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North Harbour Ulysses Newsletter.
Edition 17
November 2015


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Any time, contributions always welcome.   Email: Editor
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Edition 17
 
Today I read Charlie Truell's post in the North Harbour Facebook page and thought that all members should share what is going on in North Harbour Wednesday rides.  See his post further down the page. 

I always welcome your contributions for the newsletter.  It takes some of the chore out of compiling this newsletter for you.


Regards
Jeni Van Driel
Coordinator
What a great Club Night we had last month, around 90 members & visitors enjoyed the evening and Garth our new club chef was put under a lot of pressure as he  prepared about 70 meals, there has been a marked improvement in the standard of the meals with more options and variety coming as he gets settled in. 
As a follow on from the Ronnie Run we had 13 new membership applications with 11 of them using club night as their second event and joining. Our branch is going from strength to strength at present we have 208 members and everybody is enjoying our easy going social atmosphere, the weather is improving so check your bike over and make sure your tyre pressures are correct then join in on our rides.
At last count we had 95 members who need to renew their membership for 2016 onwards, I have sent out reminder emails to all those I had an address for and some bounced back “wrong address”. If you didn’t get a reminder please make sure NatCom has your right email address. You can have a combined membership discount if you both live at the same address and renew at the same time. We have renewal forms available at club night.
The Omapere weekend away was a great success with 33 members coming along and it was nice to have a broad range of old to new members, we purchased 3 bottles of Port and made a toast to Stoney when we arrived and told a few stories of our experiences with him, a hard case with a Heart of Gold.
The wind was quite strong on Saturday as we travelled up through Dargaville and the Waipoua Forest but the ride home on Sunday via Kaikohe & the Twin Bridges road was perfect. Thanks Niki & Paul Morrison for arranging this weekend.
Our next weekend away is to Coromandel 12th/13th December, contact Nigel Scott (021 244 7724) for accommodation details, this will be another good ride and a fun weekend. Open to everyone, the more the merrier.
Due to changed circumstances Niki Morrison wishes to stand down as Branch Secretary, Donna Scott has offered to stand in as Branch Secretary until the next Branch AGM and the committee has agreed to this. Niki will stay on as a committee member and give Donna any assistance required for a smooth hand over. We thank Niki for all the work she did helping get the branch established and in her job as Secretary her help to me has been invaluable especially when I was trying to learn Mail Chimp.
Dale & I travelled down to Lower Hutt for the NatCom Meeting, a lovely ride until we got to Sanson where the wind was horrendous all the way to the Hutt, riding on a constant lean is not fun. Coming home on Sunday was no better and it rained as well until we got to Turangi. When we got home our new neighbour said ‘what a lovely day for a ride’ yeah right!! we were knackered.
Many important items were discussed at the NatCom/Coordinators meeting. Some members are worried about the new Health & Safety laws coming soon, we will not be affected as we are volunteers and a not for profit group. As long as we are not employing someone or doing anything for profit we are exempt, everyone on a Branch Ride should sign the ride sheet which specifies that you are responsible for your own safety, you will comply with all rules of the road and your bike is registered with a current WOF.
There was a complaint made by a club member to NatCom after a photo of a member wearing our logo and branch rocker at a MC gang gathering was posted on Facebook, after much discussion it was decided that the large logo and rockers could still be worn on jackets etc but discretion should be used where it could bring the Club and our members into disrepute.
It was also decided that each branch could choose between the title of Branch President or Branch Coordinator, whatever the title the word Branch should precede the title.
 
During the workshop the attendees were split up into small groups to discuss ways to attract and keeps members and what we should be offering them, all the ideas and decisions will put together to formulate a plan to carry us through the next five years.
Some branches wanted the Remembrance Weekend shifted to a later date when the weather would be better, most people didn’t know the history of the weekend and the reason we held the Remembrance in August until I explained the history and Mel Curran’s accident/death, it was decided to keep it in August however NatCom will only give a small subsidy towards both North & South Island services as they are not a National event.
The new National website will be up & running by March 2016, it will give personalised access to members and allow them to update their membership details. There will also be a better online shopping option.
The motorcycle raffle tickets which fund our rider training and subsidise the cost of the Hi Vis jackets will go on sale December 19th  there are only 2300 tickets so if you missed out this year get in quick by booking your ticket with me at club night. The raffle will be drawn at the National Rally & AGM in Westport.
There will be a second rider training group in Auckland soon as well as ProRider, there is a $20.00 subsidy from NatCom on all rider training/improvement courses, you must notify NatCom BEFORE you do the course to be available for the subsidy.  Email Jim Furneaux with course details.
The BRM magazine can no longer afford to subsidise our National Ulyssian Magazine as advertising is not covering the costs. At the moment National funds are being used to cover the shortfall and the postage, there was a lot of discussion on the way forward with strong support for cutting costs by offering a digital version available on our website.
 
Tickets for our Christmas Dinner & Dance are available at $25.00, financial Branch members will get a $10.00 subsidy and everyone who buys a ticket will get their 1st drink on the house. Music is by the North Harbour Rockers so get in quick, book a taxi or sort out who will be the sober driver as this will be a fun way to end the year and start the holiday season.
Rini, Dale & I will be away to the Burt Munro Rally 20th November until 4th or 5th Dec. Xmas Dinner tickets will be available at November & December Club Nights or Email Joy Zaloum at or Email Donna Scott.  Invitation forms are available at club night, dinner night and on our website.
Many of our members have joined the Cossie Club it is not expensive and it is our way of repaying the hospitality and free use of their clubrooms, it also means you don’t have to sign in when you come to clubnight or functions. You can use your membership in any Chartered Club in New Zealand when you are travelling and you can also use the clubrooms for private functions at no cost. Get a membership form from the bar and if you join before Xmas it will only cost $13.50 plus $10.00 admin fee,  join and be there to win the Friday night members draw which increases by $50.00 per week up to a maximum of $1000.00, you have to be there with your membership card to win .

Dates to Remember
27th, 28th, 29th November Auckland
Branch Rally, Entry forms at Club night or
call Rob Bissett 021 130 8927.

28th November BRONZ Toy Run.
December  12th/13th , Coromandel
weekend away, call Nigel Scott for
bookings accommodation bookings,
021 244 7724, another good weekend away.

19th December (Saturday), Xmas
breakup Dinner & Dance.

March 11th-13th 2016:  Guss Rally in
Nelson, entry form in NatMag

March 18th-20th  2016:  National Rally/AGM
in Westport, entry form in NatMag

Wayne Painter #1756 L/M
Coordinator, North Harbour Branch
ACC Levies for the future – have your say NOW.  You only have until October 30th
 
ACC are wanting feedback on ACC levies and there is a specific section for motorcycles. They would like to see bikes rated into 3 categories, mopeds, up to 600cc and over 600cc. The suggested annual rate for motorcycles over 600cc is $2114.00
 
We all have a chance to have a say in this at their web site
 
https://www.shapeyouracc.co.nz/our-proposals/considering-motorcycle-levies/
 
I believe it is imperative that we all do have a say, otherwise we could be forced into exorbitant rates which would see the number of motorbikes on our roads severely reduced which would have the added effect of further increases to cover the smaller pool of payers.
 
Personally I don’t think that ACC are the best providers of insurance and rehabilitation services. If we make no comments or suggestions ACC will consider that the way they calculate and charge levies is the right way. There are private insurers who can provide accident cover at much better rates than the Government can. Private insurers will however not make a pay out if it is proven that you were breaking the law etc, whereas ACC don’t make a judgement as far as I understand. Bear in mind that the law in this country is constantly changing.
 
Here’s an example of a recent crash and the resulting penalties imposed on the person in the wrong. A young rider was knocked off his bike along Main Rd Stoke at the intersection into/out of Whakatu Industrial Estate. The car driver turned right and took out the bike rider who was heading towards Stoke. The car driver appeared in court and was told to attend a restorative justice meeting. At this meeting he was told he needed to cover costs of the bike rider, incl bike repairs, loss of wages etc. So it seems that a fine and loss of licence is a minimum. I understood that ACC would cover rehabilitation and pay 80% of wages until able to work again. I phoned my insurance company to see if my bike and car policy covered third party liability over and above vehicle damage, and it does. This seems to me that ACC are getting 2 slices from me, ACC levy on my registration and ACC levy on my insurance premiums.
 
The option to make suggestions closes on the 30th October, so get your act together and say something, don’t think “someone else will do it”
We have set-up a fund-raising page through Give-A-Little where you can make a donation online and 100% of the funds goes to Ronald McDonald House Auckland.  You get a tax deductible receipt.  If everyone gave up the cost of a coffee once a month ($5) - that would raise over $12,000 per year from Ulysses North Harbour for RMHA.
 
 
Let’s get behind it and set the benchmark as far as what this branch of the Ulysses Club can do for our community.
 
                              
 
Givealittle Donations Update   
We have raised $900.00 so far for Ronald McDonald House.  This is a simple and easy way to support the House monthly - every $5, $10, $20 or more goes a long way. Remember that 100% of your donation goes through to the House and anything above $5 is tax deductible.  You will get an emailed receipt within a few minutes of making your donation.  So whether you want to support it with a one-off donation or a regular amount - we appreciate your support.                                                                                                

If you are looking for a local venue hire, catering for 20 to 200 people then check out the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  They have a huge dance floor, well stocked bar, outdoor area & very friendly staff.  If you are a member then venue hire is free.
Also available are private areas suitable for business meetings, staff training/demonstrations etc.  Check out www.nscossie.co.nz for upcoming events and contact information.
Shirt
North Harbour Ulysses Branch Shirts and Ulysses Gear
 
Black & Maroon Dri Gear Branch Shirts 
with North Harbour Branch Logo, now available.
Dale has a large selection of Ulysses gear for sale, from buckles to t-shirts.
See Dale on Club night.
Please support North Harbour Branch sponsors.
Cyclespot
Cyclespot Group, Major North Harbour Branch Sponsor
Grant donates vouchers monthly for Social Evenings and
 advertises in the monthly newsletter.  
Pop into Cyclespot and check out the range of bikes & accessories.
Cyclespot
Priced from $26,995.00 plus ORC
Norton
It is with great delight that we introduce the all new Chief Dark Horse, unlike other bikes in the Indian line-up, it is understated with only a flash of chrome and adds a healthy dose of black paint. By all but eliminating the chrome from the motorcycle and swapping to black tubeless cast wheels, the Dark Horse conveys an aggressive pose at odds with the traditional heritage image of Indian.
Blacked out from end to end, the Dark Horse is powered by the highly rated Thunder Stroke 111 engine wrapped in the same chassis and suspension of the Indian Chief Classic.  The Dark Horse also continues the high level of standard specs including ABS brakes, keyless ignition and electronic cruise control. The Dark Horse is an ideal motorcycle for those seeking to customise their rides with just shy of 40 unique accessories. Come in to Cyclespot USA to see it in the flesh.
Hyosung
Hyosung Motorcycles are located at 73 Barrys Point Rd, Takapuna. We are New Zealand’s biggest Hyosung dealership and also New Zealand’s distributors for these excellent Korean made bikes carrying a full range of demonstrators from 50cc scooters to the four 650cc LAMS models. Our spare parts inventory incorporates 25,000 items and we regularly achieve a 98% supply rate. Our extremely talented technician has all the factory diagnostic equipment on hand and even better he really knows how to use it!
       
 MTF finance available T.A.P and discounted insurance through Protecta or Vero.
Email: Click to email Sales or Click here to email Workshop.
Business Hours
Mon 8:30am – 5:30pm      Tue 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Wed 8:30am – 5:30pm      Thu 8:30am – 5:30pm 
Fri 8:30am – 5:30pm          Sat 9:00am – 4.00pm
Sun Closed
Hyosung
Techmoto: Sponsor of Monthly Meat Raffles 
Discounts for Ulysses and SuperGold card holders, located in the iconic former industrial area now converted to shops and plenty of bars, cafes and above all, good coffee!
Phil and Gail Scott's Techmoto store caters for road and adventure riders with high quality helmets and apparel from Arai, Nolan and Spidi.  There is a huge range of Givi and Ventura luggage, plus motorcycle-specific tools as well as spares and accessories. 
Open weekdays 9.30-5.30 and 9.00-4.00 on Saturday Phone 
09 4461610
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Raffles
If it is your birthday this month, don't forget to take a bottle of wine for the raffles on club night.
If you have any unwanted gifts, donate them for the raffle prizes.
Subscriber Details
At the bottom of this newsletter is a link so you can update your subscriber details.  There is also a button if you really want to cancel your subscription.
Wine Bottle Caps
Save your bottle tops from your wine bottles and bring along to each monthly meeting. These get passed onto Lions Club who collect as a fundraiser for Child Dialysis.  Get your local restaurant on board and have them keep the bottle tops for you.  
Reviews and Photo Gallery 
Harley Davidson on display at October meeting thanks to Beau from Hyosung.
Celebration of Stoney's life with a shot of port.
Leaving from Wellsford,
Seal pup, lunch at The Office Maungatapere,
Michelle and Judy with Tane Mahuta, seal pup at Omapere.
Pink Ribbon 2015 for Breast Cancer Awareness.
Kauri Museum Ride.
Facebook post from Les Duffield
First time as RIC, after 15 ks, turned right instead of left, Oops!!! instead of tar sealed road, grotty metaled road, much to the disgust of those who had cleaned and polished their bikes for 3-4 hours but the beam on Charlie's face was worth it, he just loves the gravel. Oh well $2 to the Sheriff. A long planned ride today to the Kauri Museum at Matakohe, via Mangwhai and then Karwaka (for some reason pronounced Car woca, or so I was told). Barbara took the piccies so hopefully they will be with us soon. We had 19 bikes on the ride, funny that I only came back with 5....... bugger.
Great having Linda with us on her 250 trying to stay with the 'big boys', we let them go later and we brought up the rear, she tells me there will be more joining, that is great news for the club. Linda led us back most of the way.
Goodish weather, good company and great scenery, wow North Island, you are looking good.
Cheers Les
PS: Sorry Peeps, forgot to thank TEC Nick, Charlie his wealth of knowledge, Russell (he proves I'm sane) and all who had fun. Cheers
Wednesday Ride by Charlie Truell

We had eight bikes and riders on today's ride. David Wayne Moore led us to the Beachfront Rest Home in Stanmore Bay, where the residents came to admire our bikes, have their photos taken sitting on them, and to tell us their stories of bike ownership in earlier days. The Home kindly provided us with a cup of tea and a biscuit each.

Afterwards, Don Baverstock led us to Shakespear Regional Park, and then to Ripples Cafe at Gulf Harbour for lunch.
Border
Peter Webb
Raffle Prizes and Tattle-Tales Wanted
 “Sheriff wants unwanted gifts and wine for birthdays and worthy events in your LIVES “
And please email ‘SHERIFF, I HAVE A TALE’ to Pete. 
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.
One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement." The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine." 


Giggles & Groans from the Grandson

Why did the robber retire?
He just couldn't take it anymore.
*****************
When is Grand-pop's bedtime? 

Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

*****************
What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the phew! 


*****************
I invited a teddy bear to dinner yesterday.
I offered him some food but he said,
"No thanks I'm stuffed". 
Guess Who?
This gentleman is probably more familiar to the Wednesday riders.  Great shots of ?? riding a BSA and a Matchless.
I'll let you know next month who it is.
Spectrum

Brent donates vouchers monthly for the Social evenings.  Pop in to Spectrum and chat to Grant for bike services, bike sales and accessories. 
Prorider
Become part of the Pro Rider Community
Visit your local motorcycle/scooter shop and ask about a Ride Forever voucher from Pro Rider, get one for a friend. Book via the Pro Rider website and have your say on our Facebook page!
The Pro Rider Riders Club is coming soon. Keep an eye on Facebook!
Check out ProRider Website for all available courses.
www.prorider.co.nz
Border
How do you tell when you have run out of invisible ink?
Merine



Need that badge sewn on, then call in on Merine.
Phone 021 708677
 
Remembrance Run Badges 2015 and
Ronnie Run Badges

There are a number of badges left over and if you would like to purchase see Dale on Club Night.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke. 
The Editor can recommend this enthusiastic bunch of young men for tree removal and pruning.
Check runs list for organised ride with
Dave McAnulty
Travelling to the South Island then check out
NZ Classic Motorcycles Museum - Nelson. Located at 75 Haven Road Nelson this is a purpose built museum showcasing one of the largest, comprehensive private collections of classic, veteran and vintage motorcycles and sidecars. It is believed to house one of the largest collections of Brough Superiors south of the equator and for a limited time, is the entrusted curator of the Britten motorcycle. If you are heading that way look them up on their website www.nzclassicmotorcycles.co.nz.
Click Here for Printer Friendly Runs List
Runs
Ulysses North Harbour
Runs and Event Calendar
 email:
Runs Coordinator
Rider in Charge (RIC) would appreciate all participants of rides to be at the departure point 10 minutes early with a full tank of gas.  If the weather looks suspect then please phone the RIC or check out North Harbour Ulysses facebook page to see if the ride is postponed or cancelled. 

The Rider in Charge will be organizing the day.  Contact them for details.  All riders participating in a Ulysses Ride are expected to hold a current motorcycle license, wear suitable clothing and to have a registered and warranted road-worthy bike.

The organizers and/or the Ulysses Club are not responsible for participants safety and all participants participate at their own risk.

All participants are aware that they are traveling on open public roads and are responsible for their own safety and compliance with all Rules and Laws.

 
Please check your runs list as some rides or destinations may have changed from initial calendar entry.
Club Night Meeting and Social Evening
Held at North Shore Cosmopolitan Club,  
65 Paul Mathews Drive, Albany
1st Thursday of the Month.
Meals available from 5.30pm and meeting starts at 7.30pm
 
NORTH SHORE DINNER NIGHT MAD DOGS & ENGLISHMEN Link Drive Wairau Park
Every 3rd Wednesday of the month 2014 (6 pm onwards), Bar & kitchen open at 5.30 pm.


 
November 5th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here 
November
6th, 7th
and 8th

Friday to Sunday


 


 
South Taranaki Tourers Weekend
Departs BP Papakura  Service Centre
at 10.30am
RIC: Wayne Painter
Mobile: 027 2891018
Excellent weekend away with the
South Taranaki Tourers organising a poker run on the Saturday.  
See Blackjack Brochure above

For accommodation try
Avon Motel
0800 288 048
Avonmotel@xtra.co.nz
November
15th
Sunday


 

 
Waihi Sterling Tavern for Lunch

Departs  BP Papakura Service Station at 10.00am

RIC: Wayne Larsen
Mobile: 021 02828442
Home: 09 4768071
Medium to Long
November 18th.  It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive.  Reservations Here.
November
22nd
Sunday

 

 
Tairua Ride

Departs  BP Papakura Service Station at 10.00am

RIC: Mike Orr
Mobile: 027 2919130

Medium to Long

November 29th
Sunday

 
Pizza Barn Waipu
3rd time lucky


Departs BP Dairy Flat Service Centre at 10.00am

RIC: Peter Zaloum

Mobile:  021 1807840
Home: 09 4190725 
Medium 
December 3rd. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club.  Meals available from 5.30pm.  Reservations Here 
December 
6th
Sunday


 
Vintage Fields Classic Show Thames

Departs  BP Papakura Service Station at 10.00am

RIC: David McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Home: 09 8109798
Medium
See full advert above.

Note Change of Date

Coromandel Overnighter
Now 12th December
Departs BP Papakura Service Centre at 10.00am
Phone RIC: Nigel Scott 021 2447724
to make bookings at a great motel.
Only four spots left so phone Nigel now.


Christmas Party Dinner and Dance
Saturday 19th December 6.00pm start
North Shore Cossie Club
Music by North Harbour Rockers 
Midweek Wednesday Rides and now Tuesday (check out NH Ulysses facebook page for details.)
Are you free to ride Midweek?
Why not join fellow Ulyssians on Wednesday's
Departs NS Cossie Club at 11.00am
Destination decided on the day.
These rides are proving very popular.
Highlight your calendar with these upcoming rides or events.

Red Knights Burns Run 

Ride for the Children of the Burns Unit.
February 2016

Taumaranui Cart Track Rally
February 12th to 14th 2016
 
          
 
 
RATES QUOTED FOR:
Ulysses
 
 
A discount of 10% off the best available fare applies for travel dates
18 January through to 19 December 2016
 
 
Booking conditions and instructions for members are:
 
Each reservation must be made direct with Interislander online at www.interislander.co.nz
 
Also check out our Premium Plus onboard lounge upgrades for total comfort at www.interislander.co.nz/Premium-Plus.aspx for 18yrs plus 
 
Simply insert the Promo code “XULY1”on the “Payment details” page then click on “enter” and this will apply the discount.
 
Membership card is required at the terminal on check in.  No membership card and retail fares will be charged.
 
Space is subject to availability at the time of the booking request.
 
The normal conditions of the above fare type apply - e.g. Easy Change is 100% refundable if cancelled.
 
Bookings made through our call centre are at regular rates.
Three Greeks and three Turks are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Turks each buy tickets and watch as the three Greeks buy only a  single ticket.
"How are 3 people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one Turk.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one Greek.
They all board the train. The Turks take their respective seats but all three Greeks cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, " Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Turks saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Turks decide to copy the Greeks on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Greeks don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Turk.
"Watch and you'll see," answers a Greek. When they board the train the three Turks cram into a restroom and the three Greeks cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of  the Greeks leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Turks are hiding. He knocks on the  door and says, "Ticket, please." 


An Irishman goes to a carpenter. "Can you build me a box that's two inches deep, two inches wide and 50 feet long?"

"Well," says the carpenter, "it could be done, I suppose, but what would you want with a box like that?"

"Well'" said the Irishman, "my neighbour moved away and forgot to take a few things with him -- and he asked me to send him his garden hose."


"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen.
It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."


++++++++++++++++++++++++


"Who discovered we could get milk from cows,
and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?" 


++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did you hear about the old chameleon that couldn't change colour? He had a reptile disfunction. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++

EXTREMELY BROWN BALLS

The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly. "All right" says the Doc, "drop' em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!". 

The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?" 

"Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, may I ask....." 

"No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?" 

"Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!" 

The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every day. 

"What?" she yells, "Clean underpants every day, and me with 17 kids to chase after! Seventeen kids to wash, feed, clothe, get to school, tidy after, and you want clean underpants every day? You must be bloody joking, I haven't even got time to wipe my arse!" 

"Ah" he said, "And that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about..."

Englishman, Irishman, & Scotsman

An englishman an irishman and a scotsman were in the sweltering desert walking around looking desperatly for something to eat and drink, when, as if out of nowhere, a camel appeared. The englishman caught the camel and spluttered I support "Liverpool, so I suppose I better eat the liver." The scotsman immediately shouted, "Well I support Hearts so I'll eat the heart." And then the rather mentally challenged irishman said, "I support Arsenal, but I don't feel hungry any more." 

What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
 
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
 
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
 
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. 
 
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." 
 
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." 
 
I rest my case.
Joke16
Members Free Ads

Space here for Members advert.  Please include Your name and membership number.
Jeeves
Paul #8047 & Niki Morrison #8052
Gallagher
Paul Gallagher # 3266
Leslie
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Steve Brackenridge  New Member
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Ben Becker 
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 
Any views or opinions presented in this newsletter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the North Harbour Ulysses Branch Committee.
Please add editor's email address to your contacts to avoid your newsletter ending up in spam.
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