VOLUME 15, 24 JULY 2015
With finals time fast approaching, there is a quiet hum of excitement and expectation amongst the legion of faithful AUFC players and supporters. At this stage, it looks like 7 of the 8 Blacks teams rolling around will qualify for finals.
In the lead-up to a massive end of season for the club, it’s important that the lads take any opportunity they can do let their hair down before the important stuff begins.
Judging by the news headlines we woke up to on Sunday, one Blacks player got up to quite a bit of mischief on the Saturday evening.
In the interests of keeping his name anonymous and out of the all-seeing eye of the media, let’s call him Fritch Mancis.

Fritch’s night started at the Cumberland Arms Hotel, where he made good friends with a breathtakingly attractive girl whose only blight was that she seemed to have had her back pressed with an oversize novelty stamp. After realizing that this young lady seemed intent on staying at the Cumberland Arms Hotel with her friends, Fritch fled the scene in search of some fresh blood.
His search led him to Pirie and Street Co, where his recollection of the evening got a little hazy. Next thing he knew, he was waking up to the smell of bacon, eggs, and disappointment in an unfamiliar bed with a very familiar hangover. In a heartbeat, Fritch had gathered his things and headed out the front door to find the nearest main road.
When he stumbled upon Fullarton Road, Fritch realised his car was still at the Havelock, and that he should try and get there first. He decided hitchhiking was the best way to do it, and before he realised the error of his ways, it was too late.
He was courted by a 65 year old bis@xual French man, called Peter, who was asking him relatively invasive questions about his s@xual gambits. They must have really got on well, because before Fritch Mancis got to his car, he let Peter take him to Cibo where they shared a Croissant and coffee.
Fritch thanked Peter, giving him his number, before Peter responded with a limp handshake and bade him farewell.
You may have thought that we have employed some artistic license in the recollection of the above story, but unfortunately for everybody who knows Mr Mancis, the story is 100% accurate.
This weekend, the A’s and B’s are away at Salisbury. We send our condolences to their friends and family who have to go and watch them.
There’s afternoon games at both Bob Neil ovals, so there’s still plenty of Blacks footy flying around to give you your Saturday Fix.
May Bob Be With You.

Blacks Ball - August 8th 

Tickets selling fast, numbers are limited - get in ASAP before you miss out!

The Prohibition Blacks Ball
Due to past concerns, this year’s event will be completely dry*, but come along for some good sober times.

*except for the beer, cider, wine and $5 cocktails we will be serving on the down low, don’t tell the Feds!
Click attending on the Facebook event to receive all the updates regarding this event.

WHERE: The Dom Polski Centre, 230 Angas St, Adelaide
WHEN: Saturday August 8th, from 7pm
DRESS: Swinging 20's, Boardwalk Empire, The Great Gatsby


Or Physical Tickets available from your nearest AUFC player.

The usual obligation applies - invite every girl on your friends list, even the one you haven't spoken to since the morning after last Blacks Ball.
Round 13 Fixture

Saturday 25th July

Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Salisbury NSE&W @ Unemployment Park (Salisbury North Oval) 2.15pm

Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) Salisbury NSE&W @ Unemployment Park (Salisbury North Oval) 12.15pm

Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Mitchell Car Park @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm

Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch (Div 7R) v Mitchell Car Park @ Bob Neil #1 12.15pm

The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Max Walker Ville @ Bob Neil #2 2.15pm

The B*stards (C2) v Gays Are Great @ Bob Neil #2 12.15pm
The Scum (C3) v Colonel Light’s Garbage @ The Rubbish Bin (Mortlock Park) 2.15pm
Bob Neil’s Girl Guides v Angle Fail @ Fail Field (Angle Vale Sports and Community Centre) 6.30pm


Bob Neils' Second best footwear?


Blacks Look-A-LIKES

Picking Kalon Green to play football is about the same advantage as picking oddjob as your character on Goldeneye back in the n64 days. Not only that but the resemblance is uncanny. 

Known for his sloth-like attitude to getting to training each week and love for the snow, there's no surprise with this look-alike for Jackson 'Biceps' Dearing. 

Please send through to football@theblacks.com.au

25/7 - Bowlies featuring Vickery Dickery

The backroom at the yours truly (HAVEY) from 7pm.

Who knows what to expect with Vickery Dickery on the mic.

Kingy & Muscle beach

Club legend Wayne King advised his team mates of the following -

"Going to miss training tonight, but will put in a couple of Chin-ups for you guys before oiling up and strutting along Venice and Santa Monica beaches."

Kingy was later spotted on Muscle beach.

Girl Guides and Boy Scouts Join Forces

In the SA Challenge AFL 9's Competition only a week after the girl guides made history in their game with the Greys, the stars aligned to create another mixed gender team to be reckoned with. With Blacks players: Eddie Dadds, Ben Sanders, Josh Stewart, Damon Robinson, Sam Penniment, Aidan Offe, Carrie Tucker, Courtney Thomas and Anna Blight all in the one team, it took a match fixing effort from the umpires that would do Pakistan proud  to keep them away from a premiership.


Dates - Long Lunch & Blacks Ball imminent

Well we have two of the biggest events of the Blacks calendar within the next 15 days. On the 7th is the Long Lunch and the 8th is Blacks Ball. By and large a different demographic aside from from those ageless warriors who transcend such unwarranted barriers.

The Ball details are in the next section. The Long Lunch details, to keep in a tight snapshot are:
  • 7 August, Midday at AU Boat Club
  • Speakers Plug Harcourt & Sticks Phillips
  • MCs Clint Rule and Tom Martin
  • All you can eat and drink, songs, auctions and plenty of time for random catch ups
  • Long room open afterwards
  • RSVP to chairman@bobneil.com or call Book on 0414 678 815
Even more pressing than these dates is the Sydney Reunion this Sunday, once again as the Royal Exhibition Hotel with John Harms hosting. If you're not already down on the list please contact Book to reserve your spot. It promises to be yet another great show 

26 July - Sydney Reunion (Royal Exhibition Hotel)
1 August - Sponsors Day
7 August (Friday) - Long Friday Lunch (LOCKED IN) 
8 August - Blacks Ball 
29 August - Family Day
16 October - Annual Dinner (Wine Center)

Hewish Arrogance Unmasked

Some unbelievable statistical work from Mitch Francis here:

Following an out of the ordinary game against Portland, where he kicked 5 goals, we were astounded to hear *Mr Ego* Hewish himself proclaim “If it wasn’t raining today, I would have kicked 10 goals.” I was intrigued to determine whether there was any actual substance to this outlandish statement. After closely analysing historical rainfall and player statistics over the past 3 years, I have been unable to discover any statistical data to support his arrogance.

Most goals kicked in rain – 5
Most goals kicked without rain – 6
Goals kicked in Rain – 22
Goals kicked without rain – 20

Two things to be taken out of these amazing (and frankly, scarily well researched graphs):

1. To the surprise of no one, Hewish is full of sh!t.
2. Mitch Francis has the social life of an iguana.

Powerhouse Sports is a family owned and managed retail business which is located on the Parade at Norwood and this year will celebrate 25 years in operation.

From the early days John Paynter was one of our favourite Reps bringing in ranges of sporting products to purchase for the store and pass on valuable product knowledge to our staff. 

We take pride in our customer service and advise on all your sporting needs. We personally give advise on the correct fit of footwear including footy boots.

There is a range of compression garments great for training. Brands such as Skins and Body Science. 

We offer the Uni Blacks 10% discount.

For all our latest news find us on Facebook.

Round 14 Results

Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 8.9.57 defeated by Henley-On-Drugs 17.12.114
Goal Kickers: D. Bateman 3, J. Noonan , N. Beneke , B. Sanders , J. Willis , L. Antoniadis 
Best Players: D. Bateman , K. Flanigan , N. Beneke , J. Willis , D. Cunningham , S. Paynter
Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 8.6.54 defeated by Henley-On-Drugs 11.9.75
Goal Kickers: P. Dolan 2, M. Quin 2, A. Offe 2, E. Hewish , J. Johnston
Best Players: M. Quin , K. Green , C. Slape , M. Swift , A. Offe , B. Carroll
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp & the C-Men) 7.7.49 defeated St Paul 5.4.34
Goal Kickers: D. Davis 2, A. Ireland , S. Nankivell , Z. Turnbull , R. Laidlaw , S. Bondio
Best Players: A. Riley , T. Nihill , C. Desmet , D. Coughlan , T. Milton , C. Reid

Div 7Reserves (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 1.6.12 defeated by St Paul 13.8.86
Goal Kickers: J. Neave 
Best Players: R. Laidlaw , D. Conier , C. McMichael , T. Nguyen , J. Greeneklee , M. Makin
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 8.13.61 defeated Sacred Fart 7.7.49
Goal Kickers:
Best Players:
Div C2 (The B*stards) 12.10.82 defeated Smallsbury 6.2.38
Goal Kickers: A. Howes 3, N. Whelan 2, N. Tran , B. Collins , M. Reid , B. Larsen-Smith , H. Jamieson , T. Seagrim , B. Hill
Best Players: M. MacIntyre , A. Bate , T. Seagrim , B. Collins , J. Van Reesema , N. Whelan
Div C3 (The Scum) 9.14.68 defeated Queen Elizabeth 2.3.15
Goal Kickers: N. Lawrence 3, P. Malinauskas 2, R. Gardner , S. Philpot , M. Eisenberg , B. Hutchins
Best Players: M. Eisenberg , S. Lawrence , A. Bourke , D. Currie , A. Beneke , D. Tofan
Open Women’s Div 2 (Bob Neil’s Girl Guides) BYE
Match Report of the Week

Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 8.6.54 defeated by Henley-On-Drugs 11.9.75
Goal Kickers: P. Dolan 2, M. Quin 2, A. Offe 2, E. Hewish , J. Johnston
Best Players: M. Quin , K. Green , C. Slape , M. Swift , A. Offe , B. Carroll
Winners of 4 on the trot, the Smugglers hit Shark Park looking to become only the 2nd club to knock em off this season. The paddock was in terrific nick given the midweek rain, the centre square rock hard and resistant to the entry of Tony Greig’s key to the Vitesse. Notably the members boundary line was significantly further in than yesteryear, but with the sun beaming down magnificently all the ingredients existed for a cracking stoush of footer.
The Blacks absorbed the early 5 minutes of in-tight punishment, then won the battle of the scoreboard slotting 3 snags to one in the opening stanza with the help of a slight northerly at our backs, with both Tim May & Dr Quin looking slick. We kept the Sharks at arms length against the breeze, beating their press well via the switch and running through the lines, and with the home team spraying 4 very kickable shots late in the term we luckily hit the half up a healthy 4 snags.
With the smell of blood and the opportunity for us to widen the margin at ‘lemons’ with the breeze, the Sharks came out a different team in the premiership quarter, and the Blacks withdrew into their shells to play our most disappointing half of footer for the year. A combination of superior physicality, gut running and ever increasing bogan roaring had Henley put on a display of total dominance to slam home the next 9 sausages unanswered, and in the blink of an eye were suddenly up by 5 midway through the last and comfortably cruising to victory. Not particularly graciously either with some cowardly chirping for a solid minute after the final siren with the game done & dusted!
We were taught a lesson that if we want to be involved at the business end of the season, 4 quarters are required, and we need the on and off field leadership to stem the tide and plug the dam wall when our opponent seize the momentum of an avalanche. Put in perspective, 4 and a half weeks of good footy during the exams and holiday silly season has been solid, and with Merky Waters, Dead Bodie and Cum Back Zach to return in coming weeks, the final third of the regular season should be a ball tearer as we fight tooth & nail for a finals berth. We also wish Monty ‘Tom Waterhouse’ Swift the best in his sabbatical off to the south coast of the Old Dart.
On a more positive note, post game celebrations went fantastically at the Hewish residence, although as one senior club figure noted “there was a surprising lack of fruit trees in the backyard for a guy who voraciously claims to have Greek heritage”.
Next stop, Salisbury North out at Pokie Park, with the assignment to get the B-train back on track.

For all other Match Reports visit the Bob Neil Website:


Get around Chad Mclaren

New Blacks Fitness Coach and all round nice guy, Chad Mclaren, is doing a great job as the Program Director for the Concert below. We would encourage the Blacks community to show their support for what is a great cause and get along if at all humanly possible.

The Gazelle is off to Switzerland

Dom Davis playing football is likened to a gazelle in full flight amongst the winter breeze, absloute class and precision. The C grade legend, german loyalist and all around good bloke is off to Switzerland, not to negotiate a peace treaty or withdraw money from the family Nazi trust but to further his engineering career. Davis has also caught the attention of JP, turning down seafood dinners on the regular. We wish you well Double D's Davis. You will be well missed in the C grade's premiership efforts.

Hallion does Hindley 

A rub, t$g, dumplings and a happy ending anyone?
Working Hindley St tonight only.

Betty Crocker

Only one man - would have the foresight to have the same number as a drinks special. And that one man is the one and only Tommy "2 BUCKS" Milton! Furthermore, Milts has gained a new nickname after his medicine conference held in Melbourne last week - Betty Crocker. At the conference Betty was providing the goods, doing a lot of good work in the baking house. Let's just say he wasn't baking the kind of hash brownies you can get at Maccas on a crisp Saturday morning. 

Flick of the Week


It's that time of year when a few of the younger boys decide to explore the wild world of University student exchange trips. Monty 'Poor mans Swifte' Swift is one of those kids who can't get enough of them. He heads to the UK at the end of this week and has promised regular snapchat updates of his misadventures. Meanwhile Oscar Leonard and Nick Langridge are also experiencing the many joys of European hospitality.


A/B Grade Guernsey Numbers

The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.


Get around the Blacks LinkedIn page. 

Click here or on the above image to get at the PAGE. 


Please send through to football@theblacks.com.au


The TEAMS for the Weekend.

*PS we endeavour to be perfect, but the teams may not be up by the time you receive this email. Click to view.

Black Jack & The Showgirls​

SuperGav & the Budgie Smugglers

Sexy Pimp & his C-Men

Cal Reid's Team Needs a Name

The Chardonnay Socialists

The B@stards


Round Date Opponent Venue
1 18/04/15 Rostrevor OC Cambelltown Memorial Oval
2 25/04/15 Sacred Heart OC University Oval
3 02/05/15 Portland Port Reserve
4 09/05/15 Henley University Oval
5 16/05/15 Salisbury North University Oval
6 23/05/15 Payneham NU Payneham Oval
7 30/05/15 Tea Tree Gully University Oval
8 13/06/15 Goodwood Saints Goodwood Oval
9 20/06/15 Port District Largs Reserve
10 27/06/15 Rostrevor OC University Oval
11 11/07/15 Portland University Oval
12 18/07/15 Henley Henley Memorial Oval
13 25/07/15 Salisbury North Salisbury North Oval
14 01/08/15 Payneham NU University Oval
15 08/08/15 Tea Tree Gully Pertaringa Oval
16 15/08/15 Goodwood Saints University Oval
17 22/08/15 Sacred Heart OC Sacred Heart Senior College
18 29/08/15 Port District University Oval











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