Happy Spring / Summer everyone! As the sun (and heat) gets up higher and higher everyday, I hope your spirit would also get uplifted.
This week, I had several good conversations with friends, one of which is about expectation. While it was in the context of romantic pursuits, the larger point still applies that I want to share.
WHEN SOMEONE DOESN'T WANT YOUR BLANKET
Imagine you are going on a hike with someone you like, even attracted to. You bring a heavy blanket because you think it will be cold up there on the top of the mountain. It will be snuggly to share the blanket then.
After a long, tedious but satisfying journey, you reach the top, gasping from carrying the heavy stuff. You pull out the blanket and expectantly present it to your friend. For some reasons, he doesn't want to use it. Maybe it's too hot. Maybe he's afraid of bugs. Maybe he doesn't like the idea of using **that specific blanket** Maybe ...
How might you feel then? Disappointed? Pissed off? Ashamed? Meh?
I hope he appreciates you for the intention of carrying the blanket, but more importantly, will you put the blanket to the side or use it for something else? Will you just forget about it and enjoy being with the other person?
Take a moment to imagine yourself in that situation and think of the answers.
Now replace the blanket with an expectation. Maybe it's the label that the two of you are now "official". Maybe it's something else quite intimate...
Ask the same questions, see if your answers have changed. If so, what's the difference this time?
Sometimes we carry around expectation like those blanket. It's in our head, and it's just as heavy (you can tell by how painful you feel when reality hits 😕). Worse, it maybe really hot at the top, but since you have carried the blanket all this while, you insist on putting it on everything and end up feeling uncomfortable, stiffled, even resentful.
It doesn't mean you should not bring the blanket. It's AMAZING if the blanket can be used for snuggling, but if that doesn't happen, would you really want to hold onto to it and forget to have a good time? I hope not.
I hope you can let it go when it's no longer useful, and then enjoy. It's easier said than done, but sometimes even saying it is not that easy.
Everyone has expectation. Most people who say they don't are either too unaware or too shy to admit them. It's safe to not expect and thus not be disappointed, isn't it? If happiness is to do more and expect less, then I'm doomed to be unhappy.
And that's ok.
I have a fair bit of expectation for important matters. I don't mind and even enjoy that risky feeling of disappointment. The risk makes it real and alive.
There have been some painful episodes, but as a whole, it's worth it. The worst thing is to not feel anything at all. Please don't go that way. Please choose pain over numbness.
p/s: If you are feeling bloated by life, I’d like to help. Let's chat!
Sharing is sprouting.
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Plz put me in a nice box
People have been asking me what I do, and I'm really bad at bragging on my CV, so I decided to take a honest, nearly naked look at myself for examples of some roles I've been playing. Plz help me pick the top 3 or comment with a new box to put myself in so I can better brag next time! IF YOU FEEL COMPELLED, come up with a box that describe our relationship.
Conversational Partner for Impact-driven Superhuman doing Work Too Important to have Any Time Left to really Talk With Themselves.
Life Coach for Shy & Sensitive Nerds with Quiet & Beautiful Dream of A Fulfilled Life.
Career Fuelist for High Performing Professionals Who Want Their Career To Go Even Faster (and then may Crash & Burn more Epicly and transform into a Certified Yoga Teacher or Self-help Author )
Serendipituously Close Advisor for Exuberant Entrepreneurs who occasionally Freak Out about Being a CEO and wonder if there is anything More to Life than Startups.
Self-absorbed Annoying Provocateur for Unbelievably Self-less Change The World Agents.
Genuinely Fake Guru For Spiritually Inclined Seekers Who Always Miss Their 1000% Authentic Selves by Half A Second.
Outsider Soother for American Elite-Educated Twenty-somethings who are So Sorry, Angry and Guilty On Behalf Of Everything Their Country Has Done That They Can't Think About Literally Anything Else (plz don't flame me on this...)
Meaning Fabricator for Wandering Souls Who Can't Stop Pondering On The Meaninglessness Of Everything They Do.
Trickster Guide for Self-Aware People Who Sense the Looming Need To Exorcise Their Inner Daemons.
[WHAT I REALLY HOPE TO BECOME]
That Cat for Strangely Unique Person who wants to ask a cat to become her life coach.
(this is not really a flirt....)