harbour
Runs and Event Calendar
Runs Coordinator
Rider in Charge (RIC) would appreciate all participants of rides to be at the departure point 10 minutes early with a full tank of gas.  If the weather looks suspect then please phone the RIC to see if the ride is postponed or cancelled. 

The Rider in Charge will be organizing the day.  Contact them for details.  All riders participating in a Ulysses Ride are expected to hold a current motorcycle license, wear suitable clothing and to have a registered and warranted road-worthy bike.

The organizers and/or the Ulysses Club are not responsible for participants safety and all participants participate at their own risk.

All participants are aware that they are traveling on open public roads and are responsible for their own safety and compliance with all Rules and Laws.

Please check your runs list as some rides or destinations may have changed from initial calendar entry.
Club Night Meeting and Social Evening
Held at North Shore Cosmopolitan Club,  
65 Paul Mathews Drive, Albany
1st Thursday of the Month.
Meals available from 5.30pm and meeting starts at 7.30pm
Every 3rd Wednesday of the month 2014 (6 pm onwards), Bar & kitchen open at 5.30 pm.

Kaiaua Fish and Chip Run
For Lunch 
Departs Papakura Service Centre
at 10.00am

RIC: Rini Van Driel

Mobile: 027 2790864
Home:  09 415 6814

Note: Ride and Destination change
November 6th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here
7th to 9th
South Taranaki Tourers Weekend
Departs Papakura  Service Centre
at 10.30am

RIC: Wayne Painter
Mobile: 027 2891018

Shop phone: 09 410 4715
Excellent weekend away with the South Taranaki Tourers organising a poker run on the Saturday.
Click for Registration Form and Rally Invite Letter
South Taranaki Tourers Weekend, Hawera
This year, The Mount View Motel owners, Ron and Paula Nicholl are offering our rally visitors 10% DISCOUNT for the weekend, they will also provide a free courtesy van for their guests to and from the South Taranaki Club until midnight.
Mount View Motel can be contacted by e-mail:   Click here  
Phone 06 2784091.   Just mention the South Taranaki Tourers Rally when making your bookings.
Other accommodation available; 

Avon Lodge Motel……....06 278 7144          Rembrandt Motel……..06 278 5500
Central Motor Lodge……06 278 8831         The Park Motel………..06 278 7275
Tudor Lodge………….....06 278 6800         Kiwi Court Motel………06 278 8167

Saturday November 15th 2014

Poker Hand $ 25.00 Includes Patch
Best Hand $1000.00
Spot Prizes for Bikes and Trikes.
Open to all bikes.
Meeting at
521 Mt Wellington Highway, Mt Wellington
Registration 9.30am - 10.30am.  
Inquiries to: Dave 021934989
November 16th
Pete's run has changed again so Ulysses can support this worthy cause.
November 19th.  It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive.  Reservations Here

Hamilton North Special Schools'
8th Annual Charity Motorbike Run.
$5.00 Entry
Departs Papakura Service Centre
at 7.30am

RIC: Wayne Painter

Mobile: 027 2891018
Shop: 09 4104715
Help children with Special Needs.
Note: Ride and destination change
South Head and Around
Lunch and Ice Cream Run
Departs Cossie Club
at 10.00am

RIC: Wayne Larsen

Mobile: 021 02828442
Home: 09 4768071

Note: Ride and destination change
Coromandel Town
Coromandel Overnight
After overwhelming  response at NH Ulysses dinner night, the Abbey Court Motel is completely booked prior to publicising this event in the newsletter.  We don't want anyone to miss out so I have included a list of accommodation situated close to the township, for those who wish to book their own place to stay. We will ride together and all meet up for Saturday night.  Email Nigel to advise if you are attending this ride.
Coromandel TOP 10 Holiday Park 
636 Rings Rd, Coromandel
07-866 8830

Admirals Arms Hotel,
146 Wharf Rd, Coromandel 3506 
07-866 7992 

Coromandel Court Motel
365 Kapanga Rd, Coromandel
07-866 8402 
Coromandel Colonial Cottage Motel
1737 Rings Rd, Coromandel,
07-866 8857 

6th and 7th

Departs Papakura Service Centre on Saturday at 10.00 a.m.
Coromandel Overnight
Let Nigel know if you are attending this overnighter so arrangements can be made for Saturday night.
RIC:  Nigel Scott
Email:  Click Here

Mob: 021 2447724
Home: 09 4283714

Last ride of the year.
John's Manukau Coastal Cruise
Departs Manukau Cruising Club at 10.00am
Bring along a picnic lunch
RIC: John Heebink

Mobile: 021 1285806
Home: 09 810 9160
December 17th.  North Harbour Ulysses Christmas Dinner .
Reservations with meal choice essential to Wayne Painter

Dave's Midweek Wednesday Rides
RIC: Dave Moore
Mobile: 027 3225599
Home: 09 4451540
Are you free to ride Midweek?
Why not join Dave on Wednesday's
Departs NS Cossie Club at 11.00am
Destination decided on the day.
These rides are proving very popular.
Highlight your calendar with these upcoming rides or events.

North Harbour Ulysses will be holding a weekend poker run, in May.  More information coming soon...........
Northern Odyssey
Click Here for Information & Registration Form for the inaugural Northern Odyssey to be run by Waikato Branch over summer,
commencing on Boxing Day.
Check out the CAMS website – and click on the yellow Southern Classic Festival logo, this will link you through to the SCF page with relevant links to rider registration form, supplementary regulation details and links for all our supportive sponsors!! 
Click here for printable registration form for Auckland Rally
Why? Why? Why?

Why can't mosquito's suck fat, instead of blood.

Why stop dreaming when you wake up?


If flying is so safe, why do we call the airport the terminal?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
An old blind guy wanders into an all girl biker bar by mistake....
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender - 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The whole bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says - 'Before you tell that joke Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things':
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy Club'.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The old guy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters
'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.......' 

Mrs.Ravioli went to visit her son for dinner. Anthony has a very attractive flatmate Maria. During the evening Mama couldn't help but notice the way Anthony and Maria interacted and she began to wonder.  Anthony noticed this and said "Mama I know what you're thinking and I assure you we are just flatmates."  A few days after Mama's visit Maria said to Anthony "Ever since your mother was here for dinner we have been missing the silver sugar bowl." Anthony said "I don't think she would take it but I will email her."  His email went like this - Dear Mama, Our silver sugar bowl is missing and I am not saying you took it and I am not saying you didn't take it, but it disappeared after you were here for dinner. Love Anthony.

Next day a reply came from Mama. It said –

Dear Anthony, I am not saying you do sleep with Maria and I am not saying you don't sleep with her but the fact remains that if she is sleeping in her own bed she would have found the silver sugar bowl by now. Love Mama.

As the great Chinese Philosopher Lao-Zhu  allegedly said ...
"It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence."

and one from Theodore Roosevelt...
If you could kick the person in the pants most responsible for all your troubles, then you wouldn't sit for a month.
Shit of a Day

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying.."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete fuckup. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man.....And then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.  I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve, and then you show up and drink the whole darn thing!

But, fuck it, enough about me, how are you doing?"
  And finally...A couple go to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies "Autumn!"
Members Free Ads

Space here for Members advert.  Please include Your name and membership number.
Wayne #1756 & Dale Painter #1774
Paul #8047 & Niki Morrison #8052
Paul Gallagher # 3266
Clive Hawthorn #8617
Young riders pick a destination and go....Old riders pick a direction and go.
Any views or opinions presented in this newsletter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the North Harbour Ulysses Branch Committee.
Please add editor's email address to your contacts to avoid your newsletter ending up in spam.
Copyright © 2014 Ulysses Club North Harbour Branch, All rights reserved.

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