VOLUME 13, 10 JULY 2015
Welcome to another edition of the Substandard. Normally now, we’d include some jibe about how- despite not winning many games on the weekend, we’re still the best football club in the world.

Only problem is that this week, we only had two teams playing (The Girl Guides and Scum). BUT both those teams won… giving us a losing percentage of 25%.
F#ck we’re good.

This week, we play all 7 games on Saturday at home, meaning all of the AUFC outfits will be playing closer together than Nick Beneke’s thighs. You can stay out at La Sing until 6am, walk straight to BN#1/#2, have a three hour siesta, and wake up ready to watch footy for 7 hours straight. But enough about Sam Pittman’s life.

Normally we leave the look-a-likes until the end of the Substandard… but this time we’ll make an exception. Substandard Fuhrer, Ashley Ireland, prides himself on his diet of sunshine, quinoa and tree bark. Friends and teammates at the Blacks have become increasingly worried about his ever diminishing figure. Ash pertains that he doesn’t need to eat or drink to perform at optimum levels, but those who saw him operate during the competitive drills on Park 10 last night would beg to differ.



His legs look like chopsticks, his arms look like dental floss, and his beard looks like Amanda Vanstone’s snail trail. To decide whether Ashley’s claim has merit, we did some digging to find famously successful vegans through time. Let’s have a look at what came up.
 
List of vegans you haven’t wanted to injure
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There it is. Conclusive evidence. Enjoy your coconut water this afternoon Ash.
Get around the club this weekend. The Chards are holding their Suit and Soup day at BN#1, before the A’s and B’s play Portland in a must win encounter.

May Bob Be With You.
 

RIP Philip Walsh - Reflection by AUFC President

Inspiring words from AUFC President Michael Dadds.

For me there were two particularly notable observations arising from this awfulness: 

1. 
First there was shock as you note. And then almost immediately the reality that life inexorably goes on. I’d been feeding my dog soup bones. I knew there would be trouble. Sure enough within minutes of receiving the Walsh news I was mopping the laundry floor. Then I was getting breakfast for the little ones. And so on;

2. W
e human beings crave connection. Meditators find it internally. Most humans look outwards. Football is a particularly popular medium. But Phil Walsh’s death transcended the Crows, SA, football, sport. For a little while it brought a fairly large slice of humanity together. It felt lovely to be part of that.
 

 

Blacks Ball - August 8th


The Prohibition Blacks Ball
Due to past concerns, this year’s event will be completely dry*, but come along for some good sober times.

*except for the beer, cider, wine and $5 cocktails we will be serving on the down low, don’t tell the Feds!
Click attending on the Facebook event to receive all the updates regarding this event.

WHERE: The Dom Polski Centre, 230 Angas St, Adelaide
WHEN: Saturday August 8th, from 7pm
DRESS: Swinging 20's, Boardwalk Empire, The Great Gatsby


Online Purchase Available Here:

http://www.theblacks.com.au/Store/Product.aspx?PID=6862

Or Physical Tickets available from your nearest AUFC player.


The usual obligation applies - invite every girl on your friends list, even the one you haven't spoken to since the morning after last Blacks Ball.
 
 
Round 13 Fixture

Saturday 11th July

Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Flagon of Portland @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm

Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) Flagon of Portland @ Bob Neil #1

Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v 90 Degree Angles @ Bob Neil #2 (Park 10) 2.15pm

Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch (Div 7R) v 90 Degree Angles @ Bob Neil #2 (Park 10) 12.15pm

The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Ross & Trevor @ Bob Neil #1 10.15am

The B*stards (C2) v Gepps Double Cross @ Bob Neil #2 (Park 10) 10.15am
 
The Scum (C3) v Hitler Youth @ The Bunker (Park 9) 10.15am

Uni Greys vs South @ PHOS/Camden, Cnr Anzac Highway & Morphett Rd, Novar Gardens – Sunday July 12th @ 2:30pm
 
Bob Neil’s Girl Guides BYE
 

Girl Guides playing Greys....


Uni is again at the cutting edge of crispy initiative by effectively playing Bob Neil’s first mixed team in the Greys this week!
 
Looking at the fixtures for Girls and Greys, the Girls can play in a few more Greys games this season as well if they like.
 

Blacks Look-A-LIKES


Tom "Chalk is Cheap" Chalk a menace on and off the field - best known for his impressionable small talk and "do now consequences later" approach on life. That's why we love your work champ.


 

An oldie but a goldie. Some say Milton is a sophisticated s@x-robot sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady. Others simply call him The Sherminator, but one thing is clear: all ladies at The Havey on Saturday night had better prepare for Shermination.




Sam 'Syndrome' Penniment might be new to the club but that's no excuse to go out and try and kill Mr Incredible with a massive robot. Shame on you Sam.




Please send through to football@theblacks.com.au

Super bowlies this saturday

 
Past players day
 
Paulsy Lewis's 200th, if you've never seen a JT Goose nomination in person, here's your chance
 
Upstairs at the havelock, 7pm
 
2 for 1 specials all night
 
Hang around and watch the cricket 

Premiership Reunions this Saturday


Not only is it a crucial day for the Blacks as the A grade take on Flagon of Port-Land, and not only is it Chardonnay Suit n Soup Day, but it is also Premiership Reunion/Past Players Day at beautiful Bob Neil # 1.

The full list of premiership reunions is below, but for those who played in our only ever Colts team in 1965, your skipper Steve Mckee has a call to arms. You’re due to meet at the Strathmore Hotel, Café One2Nine at midday and will then walk down to Uni oval from there.
 
Reunions are:
60 years for the 1955 A1 team (separate show will also be organised)
50 years for the 1965 A1, A3 and Colts Team
40 years for the 1974/75 A1 teams (also having a separate show, contact Barty for details if you haven't already heard, August 8 is the date)
25 years for the A8 team (Tonto & the Well Hung Posse), A8R team (Top Scum) and the A11 team (or A double 1).
15 years for the 2000 Chards and FGA
10 years for the 2005 B*stards.
 
The forecast isn’t great but we will have marquees up where possible and obviously the Long Room will be toasty warm with red wine flowing.

Best Wishes from Arfa Daly, member of the Chardonnay & Well Hung Posse premiership teams……

It's with great regret that I will have to give my apologies at not being able to make it to the reunions this weekend. It is a surprising and scary fact that the last  15 years since I captained the Chards to the 2000 flag seem like only yesterday. Happily I managed to win another here in London in 2011 aged only 42. (Jethro would be proud). The other even scarier reunion is that of the 1990 Well Hung Posse ( so named after star back pocket Greg "the monster" Cock and boon follower Nick (actually)"Hung like a rhino" Schofield).  Attached is a particularly poignant photo taken after the 2000 flag in the Havvy of the five, dare I say, legends of the club (and me) who played our coached in both grandfinals. Although if memory serves me right, Lamby twanged a hammy in the prelim on his 150th game and missed the Gf. Also T Shirt Timmy Bryson came via the Royal Adelaide after standing in the way of a flying headbutt from one our opponents knocking him out cold and causing the resultant black eye. 


The other picture was taken at the ground after getting the cup and I'm getting a bit if a lift from Howie. Lucky I'm skinny cos his back has never been that good! 


Anyway, I thought the guys might like these old pics as they are two of my favourites and are always with me. Say G'day to the old Chards and Posse for me and gave a great day -and night!


Arfa Daly 

 

Long Lunch Locked in, Friday August 7 at Uni Boat Club
 

Snapshot of Details as follows:
  • Date: Friday August 7, 12 for 12:30 start
  • Venue: Adelaide Uni Boat Club, followed by the Long Room
  • Guest Speakers: Brenton Phillips & Tim Harcourt
  • Guest MC: Clint Rule & Tom Martin
Booking form out next week but you may reserve your spot now by calling Rulebook or emailing sam.bridgwood@macquarie.com. Numbers are limited to 130, naturally. Will be another cracking afternoon. 

Save the Dates 


Note some new dates in this for those of you hanging out for the Long Lunch and interstate reunion shows. All events at Bob Neil # 1 unless otherwise indicated.

11 July - Premiership Reunion & Past Players Day 
(Steve McKee and Rulebook have decided to start the day with lunch at the Strathmore Hotel, Café One2Nine at 12 midday, and then walk down the hill to join the throng at the Oval)

26 July - Sydney Reunion (Royal Exhibition Hotel)
1 August - Sponsors Day
7 August (Friday) - Long Friday Lunch (LOCKED IN) 
8 August - Blacks Ball 
29 August - Family Day
16 October - Annual Dinner (Wine Center)

There are some HUGE premiership reunions to celebrate this year on Saturday the 11th of July, notably:
60 years for the 1955 A1 team
50 years for the 1965 A1, A3 and Colts Team (the only year we ever had Colts)
40 years for the 1974/75 A1 teams (also having a separate show, contact Barty for details if you haven't already heard)
25 years for the A8 team (Tonto & the Well Hung Posse), A8R team (Top Scum) and freshly remembered the A11 team.
15 years for the 2000 Chards and FGA
10 years for the 2005 B*stards.

That is a lot for us to follow up, especially with the Book a little busier than normal courtesy of the Future Premier, so if any of you played in those teams please start spreading the word 
 

Blacker gets hitched on Bob Neil Hill

It is every man's dream - other than being christened in West End - to take the bride to a place of utter romance, the great Bob Neil hill. Blacker Joe Hill (no pun intended) thought he would remember his great moments on the hill - be it 6 west ends deep and talking absolute mud during a ripper game - and at the same time create a new  just-as-beautiful moment with the new bride. On ya Joe.



 

Round 12 Results


Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) BYE
 
 
Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) BYE
 
 
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp & the C-Men) 14.18.92 defeated Salisbury NSE&W 10.10.70
Goal Kickers: P. Dolan 4, B. Hopkins 3, S. Gray 2, T. Milton 2, P. Wittwer , C. Reid , M. Fitzgerald
Best Players: P. Dolan , S. Parker , T. Milton , J. Cmrlec , D. Gardner , C. Reid



Div 7Reserves (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 6.7.43 defeated by North Pines for a Win 28.6.174
Goal Kickers: P. Arnfield 2, R. Laidlaw 2, E. Bobyn , N. Tran 
Best Players: P. Arnfield , J. Vidanage , T. Carr , N. Pavan , P. Smith , R. Laidlaw
 
 
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) BYE
 
 
Div C2 (The B*stards) BYE
 
 
Div C3 (The Scum) 12.4.76 defeated Robert Mitchum 6.8.44
Goal Kickers: A. Martinson 3, P. Malinauskas , S. Kesic , N. Lawrence , D. Tofan , B. Vezis , M. Eisenberg , R. Gardner , S. Lawrence , A. Howard 
Best Players: S. Bridgwood , M. Aplin , M. Draca , D. Currie , D. Tofan , M. Pearson
 
Match Report of the Week

Open Women’s Div 2 (Bob Neil’s Girl Guides) 27.19.181 defeated Western Suburbs Hawks 1.0.6
Goal Kickers: F. Clancey 13, L. Mauceri 4, T. Lee 3, S. Racz 2, C. Tsoumbris 2, J. Schulz , S. Holliday , M. Jones
Best Players: L. Kenyon , F. Clancey , C. Tsoumbris , S. Ford , C. Tucker , T. Lee
 
Although this looked like an easy game on paper The Bush Telegraph (Stephen Baxter) wanted The Girl Guides to focus on the 1%ers to ensure a good victory. Such things as too many cookie sellers in the forward lines was deemed bad for business, and would see profits decreased.
 
The first centre bounce was won by Big Bird (Bridgette Needs) who got the ball down to Daisy Thomas (Courtney Thomas), who spotted up Fifty Shades of Grey (Erin Hennessy). Fifty Shades of Grey turned the pages, and wheeled onto her trusty left foot, hitting Steven Gerrard (Fiona Clancey) on the chest. With no worries at all, Steven Gerrard kicked the goal, giving The Girl Guides an early lead.
 
With the next centre bounce, it was Stevie J (Sheron Ford) weaving her magic and getting the ball moving forward. Her target was Listerine (Lisetta Mauceri), who was taking to the field to show her boyfriend, Oral B (Paul Newbery), how to play this field after his side had gone down in the curtain raiser. Although the kick went over her head, Listerine turned first, ran onto the ball and kicked truly to register her first ever goal in football.
 
Not content with this start, Steven Gerrard again outfoxed her opponent, allowing the ball to go over the top, beating the offside trap and kicking her third goal of the quarter. With not long to go until the first break, Lovers Tiff (Tiff Lee) pushed forward, taking a strong mark 25m out, straight in front, and kicked accurately. This goal was the 100th goal of the season for The Girl Guides, a mark they had never reached before, and allowed them to go in leading 5.6 to 0.0 at ¼ time.
 
The second term saw more of the same from The Girl Guides. Steven Gerrard kicked her fourth goal of the game, before The Torture Chamber (Shannon Racz) turned the screws on her opponent, causing a turnover, and kicked her first goal in football. The defence of The Blackberry (Natalie Newbery), The Celtic Warrior Princess (Brigid Morgan), Easter Holliday (Kym Holliday), Thommo (Thi Thy Nguyen), The Big Fish (Elora Fisher) and Jessie the Frog (Jessie Green) had all been tight on their opponents, but one small slip allowed The Croydon Bleus to take possession inside fifty, and kicking accurately, they registered their first score against The Girl Guides ever.
 
Although it was a comfortable lead against a side that was yet to register a premiership point, The Bush Telegraph urged for more effort. And boy, did Bob Neils Girl Guides put on a show in the second half.
 
While some players may have been feeling the effects of a half of football, The Marathon Runner (Laura Kenyon) was only getting started on her long trek, combining with The Lady Red (Cassie Tsoumbris) to get the ball down to Steven Gerrard who kicked truly again. The combination in the middle of Tuckers Daughter and The Marathon Runner was really making things sing, and next to take the scalpel to The Croydon Bleus was Paging Dr Jones (Mariah Jones), who took a strong, contested mark, and then kicked her first goal of the game.
 
Up for this game was Lovers Tiff, who kicked her third goal of the match, but the unstoppable presence that was Steven Gerrard again replied, not only bringing up her fifth goal of the quarter, not only her tenth goal of the game, but also becoming the highest goal kicker in a single game in the history of Bob Neils Girl Guides, going clear of Nurse Richo (Stacey Richardson) who had kicked 9 goals in a game last season. This bombardment of the scoreboard was also the highest score in a quarter of football ever for The Girl Guides, and allowed them to go into the final break with an unbeatable lead of 18.16 to 1.0.
 
Legs eleven was brought up by Steven Gerrard only seconds into the final term, and this was followed by Christmas Holliday (Suzanne Holliday), who had been given a holiday of her own in being put forward, kicking her second goal of the year, at the same venue. The final two goals in another dominant quarter went to Steven Gerrard, allowing her to increase the new record for most goals in a game by one player for Bob Neils Girl Guides out to an imposing 13 goals, and in doing so, going one clear of Team Manager Screecher (Wayne Abrey) for goals in his career, in only this game!

Final Scores were Bob Neils Girl Guides 27.19.181 defeated West Croydon Bleu 1.0.6 *(new highest score in a game, and biggest winning margin by a female team).



For all other Match Reports visit the Bob Neil Website:

http://bobneil.com/round-by-round-results/
 

Blackers Job Board - Junior Accountant 

LMS energy are looking at employing a junior accountant in the near future. Ideally they have had a couple of years post grad experience in private practice at a big 4 or midtier firm and gained CA qualification or well on their way.

The job is based in our Adelaide office. We are of course an equal opportunities employer so “blackmen” also extends to the blackwomen (girl guides etc). 

For more details please contact chairman@bobneil.com and would be good to attach a resume!

BOB BLESS
 

LEWY 200 GAMES!

The football gods have a cruel way of cutting players down in the prime of their careers. With his cult-legendary status already reached, Palsy seemed on a path to 200 games at breakneck pace. Perhaps it was his attention to detail regarding post-match hydration, or even his warm-down exercises at HYB (log jumps, break dancing, Peter Garrett impersonations etc.) that allowed him rack up the games. But in 2008 disaster struck. Unfortunately, whilst bending over to collect one of his trademark hard ball gets, Palsy sustained a broken neck and it looked to be curtains on his distinguished career.

It was difficult to imagine an AUFC without Palsy Lewis. Thankfully, his injury did not deter him from being involved in the club. In fact, he became heavily involved with the senior squad just weeks after the injury, chaperoning the ‘Melbourne Swarm’ football trip in his neckbrace. I think it may have been whilst on this football trip that it was arranged that Lewy would become the B Grade runner for the following year.

Palsy relished his role as the runner. He was not always prompt to games, he may not have expressed the complete football jargon, he may not have been the most efficient runner... but he showed great initiative; quite often going one-step ahead of then coach Tom Kurzel, to make the moves he saw fit. I thoroughly enjoyed playing in that side and Simey’s involvement was a big part of it. The pre-game routine was extremely consistent; Simey would arrive just as the side would be ‘switching-on’ for the game. He would politely wait for TK to finish any rev-ups or discussions before singling out players and greeting them with his signature *hand over ear* “Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!” *shakes head in disbelief* before launching into an embellished rundown of the previous night’s events. This process would then be repeated as many times as possible whilst in the rooms, sometimes continuing into the on-field warm up if required.

I am glad to have spent a full season at Park 10 in later years, experiencing further the joys of having such a character around a football team. It can get awfully cold and subsequently depressing during the course of our footy season and blokes like Lewy are worth their weight (not much, in this case) in gold. So cheers to you, Lewy – a true legend of The Blacks! 

 
Full Name: Simon James Lewis
Club Nickname/s:  Pauly, Lewy, Paulsy
Age: Height: Weight 6 foot 3, 100kg
Guernsey Number: 118
Games Played: Goals Kicked: 199 games 82 goals and a couple missed by Evo!
Junior Footy Club: If the Cap Fitzroy, Blackfriars, North Adelaide/Collingwood Mini League
Premierships? 3 (2004, 2005, 2013)
Describe yourself as a footballer (In 30 words or less): A skinny wingman who was lured to the mighty AUFC in 1999 playing lower grade footy where I am still playing today.
Favourite Movie: Actor: Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels/Snatch; Jack Nicholson
Favorite Player Nickname: Tom Cundy “Gapping Wet Cundy”
Favourite Band or Song: Midnight Oil; anything by them
Least Favourite Opposition Club: PAC or Eastern Park
Football/Sporting Superstitions: I truly believe beer tastes better when you win
When you were 14, what poster did you have on the back of your bedroom door? Mooooooooodddddraaaa!
Favourite AFL Club: AFL Player: The Crows, Nick Gill
Of the AUFC players you have played with which Player is? (Must not answer with yourself).
 
Smartest: Author of the footy almanac Rulebook…ta
Dumbest: Peter Malinauskas
Funniest: Clinton Rule and Cam Bryson
Angriest: Ben Warren
Best Looking: Matthew, Nick and Michael Heath
Coaches Pet: Craig Evans
Most Courageous: Tom Martin and Andrew Wright
Hairiest: Tony Paparella
Widest Playing:  Darren Graetz
Worst Handballer: Adrian Howard
Best sledge you’ve Given or received: Probably a bit rude to share on here but I have copped a few beauties out North from a few 16 year old mothers drinking tinnies on the sidelines. Really creative….
Favorite Player at the Club & Why: CLINT Rule because he is the only Blacks player born in the 60’s! Always look forward to his antics at Super Sunday or even on Saturdays at a game….a genuine club legend.
Favourite Club Song: AUFC Club song after a big win and Euphajism
Ask yourself a question and answer it: Question: Does Bunny like losing games of football?
Answer: No. Ask some of the coaches 2 years ago at the club! We MUST win a premiership this year.
Palsy and The B@stards side at BN#1, 2002.
Palsy Lewis (captain) with dog (Tilly) leads The B@stards on to University Oval for pet day, 2002.
Palsy and Drop Bear party at the 2007 ICC World Cup in the Caribbean.
‘Party Animal’
In full flight, Blacks Ball 08.
 
…the following morning, Churchill Rd.
Melbourne Swarm Footy Trip, 2008.
Premiership Player
Club Legend

THE EARLY YEARS AND LATER NIGHTS (by Hank Scorpio and friends)


As the son of an amateur league legend, Lewy was bred for excellence. Yet even the most astute talent scouts could have predicted the oh so dizzy heights he would reach (particularly every Friday, Saturday and occasional Sunday night).

- Three premierships.
- (A club record?) Three JT Gooses (and too many other nominations to count)
- And now 200 games and life membership of the Greatest Football Club in the World.

We would be lying if we said these feats had been achieved without incident. In fact, he is basically uninsurable when he steps out of the country.

Try these on for size: A  duel with Jack Dancer, a broken neck (see below), a bout of septicaemia (which required near amputation and an extended stay watching  a Spanish hospital), multiple broken collar bones (including re-breaking one wing with a JT Goose-winning somersault off a couch), knee surgery, various broken fingers, concussions, stitches to forehead, chin, eye, a cassowary bite, and numerous other ailments.

Not bad for a wingman who likes to play wide.
Knowing his talents were wasted in the shadows of father Ticker at If The Cap Fits Roy, it was a chance run-in with the Blacks' Uni Games team while celebrating the 1998 Crows grand final that first piqued Palsy's attention of the deity that is Bob Neil.

This brief flirtation was consumated over fire trucks, garbage bins and Dawsons during OWeek, and after going out to training he would make his debut alongside fellow lower grade legends Snooze and A Complete and Utter Burke under Dirty in the Chards. It was a match made in heaven.
He soon attracted attention for his talents, and as his nickname morphed from CS Lewis the Storyteller to the way more appropriate Saturday Night Palsy (or Paul C to the WAGS), he also became one of the club's best recruiters (Sister Slammer, Pearced Off, Heaters x 4, Slipper, Walrus/TK, B1 and B2, Goldie Lock, Squizzie Peters to name but a few).

The B!tch recalls one of his first brushes with the superstar in the making.
"My favourite memory was back in 2001 at the Chardonnay Socialists cocktail party at Dirty's house. We went together as we were 20 and didnt know too many of the older, left-wing genuine hipster types (before being hipster was a choice). 

"Lewis was hitting it particularly hard and I crashed out in the front room, falling asleep on the 70s-style low seated couch. Waking up with a brutal hangover, I got up, searched below the couch for my shoes, wandering my hands under the couch, until my hands found a nose. And an ear. It was Lewis, passed out, under the couch, in what could have only been a 20 to 25cm gap."

These type of a shenanigans left an indelible mark on Bitch, who installed Lewy as the inaugural captain of the B@stards in 2002 and played an integral part of a team that went on to win back-to-back flags.
Premiership coach Broadarse provided an excerpt from the eulogy he always kept on hand while coaching him from 2002-2006.

"I was convinced I was going to have to deliver this at some point during this period and yet here he is still going strong.

"At the height of my b@stards Lewi was our spirit (mainly vodka) animal, I always said the team rose and fell with Lewi, he was my barometer. Mostly because he was so close to the boundary line and the only player I could consistently make out! We rose when he ran out and we were our worst when he was out/out all night on a Friday.

But most importantly he led the team to watch the Ones on a Saturday afternoon, he led the charge at the team dinners and byes and drove the B@stards to be a great club team. The B@stards always filled the Havey on a Saturday, they attended the ball in numbers, we super Sundayed like it was our last and we celebrated our victories with a reckless abandon that came from Lewi's infectious all-or-nothing attitude. Great club man and the best team man to have."

Club legend Tom Action Man Martin remembers Lewy as a player of many layers (and his third JT Goose award).

"It was 2005 or thereabouts, and some genius decided to break up the tedium and responsibility of house sitting by holding a party, and inviting (maybe not literally) a bunch of Blackers along post-Bowlies to help get the things going. It was getting late and Palsy and TM found themselves scouring the pantry and fridge. Not content with the expired packet of Jatz and slice of old wedding cake, Simey turned his attention to the fish tank. The reaction of a small audience as he sent a Neon Blue Delta Guppy down the back of his throat to his tiny belly was not enough for Paul, no; he continued to hunt down and wipe out the entire tropical ecosystem. Not even the poor guppy hiding behind the treasure chest and shipwreck was safe. Was he finished? Nowhere near. Next to the tank sat a set of intricately handpainted babushkas in ascending order. With only a cheeky glance towards an already satisfied TM, Simey threw the poor little Russian down quicker than a milky cocktail. 

"Fast forward a week or two. TM was where he always was at 3am on a weekend - Zhivagos. Simey came running towards Tommy with an enormous, slimy grin across his face. Lewie pulled from his pocket a baby babushka and placed it into an amazed TM's hand, and walked into the night."
 
THE NECKS CHAPTER (by Pup)
The football gods have a cruel way of cutting players down in the prime of their careers. With his cult-legendary status already reached, Palsy seemed on a path to 200 games at breakneck pace. Perhaps it was his attention to detail regarding post-match hydration, or even his warm-down exercises at HYB (log jumps, break dancing, Peter Garrett impersonations etc.) that allowed him rack up the games. But in 2008 disaster struck. Unfortunately, whilst bending over to collect one of his trademark hard ball gets, Palsy sustained a broken neck and it looked to be curtains on his distinguished career. 

It was difficult to imagine an AUFC without Palsy Lewis. Thankfully, his injury did not deter him from being involved in the club. In fact, he became heavily involved with the senior squad just weeks after the injury, chaperoning the ‘Melbourne Swarm’ football trip in his neckbrace. I think it may have been whilst on this football trip that it was arranged that Lewy would become the B Grade runner for the following year. 

Palsy relished his role as the runner. He was not always prompt to games, he may not have expressed the complete football jargon, he may not have been the most efficient runner... but he showed great initiative; quite often going one-step ahead of then coach Tom Kurzel, to make the moves he saw fit. I thoroughly enjoyed playing in that side and Simey’s involvement was a big part of it. The pre-game routine was extremely consistent; Simey would arrive just as the side would be ‘switching-on’ for the game. He would politely wait for TK to finish any rev-ups or discussions before singling out players and greeting them with his signature *hand over ear* “Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!” *shakes head in disbelief* before launching into an embellished rundown of the previous night’s events. This process would then be repeated as many times as possible whilst in the rooms, sometimes continuing into the on-field warm up if required.
I am glad to have spent a full season at Park 10 in later years, experiencing further the joys of having such a character around a football team. It can get awfully cold and subsequently depressing during the course of our footy season and blokes like Lewy are worth their weight (not much, in this case) in gold. So cheers to you, Lewy – a true legend of The Blacks! 
 
 
GOOD SCUM, BAD SCUM (by the Future Premier)
 

In more recent years many people around the club have been wondering if Lewy in his 30s would bring a more mature, nonchalant attitude to his Scum football and social activity. Those people will die wondering, if they waste anytime thinking Lewy at any age is capable of detaching himself from any situation which combines jug skulls and 2 for 1 firetrucks.

His mission to be at the centre of any rapidly deteriorating debauchery, is with him for life. As is his desire to provide inane commentary to all and sundry on any drunken act someone else has performed which might make his world appear slightly more normal.

Like a whale hoovering up krill, Lewy takes in all the fun a Bowlies can produce, to sustain him during a dreary working week of accountancy. Fun is Lewy's lifeblood, and he more than most knows the AUFC is a rich, renewable vein of fun ready to be tapped. However, time has taught us Blackmen that strangely, there is also a codependency between fun and Lewy. Fun needs Lewy, just as much as Lewy needs fun. 

All this has put Lewy right at home in the Scum in his veteran years. His infectious effervescence has permeated through the team's recent successes, but particularly the breakthrough 2013 premiership. 

A light footed running backman or a lead up half forward, means Lewy is versatile on field and lunatic off field - the type of player every team needs.

By the way, did we mention he's an accountant!!!! a dry profession, for dry individuals - Life's full of surprises, and Lewy is one straight out of the box.

A/B Grade Guernsey Numbers


The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.

BLACKS NEW LINKEDIN PAGE


Get around the Blacks LinkedIn page. 


Click here or on the above image to get at the PAGE. 
 

BANTER, ANTICS, STITCH-UPS


Please send through to football@theblacks.com.au

 

The TEAMS for the Weekend.
 

*PS we endeavour to be perfect, but the teams may not be up by the time you receive this email. Click to view.


Black Jack & The Showgirls​

SuperGav & the Budgie Smugglers

Sexy Pimp & his C-Men
 

Cal Reid's Team Needs a Name


The Chardonnay Socialists


The B@stards


THE SCUM

A/B GRADE SCHEDULE
Round Date Opponent Venue
1 18/04/15 Rostrevor OC Cambelltown Memorial Oval
2 25/04/15 Sacred Heart OC University Oval
3 02/05/15 Portland Port Reserve
4 09/05/15 Henley University Oval
5 16/05/15 Salisbury North University Oval
6 23/05/15 Payneham NU Payneham Oval
7 30/05/15 Tea Tree Gully University Oval
8 13/06/15 Goodwood Saints Goodwood Oval
9 20/06/15 Port District Largs Reserve
10 27/06/15 Rostrevor OC University Oval
11 11/07/15 Portland University Oval
12 18/07/15 Henley Henley Memorial Oval
13 25/07/15 Salisbury North Salisbury North Oval
14 01/08/15 Payneham NU University Oval
15 08/08/15 Tea Tree Gully Pertaringa Oval
16 15/08/15 Goodwood Saints University Oval
17 22/08/15 Sacred Heart OC Sacred Heart Senior College
18 29/08/15 Port District University Oval
THE AUFC IS PROUDLY SUPPORTED BY

MAJOR SPONSORS

 






                                     
   








 





  

 













 








 


 



  











 
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