No, the above words aren’t adjectives for E Hewish’s homemade soft p0rn movie, they’re instead used to reflect on an impeccable weekend where the AUFC notched an impressive 8 wins from 8 games.
To celebrate, some of the Blacks lads hit the town, opting to ply their trade at the most reputable of local establishments, GoGo Ladyboys.
While he was close to B.O.G for the C Grade, Max ‘Are my keys in your underwear?’ Jamieson took his performance up a notch at the nightclub. Without going into too much detail of his exploits, we’ll just say that never again do we want to hear the phrase “how many fingers am I holding up” whispered into the ear of another dancefloor dame again.
Club secretary Screecher is also looking forward to a productive weekend, capped off by the seeing the once mighty Liverpool Football Club take on the never mighty Adelaide United ‘football’ club. Screech will of course be rocking his Bob Neil attire to the game on behalf of AUFC.
You’ll have to ask him why he has his weight printed on the back of his shirt, because we can’t work it out for the life of us.
We’d also like to take this opportunity to extend our congratulations to C grade runner and all round tight-arse Pablo Pascoe on the positive results he received from his paternity test over the weekend. We always knew there was something weird about the way he and Caleb Desmet looked at each other, and we’re glad to confirm that there is nothing ‘Catholic Priest’ about their relationship- they’re just a happy father and son being reunited at last. Don’t expect any inheritance though Desmet, you’re still considered the B@stard of Winterfell to Mrs Pascoe.
This weekend the A and B graders head down to Henley to make amends for earlier in the year when they finished the game with 11 fit players and a goat on the field.
The Low graders are at Park 10 and Uni Oval throughout the day, and the B@stards are having their annual Family/Friends/Pets day at Park 10 @ 12:15- so head along for a snag and a brew.
May Bob Be With You.
Blacks Ball - August 8th
Tickets selling fast, numbers are limited - get in ASAP before you miss out!
The Prohibition Blacks Ball
Due to past concerns, this year’s event will be completely dry*, but come along for some good sober times.
*except for the beer, cider, wine and $5 cocktails we will be serving on the down low, don’t tell the Feds!
Click attending on the Facebook event to receive all the updates regarding this event.
WHERE: The Dom Polski Centre, 230 Angas St, Adelaide
WHEN: Saturday August 8th, from 7pm
DRESS: Swinging 20's, Boardwalk Empire, The Great Gatsby
Or Physical Tickets available from your nearest AUFC player.
The usual obligation applies - invite every girl on your friends list, even the one you haven't spoken to since the morning after last Blacks Ball.
Round 14 Fixture
Saturday 18th July
Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Henley On Drugs @ Opium Oval (Henley Memorial Oval) 2.15pm
Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) Henley On Drugs @ Opium Oval (Henley Memorial Oval) 12.15pm
Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v St Paul @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm
Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch (Div 7R) v St Paul @ Bob Neil #1 12.15pm
The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Sacred Fart @ Stink Stadium (Sacred Heart Middle School) 2.15pm
The B*stards (C2) v Smallsbury @ Bob Neil #2 12.15pm
The Scum (C3) v Queen Elizabeth @ Bob Neil #2 2.15pm
Bob Neil’s Girl Guides BYE
Young Bridgwood Sings his lungs out
This image stroke the heart of many of the blackers faithful.
“The Force is strong with that young one…”
"Tremendous. I’ll takea L please. Long sleeve if possible. And a framed print copy.''
"Nothing short of a prodigy. The lad's somehow captured phonetically the exact way it's sung post-Bowlies. It's an instant club relic and must be framed immediately. Beilbs, I'll take an XL in the t-shirt.''
''This is brilliant.
T. Bridgwood – 2025 A grade Captain. Rohdey – what are you teaching young Tom at school!''
Kernas did not know that you were in a Sunday band - on the other hand... its great to see an icon British music donning the Ra Ra McGrath old school lace up.
We know they really don't look similar, but they do have something in common. Appalling use of the glove. Jimmy Mader certainly made a mess of this one, slipping the glove on before running onto the field last Saturday and copping so much flack for it he took it off before the match even started! It's like he tries make us stitch him up.
Extended - Pablo “The mercenary” Pascoe and his Lovechild Caleb
Just a short introduction on the “Mercenary” – the man is famous for being able to hear a $100 dollar note hit the floor. Playing for over 18 clubs in the SAAFL in his days for coin only. He is the only player ever to play for Salisbury North, South East and West. And is a valuable resource when we play such teams because he is part of the brotherhood. Anyways to make the point, his Lovechild has been getting votes in games where he maybe did not deserve it, and the above photo is a testament to the conspiracy theories being thrown around.
Long Lunch Locked in, Friday August 7 at Uni Boat Club
Snapshot of Details as follows:
Date: Friday August 7, 12 for 12:30 start
Venue: Adelaide Uni Boat Club, followed by the Long Room
Guest Speakers: Brenton Phillips & Tim Harcourt
Guest MC: Clint Rule & Tom Martin
Booking form out next week but you may reserve your spot now by calling Rulebook or emailing firstname.lastname@example.org. Numbers are limited to 130, naturally. Will be another cracking afternoon.
Save the Dates
Note some new dates in this for those of you hanging out for the Long Lunch and interstate reunion shows. All events at Bob Neil # 1 unless otherwise indicated.
11 July- Premiership Reunion & Past Players Day (Steve McKee and Rulebook have decided to start the day with lunch at the Strathmore Hotel, Café One2Nine at 12 midday, and then walk down the hill to join the throng at the Oval)
26 July - Sydney Reunion (Royal Exhibition Hotel) 1 August - Sponsors Day 7 August (Friday) - Long Friday Lunch (LOCKED IN) 8 August - Blacks Ball 29 August- Family Day 16 October- Annual Dinner (Wine Center)
There are some HUGE premiership reunions to celebrate this year on Saturday the 11th of July, notably:
60 years for the 1955 A1 team
50 years for the 1965 A1, A3 and Colts Team (the only year we ever had Colts)
40 years for the 1974/75 A1 teams (also having a separate show, contact Barty for details if you haven't already heard)
25 years for the A8 team (Tonto & the Well Hung Posse), A8R team (Top Scum) and freshly remembered the A11 team.
15 years for the 2000 Chards and FGA
10 years for the 2005 B*stards.
That is a lot for us to follow up, especially with the Book a little busier than normal courtesy of the Future Premier, so if any of you played in those teams please start spreading the word
The bladerunner jets off to Europe
Son of the legendary blackers photographer Oscar “The Bladerunner” Leonard is about to embark on a life changing journey tasting many local cuisines around Europe. He will also been running into infamous Blacker Nick “Avon 48 hour protection” Landgridge. Oscar’s trip will be a lot like Joe “Root” in the ashes, dropped on 0 but then will end up making 134 runs…..
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Round 13 Results
Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 13.16.94 defeated Flagon of Portland 6.1.37
Goal Kickers: C. Black 3, J. Willis 3, N. Beneke 3, D. Cunningham 2, T. Bateman 1, W. Evans 1
Best Players: N. Beneke, D. Cunningham, J. Noonan, S. Paynter, C. Black, E. Dadds
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp & the C-Men) 14.9.93 defeated Angle Fail 11.10.76
Goal Kickers: C. Reid 6, A. Ireland 2, M. Fitzgerald 2, W. Legrand 2, M. Leslie 1, B. Larsen-Smith 1
Best Players: C. Reid, T. Nihill, A. Ireland, C. Desmet, D. Gardner, S. Ritchie
Div 7Reserves (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 12.7.79 defeated Angle Fail 2.4.16
Goal Kickers: C. McMichael 3, E. Bobyn 2, J. Greeneklee 2, M. Yates 2, J. Harrison 1, M. Makin 1, J. Vidanage 1
Best Players: C. McMichael, T. Nguyen, D. Conier, C. Baker, W. Lam, W. Abrey
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 7.6.48 defeated Ross & Trevor 5.4.34
Goal Kickers: D. Blyth 4, M. Heath 1, N. Hallion 1, A. Vallelonga 1
Best Players: C. Rohde, D. Blyth, B. Hopkins, C. Schiller, N. Hallion
Div C2 (The B*stards) 9.8.62 defeated Gepps Double Cross 3.2.20
Goal Kickers: A. Di Silvio 2, S. Arnfield 2, J. Van Reesema 1, F. Jamal 1, N. Tran 1, D. Collett 1,
J. Vidanage 1
Best Players: N. Tran, F. Jamal, D. Gallagher, B. Hill, W. Petrovsky, A. Di Silvio
Div C3 (The Scum) 9.10.64 defeated Hitler Youth 1.2.8
Goal Kickers: A. Miatke 3, A. Howard 2, N. Lawrence 1, P. Malinauskas 1, A. Westbrook 1, T. Dean 1
Best Players: S. Lewis, A. Beneke, M. Draca, J. Maxwell, A. Howard, A. Miatke
Open Women’s Div 2 (Bob Neil’s Girl Guides) BYE
Match Report of the Week
Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 26.12.168 defeated Flagon of Portland 3.1.19 Goal Kickers: E. Hewish 5, P. Dolan 4, J. Tronnolone 3, A. Offe 3, J. Fladrich 3, R. Anderson 2, J. Connell 1, J. Dearing 1, B. Simpson 1, J. Watson 1, T. Muecke 1, D. Robinson 1 Best Players: A. Offe, M. Swift, P. Dolan, T. Muecke, K. Green, E. Hewish
With severe temperature extremes accompanying the Antarctic vortex across the south east of our big brown land, beautiful BN#1 sweltered in 11 deg C as Tasmanians chuckled about what all the fuss was about on the mainland. Given the fair deluge that rained down Friday night, the Oval was in very good nick compared to years past… the home team’s bench strategically located adjacent the only real puddle on the pitch.
Chardonnay favourite Large Cox thankfully agreed to double up for the umpteenth time this year after the standard A grade 11th hour withdrawal, as we congratulate Harry the Merl and Penniment Lodge for making their A grade debuts and wish them all the best in the club’s top tier. On a tough day for attractive clean flowing footer, the Smugglers set about dismantling the Flagon to up the percentage against the competition’s only real strugglers.
A Slape & Sons smash forward at the first bounce, Kermit Green clearance and Dolan Work Don’t Mix roving snag in the first minute set the scene for a workman like day at the office. Never really challenged, the only real blemishes in an otherwise flawless display of ruthless efficiency was the ability of Portland to penetrate our zone at kick-ins, and our inability to stick a few defensive tackles in the first half. Our back 6 continued a healthy theme of miserly 2nd halves conceding the solitary point, as we peppered the sticks up forward.
Not seen for a couple of months, we saw encouraging signs from Dayne Beams Tronnolone and Greg Anderson on their respective comeback trails as we gear up towards the business end of the season. Props also to Les Bian and Slape & Sons for doubling up to get the C-Men over the line at Park 10. Dolan slotted 4 snags for the 3rd game in a row, while Tom Waterhouse responded well to his demotion with his best game for the year, a class above most others in the slippery conditions. But the winner of the Super Bowlies jugs, with a polished display off both sides of the body in D Jarman-esque fashion went to Tim May Offe.
Big props once again to the Showgirls who strung 2 in a row for a trifecta at BN#1 and 7 out of 7 in the north parklands for our great club, to put a win and valuable %age between themselves and the relegation zone. Next stop, Henley at Shark Park, looking to square the ledger on the season after being taught a lesson in Round 4.
For all other Match Reports visit the Bob Neil Website:
Now fashion is not usually on the top of the blackers list when preparing for a game. Although Jimmy “The m!lf hunter” Calder sports spray on jeans and always has a tremendous kit, other worthy mentions are Hamish Crouch and look good, feel good, play good Elloit Hewish (yes elloit you kicked 5 on the weekend mate). To the point at hand, Dainel “The seagull” Polkinghorne copped a lot of heat for his knee high gum boots to a blackers game. It is a known fact that his wife, lays out his clothes to wear on weekends. However, some do report the boots where key to his coaching performance on the day, bringing in a different dimension of knowledge which one the blackers the game.
Pics from The Chardonnay Socialists Soup Day
A/B Grade Guernsey Numbers
The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.
Harrison 'Path' Gloyne has been out with a hamstring for a couple of weeks now. Know for his 'psychopathic' attack on the ball and his general hardened nature. We may need to lock him up on game day if he doesn't come back from injury soon!