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Techmoto: Sponsor of Monthly Meat Raffles
Discounts for Ulysses and SuperGold card holders, located in the iconic former industrial area now converted to shops and plenty of bars, cafes and above all, good coffee!
Phil and Gail Scott's Techmoto store caters for road and adventure riders with high quality helmets and apparel from Arai, Nolan and Spidi. There is a huge range of Givi and Ventura luggage, plus motorcycle-specific tools as well as spares and accessories.
Open weekdays 9.30-5.30 and 9.00-4.00 on Saturday Phone 09 4461610
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Lots of people are lousy at counting calories, and they
have the figures to prove it.
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Raffles
If it is your birthday this month, don't forget to take a bottle of wine for the raffles on club night.
If you have any unwanted gifts, donate them for the raffle prizes.
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Subscriber Details
At the bottom of this newsletter is a link so you can update your subscriber details. There is also a button if you really want to cancel your subscription.
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Wine Bottle Caps
Save your bottle tops from your wine bottles and bring along to each monthly meeting. These get passed onto Lions Club who collect as a fundraiser for Child Dialysis. Get your local restaurant on board and have them keep the bottle tops for you.
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Reviews and Photo Gallery
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Rob and Sue on a South Island Road Trip
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We were in Motueka and decided on a day trip to Farewell spit. The road goes over the Takeka hill which is 27 kms of windy road. Great for bikes but the locals get sick of tin top drivers complaining so have this response - see pic.
Stopped at a rustic pub called the mussel Inn. They have a strange cell phone pole and offer a special brew - see pics.
Walked across the spit to the ocean side and paddled in the Tasman Sea.
We went to Stirling point at Bluff - that's as far south as you can go on the mainland - then up the Bluff hill to the lookout. Stunning views and we could even see Stewart island. We went through the Catlins today and currently we're in Milton ready to explore Twizel, Tekapo and Mt cook on the way back up the island.
Rob and Sue Boyle
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North Harbour Ulysses
Inaugural Poker Run 2015
1st: Iraina Heebink
2nd: Jeremy Hoskin
3rd: Chris Perritt
A big thanks to the Sponsors support
Apex Trophies
Atlas Copco
Cyclespot
Cycletreads
Holeshot
Hyosung
Spectrum
North Shore Cossie Club (Entertainment)
A great day out. Thanks to all who took part and those who helped organise such a successful event. Card pick up spots were Murawai Gannet Colony, Shelly Beach, South Head for BBQ and Matakana Gelato for ice cream and back to the Cossie for prize giving. Entertainment for Saturday night, provided by the Cossie Club was Brett Wallace.
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Sunday had us out to have lunch in Kaiaua Bay, some fish and chips waiting to be enjoyed. David McAnulty led our group of 12 bikes, which included some visitors and of course us lady pillions. Mothers' day traffic was not too bad, so once the motorway was behind us, the scenic coastal roads were ours. Thanks to Les Duffield who volunteered as TEC, doing a great job. We met up with Jeni Van Driel and Rini Van Driel at the Bayview , where the raffle was drawn, Nick being the lucky winner.
Barbara Hampe
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Raffle Prizes and Tattle-Tales Wanted
“Sheriff wants unwanted gifts and wine for birthdays and worthy events in your LIVES “
And please email ‘SHERIFF, I HAVE A TALE’ to Pete.
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If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes.
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Who is This?
This is the same person as May newsletter taken a few years later so I will give you the answer next month.
Please send me your photos. You will enjoy digging through all those memories.
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Brent donates vouchers monthly for the Social evenings. Pop in to Spectrum and chat to Grant for bike services, bike sales and accessories.
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Become part of the Pro Rider Community
Visit your local motorcycle/scooter shop and ask about a Ride Forever voucher from Pro Rider, get one for a friend. Book via the Pro Rider website and have your say on our Facebook page!
The Pro Rider Riders Club is coming soon. Keep an eye on Facebook!
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There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friend, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make him laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Need that badge sewn on, then call in on Merine.
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Doctor to patient: "Your coughing seems to be easier this morning."
Patient: "It should be, I've been practicing all night."
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Rini is looking for members to join the fun team of the Run's Committee. The crew have diminished due to members moving out of town and with John taking an extensive overseas holidays, help is needed.
If you cannot commit fully but you would like to take a ride then don't hesitate to speak to someone on the committee. Any suggestions for destinations is always welcome. Phone: Rini 027 2790864
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Rider in Charge (RIC) would appreciate all participants of rides to be at the departure point 10 minutes early with a full tank of gas. If the weather looks suspect then please phone the RIC to see if the ride is postponed or cancelled.
The Rider in Charge will be organizing the day. Contact them for details. All riders participating in a Ulysses Ride are expected to hold a current motorcycle license, wear suitable clothing and to have a registered and warranted road-worthy bike.
The organizers and/or the Ulysses Club are not responsible for participants safety and all participants participate at their own risk.
All participants are aware that they are traveling on open public roads and are responsible for their own safety and compliance with all Rules and Laws.
Please check your runs list as some rides or destinations may have changed from initial calendar entry.
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Club Night Meeting and Social Evening
Held at North Shore Cosmopolitan Club,
65 Paul Mathews Drive, Albany
1st Thursday of the Month.
Meals available from 5.30pm and meeting starts at 7.30pm
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NORTH SHORE DINNER NIGHT MAD DOGS & ENGLISHMEN Link Drive Wairau Park
Every 3rd Wednesday of the month 2014 (6 pm onwards), Bar & kitchen open at 5.30 pm.
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Change of ride from last month as no RIC available.
Was Waiomu Beach Cafe
Meet at Papakura Service Centre at 10.00am
Decide on your own destination.
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June 4th. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club. Meals available from 5.30pm. Reservations Here
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Country Cruise to Matakana
Departs North Shore Cossie Club at 10.00am
RIC: David McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Home: 09 8109798
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Whangarei Basin Cafe Run
Departs Dairy Flat Service Centre at 10.00am
RIC: Paul Morrison
Mobile: 021 909350
Home: 09 4203247
*****************************
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June 17th. It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive. Reservations Here.
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Okataina Rally 19-21 June 2015.
Due to the imminent closure of Okataina Camp this will be the last ever Okataina Rally.
Click here for registration form.
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Railway Cafe, Helensville
Departs North Shore Cossie Club at 10.00am
RIC: Wayne Larsen
Mobile: 021 02828442
Home: 09 4768071
Short Ride
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July 2nd. It's the 1st Thursday of the month so don't forget it's the North Harbour Ulysses general meeting night at the North Shore Cosmopolitan Club. Meals available from 5.30pm. Reservations Here
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Karioitahi Beach
Departs Papakura Service Station at 10.00am
Lunch at the cafe and enjoy the views.
RIC: David McAnulty
Mobile: 021 1844100
Home: 09 8109798
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July
12th
Sunday
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North Harbour Ulysses
Mid-Winter BBQ
Held at the North Shore Cossie Club
1.00pm to 4.30pm
Entry Forms Attached.
$15.00 per person.
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July 15th. It's the 3rd Wednesday of the month so it's North Shore dinner night at Mad Dogs and Englishman, Link Drive. Reservations Here.
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Rhubarb Cafe, Arapuni
Departs Papakura Service Centre at 10.00am
RIC: Paul Morrison
Mobile: 021 909350
Home: 09 4203247
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July 26th
Smashed Pipi, Mangawhai
Departs Dairy Flat Service Centre at 10.00am
RIC: Nigel Scott
Mobile: 021 2447724
Home: 09 4283714
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Sawmill Cafe, Leigh
Departs Dairy Flat Service Centre at 10.00am
RIC: Peter Zaloum
Mobile: 021 1807840
Home: 09 4190725
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Midweek Wednesday Rides
Are you free to ride Midweek?
Why not join fellow Ulyssians on Wednesday's
Departs NS Cossie Club at 11.00am
Destination decided on the day.
These rides are proving very popular.
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Highlight your calendar with these upcoming rides or events.
Ulysses Remembrance Weekend
7th, 8th, 9th August
North Harbour Ulysses Ronnie Run supporting Ronald McDonald House
27th September
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How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Statistics recently released from The United Nations reveal that:
Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age, will, on average, have sex two to three times per week , whereas Japanese men, in the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year.
This is very upsetting news to many of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.
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We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat..
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. Sorry I took so long, I said, as we drove away. That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!
The silence in the cab was deafening ...
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Confucius did not say...
"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film."
"Don't eat the snow where the huskies go."
"Elevator smell different to midget."
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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies, "I don't know! It's your bloody plane."
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?"
For f***'s sake, if you ate a tin of baked beans, would you know which one makes you fart?"
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Members Free Ads
Space here for Members advert. Please include Your name and membership number.
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Paul #8047 & Niki Morrison #8052
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Paul Gallagher # 3266
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Clive Hawthorn #8617
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Dennis Linton
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A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and riding 40 miles.
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Any views or opinions presented in this newsletter are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the North Harbour Ulysses Branch Committee.
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Please add editor's email address to your contacts to avoid your newsletter ending up in spam.
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