‘Why didn’t you mention Divots on the dancefloor?’
‘You can’t not mention action man’
'Why aren't there any more pictures of Tom Vickery's Girlfriend?'
'How did Ash Ireland get away with luring ladies into the shadows?'
All are valid points, and Ash Irelands funnel web spider routine has not been forgotten, but we need to include some incentive to attend Blacks Ball. If we recounted everything that happened in this reputable newsletter, it would probably end up as unsightly as Tom Chalk with his top off, and no one wants to be subjected to that abomination.
Girl in black showing as much interest in chalky as Lachie Henderson is with Carlton
So next year, turn up to Blacks Ball if you want to see everyone do their best Ben Warren impersonation for 5 hours. Except for Tom Seagrim, who decided Shannon Noll was more his style; serenading 'what about me' into a red tin mic at the end of the night when he realised he was going home alone.
Surprisingly, Seags has a voice as smooth as a Nick Langridge head rub
It’s finals time around the club now, with the C-men, Brady Bunch and Scum all taking their first step towards September glory. With more finals prospects to be solidified in the coming weeks, there is certainly an air of anticipation around the club, much like awaiting a scoreboard impact from Elliot Hewish after playing FF all season. Maybe he'll score this week, maybe next week - probably neither, but no one can really be sure.
Brady Bunch coach Callum Reid has taken the finals approach very seriously- even taking the time out of his busy life (read: sorting his cabbage patch kids into ranks of seniority) to turn up to training this week. Onya Cal.
Rumour has it that Simon Ritchie has recruited a male physio to take over the C-grade for finals, reducing game-day distractions exponentially. Ash Ireland immediately pulled a desperate Dan Trezise into a deep meditation session to 'will' the coveted female trainer back into her old role. Simultaneously Tom Milton hasleft the C-Men citing an absence of motivation.
If you have time this weekend get out to watch the A grade out at Sacred Heart playing in what is their version of an elimination final to avoid relegation.
BOB WITH YOU!
Saturday August 29 – Family Day at Uni Oval
Saturday August 29 - SUPER BOWLIES at the Long Room from 6pm
$25 will get you a drink card and a meal voucher from the Yiros Stand
The A-grade will be getting mad Monday underway, so you're a big chance to see a few JT Goose nominations.
The Girl Guides will be playing their first ever final starting at 7pm, so get around them.
Normal bar facilities will still be available.
Sunday August 30 - SUPER SUNDAY!
$20 to enter upstairs at the Havey
Teams name their best and fairest. Last one standing.
No further explanation required.
Monday August 31 - Liver detox kits available for sale.
(or you could just harden up)
Round 19 Fixture
Make sure you get out and support - some crucial games!
No excuses given that we are playing at all corners of greater Adelaide tomorrow.
Saturday 22nd August
Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Sacred Fart @ Mitchell Car Park (Mitchell Park Oval) 2.15pm
Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) v Sacred Fart @ Mitchell Car Park (Mitchell Park Oval) 12.15pm
Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Hout & About @ Far Away Field (Houghton Memorial Oval) 2.15pm
Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch (Div 7R) v St Paul @ The Cathedral (St Paul’s College) 11.45 am
The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Port Red Light District @ Largs Loony Bin (Largs Reserve) 10.15am
The B*stards (C2) v Pem Broke Down @ Don Haslam Oval (Haslam Oval) 2.15pm
The Scum (C3) v Fos Williams @ Fos’ Farm (Camden Oval) 12.15pm
Sunday 23rd August
Bob Neil’s Girl Guides v Western Suburbs Hawks @ Bob Neil #2 2pm
Masters Round 12 (of 14) – Uni Greys vs Hills @ HOME at 12noon
All welcome to play as usual for our final home game (+ BBQ) of the season, contact Wolverine or Weslington for further details. Looking to get a few more than our 7 vs 7 game @ Murray Bridge last round, although it was a lot of run fun!
An uncanny resemblance here. Smelts is always that bloke who is waiting for a mate - but a mate of the tinder realm.
Erin "George" Hennessy definitely channels the cheerful spirit of the great Sharon Strezlecki.
Below is South Australia’s scientist of the year – and no that’s not Mike “Jamesy” James. But on the topic of Jamesy - Ever had beer with Jamesy - he provides his “expert” opinion. Rumor has it that Jamesy was second in line for Dennis Cometti’s special comments job. The reason he didn’t make the cut was because his inability to make special comments. Love your nevertheless Jamesy!
When you book with Thesinger & Turner Travel Associates, a percentage of your holiday will go back to The Adelaide University Football Club to go towards prizes, competitions, club member awards and fundraising initiatives.
22/8 Bowlies - feat PUP HEATH
Put a chardonnay socialist in a room - two things will come into fruition.
1 - Outrageous Banter
2 - Outrageous antics (have you seen Benny Russ on the loose?)
Get back to yours truly for a 7pm kick off.
Round 18 Results
Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 8.4.52 defeated by Goodwood Sinners 9.10.64
Goal Kickers: J. Willis 2, A. Alesci , N. Langridge , N. Beneke , E. Dadds , B. Smelt , D. Bateman
Best Players: , N. Langridge , D. Cunningham , J. Grieger , K. Flanigan , E. Dadds , H. Wellington
Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 8.9.57 defeated by Goodwood Sinners 13.7.85
Goal Kickers: R. Anderson 2, M. Quin 2, A. Offe , E. Hewish , J. Johnston , J. Connell
Best Players: , C. Slape , S. Pittman , J. Connell , M. Quin , K. Green , A. Offe
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp & the C-Men) BYE
Div 7Reserves (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) BYE
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 9.11.65 defeated The Raggies 1.4.10
Goal Kickers: B. Meier 3, D. Jean 2, Z. Hambour , C. Lane , B. Hopkins , J. Richards
Best Players: , C. Rohde , M. Heath , R. Doecke , C. Schiller , L. Rogers
Div C3 (The Scum) BYE
Open Women’s Div 2 (Bob Neil’s Girl Guides) 16.7.103 defeated Western Suburbs Hawks 1.1.7
Goal Kickers: F. Clancey 9, T. Lee 3, E. Sheridan 2, S. Ford 2
Best Players: , C. Tucker , L. Kenyon , T. Nguyen , N. Burns , T. Lee , S. Blight
Match Report of the Week #1
Div C2 (The B*stards) 3.4.22 defeated by Tarnished Spooners 8.7.55
Goal Kickers: A. Buckby , H. Woods , T. Seagrim
Best Players: , B. Hill , A. Bate , H. Ball , T. Chalk , M. Jamieson , M. MacIntyre
B@stards take “ironic” approach to SAAFL’s inaugural LGBTI round
The widely under-publicized gay pride round of this year’s belter SAAFL season has been labeled a wild success by team geriatric, Alex “PC Police” Mann, after Uni’s unusual approach to spreading awareness.
Responding to the League’s call to “stop bagging out the gays”, interim coach, Johannes “Hate-Crime” Van Reesema called for the fellas to summon their inner gay-basher for Saturday’s Round 17 clash against PAOC at Park 9.
“Let’s smash those f@ggots”, Van Reesema could be heard screaming, spittle gathering in the corners of his mouth.
Many of the team’s freshly post-pubescent players were seen to titter nervously at the suggestion they might finally be getting some skin-to-skin contact, even if it was in the middle of a game of footy.
“It is LGBTI round, after all,” said Seagrim, who, hoping to dispel the anti-intimacy aura that had seemed to nag him ever since he was snapped at the Blacks Ball inexplicably wearing an “I love F@nny” t-shirt, had trimmed his hair just for the occasion. A wise man once asked, “Why do Italian men wear gold chains?” The answer of course, is so they know when to stop shaving. It’s a proverb Tom “Papa Giusseppe” Seagrim could have kept in mind when visiting the hairdressers this week as he rocked up to the game with a haircut that started around the ears and seems to have extended over the shoulders only to end somewhere near the upper buttock.
After Van Reesema’s earlier call to get up close and personal, it was no surprise the B@stards came out full of vigour.Brad “#1 in tackles” Hill took the call to heart, aggressively hugging as many opposition footballers as he could from the first bounce. Henry “more-nuts-and-bolts-than-a-hardware-store” Ball was an influential presence across the day despite an early scare after he defied modern medicine by menstruating heavily from his left eye-socket. What could only be described as a sanitary pad was attached to his forehead for the remainder of the contest. Not known for letting teammates down, fellow B@stards Mugford, Arnie, and JMO dutifully sympathy-injured themselves in a bold gesture of stirring team solidarity. Miller-Owen probably taking the idea a little too far and ending up in hospital. (JMO – haven’t head anything about you since you left the ground. Are you still alive??)
Alex “Master” Bate added more points to his B&F tally after another trademark concentrated individual performance. “I do my best work solo”, quipped a candid Master to a blushing B@stards side, generally uncomfortable with expressions of male sexuality.
While many of the players forgot that this week, they were to take an ironic approach to LGBTI issues, Sam “Newman” Arnfield was not so easily distracted. In a groin-stirring three quarter time address, Arnfield channeled his inner Footy Show host, declaring both the home and away sides “private school P00fters” that had something to prove. It was a confusing time for those in the club trying to keep track of the B@stards approach to this important social issue. Were we angry at the other club because, as Van Reesema had alluded to earlier, they were gay? Or were we angry at ourselves for being gay, and that the only way to overcome this horrid bout of ‘the gayness’ was to smash other gays? An introspective PC Police Inspector Mann pondered this from the pine.
Faraaz “Best BOG not to get BOG” Jamal went about winning every tap, while most of his teammates ensured PAOC were able to stick to their gameplan of clearing the ball quickly out of defence and adding to their score. In the end, just a handful of those forays were enough to seal the deal for the PACmen, as the final score read more like a game of Netty than Footy. PAOC proved maybe there’s something in this whole “training” caper after all, eking out a 25 point victory over the conflicted B@stards side.
“Take Dolce and Gabbana for example...” began a persistent Johannes ‘Eric Abetz’ Van Reesema, as the B@stards retired to the change rooms in search of wet towels and wet buttocks.
Fritch Mancis does Kuala Lumpur
The infamous Fritch Mancis – well known for his exploits with the opposite sex and the fact he is one accident away from being a super villain – is off to conquer Kuala Lumpur. The Australian embassy has issued a predator warning to local authorities. We wish Fritch all the best with the scholarship mate – sky’s the limit.
Nathan Hallion’s Shoulder – You will get more consistency out off Anthony Butler's soup diet.
Flick of the Week
She's out of my League
Birthday boy Sam Penniment was exposed as a serial creepy kisser yesterday as posts flooded his facebook wall of him in an array of compromising positions. Two things we learnt from this fiasco:
1) Sammy has hooked up with more girls than Jimmy Mader has years of age (I've done Calculations, its around 1,935).
2) His kissing technique involves never breaking eye contact, making sure even the briefest of moments aren't lost to a blink.
Uploaded was a picture (slightly edited below) of what seems to be Sammy enjoying the fruits of a Pembroke football captaincy - That my friends is how a 10 goes for a 5, just add the words 'football captain'.
Fancy a vino? - 3 mixed dozens for Blackers - thanks to our mates Angoves
Our friends at Angoves Family Winemakers have put together 3 fantastic mixed dozens for the Blacks. See the attached form for details, really encourage you to get involved in this as $20 from every cash sold goes straight back to the Blacks.
Balaklava Cup with Daryl Braithwaite - DISCOUNTED TICKETS FOR BLACKERS
Are you on the lookout for a new Home Loan or possible Refinancing?
Or just want to have a no obligation chat to someone about your existing loan setup?
Then look no further than James Storer from Bank SA. They have put together a great deal for community clubs, including the AUFC, whereby 0.4% of the initial loan balance goes directly to the club.
James is a Premium Lending Manager in the North Adelaide branch who also happens to be the grandson an ex Captain of the Blacks (Robert Elix).
The Chards are raising money for their spiritual leader and club legend Darien ‘Dirty’ O’Reilly who is going through a bit of rough patch at the moment. Please help support us by grabbing one of these Entertainment Books and $13 will go towards fundraising. Not only do you support a good cause but you also get some awesome discount’s at some of Adelaide better pubs and restaurants like ‘The Hackney’, ‘The Wright St Hotel’, ‘The Goody’, ‘The Wellington’, ‘The Austral’, ‘The Kentish’ and our home ground ‘The Havelock’. So get behind us and grab yourself a book or digital membership now.
Take advantage of free postage to ANYWHERE IN AUSTRALIA
For a limited time only we are offering
FREE POSTAGE to your door!
The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.