Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. A free ride when you’ve already paid. Rain on your wedding day. 4 game-ending injuries to A-grade footballers before half time ensuring you play with 17 men from the 2nd quarter onwards.
What do all the above have in common? Alanis Morrisette would preach that they’re ironic… but she’s a Canadian fool. They’re just very bloody unlucky.
We managed to get our hands on the Doctor’s Reports of each injury.
PATIENT: Brodie Borg AILMENT: Coughing up blood REASON: The realisation that he will never take a mark as good as the previous weeks sent him his central nervous system into a state of shock.
PATIENT: Nick Gill AILMENT: Broken Collarbone REASON: Wanted to spend more time at home with the Missus, heeding Jars’ advice of “f***ing the guts out of her with his big c**k”.
PATIENT: Brad Davis AILMENT: Torn Pectoral REASON: Was quoted telling Hamish Crouch, “anything you can do, I can do more furiously and frequently.” The second repetition injury seen in the A Grade this year.
PATIENT: Nick Langridge AILMENT: Broken Hand requiring surgery. REASON: Needed time off to accept an acting contract after being successfully cast into an advertisement for Nivea in the role of "third stick of roll-on deodorant from the left".
Not to be deterred, the A and B grade picked themselves up and responded the only way they know how.
The feeling upstairs at the Havey at around 7pm was that of nervous excitement. Have you ever just looked at something, knowing it was about to get absolutely destroyed?
That’s what it was like as the fine, eloquent men and women of the AUFC descended on the Havelock on Saturday night like moths to an alcohol-filled neon sign.
Here are some of the highlights of the night:
Tom Milton’s BAC of 0.24 before the night had even commenced.
Dirty managing to offend almost everyone in the room.
Alex Ireland confirming our suspicions that he is in fact the b!tch of the family, after painting the bathrooms a delightful shade of mauve.
Tom Milton’s BAC of .49 by 9pm.
Esteemed Secretary Wayne Abrey ending up at the Wool Shed with a few of Bob Neil’s younger representatives. It’s never too early to taint them.
Sam Pittman’s rendition of Action Man. It was a friendly reminder to all involved, that Pitto does in fact have a purpose around the club. Onya Pitto.
The night did end badly for some though. Tom Bateman was the recipient of a glorious $85 hairdresser voucher courtesy of Hair Artistique. Unfortunately for Tom, he wasn’t there to collect the prize, and so it went untouched on the Bowlies presenting table. At the end of the night, it was nowhere to be seen. We’ve narrowed the list of suspects down to everyone apart from Langers and Bridgey (for obvious reasons). Rumour has it Dirty swiped the manscaping voucher to remove the pubic hair from his head: allegations that have since been denied. If anybody knows anything/picked it up by mistake, then let us know!
Thanks again to Hair Artistique @ Next Generation, Memorial Drive for the generous sponsorship
Long Room Bar open on Saturday
The clash with the AFL game at Bob Neil # 3 is not absolutely ideal, except for those of you attending the AFL game that would be well advised to steer clear of the over-crowded pedestrian bridge and instead head direct east to Bob Neil # 1 after the game. You should be able to catch a fair portion of the Showgirls second half against Salisbury North, South, East & West and at the same time you can enjoy some $5 cans of beer while the kids have a kick on the tennis courts or on the oval after the game. Look forward to seeing a big crowd there.
The A’s and B’s are at BN#1 this week, so if you wanted to see the soft bunch of footballers that didn’t get injured last week, make sure you head down.
Finally, a big happy birthday to Black Jack himself, who turns 55 today. I'm sure the Salisbury North/South/East/West players would give you hip hip hoorays after the game if they could count that high.
May Bob be with you.
Round 6 Fixture
Saturday 16th May
Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Salisbury NSE&W @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm
Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) v Salisbury NSE&W @ Bob Neil #1 12.15pm
Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Angle Vale @ Angle Vale Sports Club 2.15pm
Robert Reid & the Brady Bunch (Div 7R) v Angle Vale @ Angle Vale Sports Club 12.15pm
The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Max Walker Ville @ Tangle Park (Walkerville Oval) 10.15am
The B*stards (C2) v Gays Are Great @ Mardi Gras Park (Klemzig Oval) 2.15pm
The Scum (C3) v Fos Williams @ Bob Neil #2 (Park 10) 12.15pm
Sunday 17th May
Uni Greys vs West @ Flinders Park Football Club (Hartley Road, Flinders Park) 1.30pm (still need more players, all welcome)
Bob Neil's Girl Guides NO GAME THIS WEEK.
That's the bottom line cause STONE COLD said so! New legend to the club Nick "the rattlesnake" Langridge - welcome mate. Looking a little stone cold in the photo below champ.
We even love Langers so much we've managed to find a second doppleganger. The resemblance is uncanny...
We have to bend the rules for this one - a look a like on behaviour. Sam "the scene" PUTT-O was eating up the greens like a bowl of salad during the Annual Pre Season CMEN golf day. Every PUTT that went in was followed by - Double Pistols "BOOM", collar popped and a strut to the next hole. PS if you are ever planning on heading to a rave Sam "the scene" is your first point of contact.
The Adelaide University F.C. Ladies Day is typically one of the most enjoyable, popular and important events of the winter calendar. This years event is shaping up to be no exception, with the gentlemen of The Blacks keen to show their hospitality, chivalry and appreciation for the magnificent ladies around us.
As the girls will get pampered on the sidelines, the boys will be in action on the field, taking on Rostrevor OC.
When - Saturday 27th of June 2015 Where - University Oval
Tickets $40 each Includes: bubbles, wine, beer, juice, softies, tea & coffee Gourmet BBQ and salads & sweets Entertainment & guest MC Fun Games & raffles
Stay posted for more details to come!
Cassie "The Lady Red" Tsoumbris
A big congratulations to one of The Girl Guides in Cassie "The Lady Red" Tsoumbris who this weekend is representing South Australia in the SAWFL match against bitter enemies, The Northern Territory, in a game at Darwin's TIO Stadium.
Cassie is in her second season with the club, and amassed a grand total of 4 games with the club prior to playing in a SAWFL All-Stars match at Adelaide Oval before the Adelaide V Melbourne game this year, whereby she caught the eye of State selectors, and was chosen to represent the club in this match.
All the best Cassie!!!
SA Challenge - AFL 9's
The Winter Edition of the SA Challenge is upon us, and Adelaide University goes into the competition as the favourites after securing the win at the Summer SA Challenge.
5 sports will be contested over 2 days in the July holidays, including AFL 9s. All Adelaide University students are welcome to register their interest.
The cost to register is just $10, which includes a free playing top.
17 July, 9.30am - 4.00pm
Adelaide University Playing Fields
Mixed teams competition
Limited to 2 mixed teams, with a minimum of 3 girls per team
*A come and try session will be held in the morning of the AFL 9s competition so that participants can learn the game and the rules before the competition begins.
Please note that times are a rough guide and may change slightly when the draws are released.
Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 7.10.52 defeated by Henley on Drugs 22.18.150
Goal Kickers: T. Bateman 4, A. Alesci 1, K. Flanigan 1, N. Langridge 1
Best Players:T. Walker, N. Beneke, B. Smelt, T. Bateman, D. Cunningham, K. Flanigan
Nick Gill provided the most influential 12 minutes of footy imaginable for 12 minutes of what possibly could now sadly, but reluctantly may be his last. The 12 minutes possibly mimicked his footy career. The bravest most brilliant marking, amazing athletic speed and football courage.
Okay, he had 3 shots on goal and refused to make the goal umpire use both flags in any of those attempts. Admittedly his third attempt was kicked with a multiple fracture which resembled a car accident to his clavicle. Only ER Davies and possibly Bob Hammond, both in grand finals, have played a more spectacular individual SANFL match than when Gilly turned it on at Adelaide Oval against Sturt which would have surely nailed his call up to the Crows. At least these 12 minutes were only in one state of Australia and on Bob Neil #1. Gilly will always be loved by The Blacks.
Gilly was the first to be injured against Henley but Brad Davis, Brodie Borg and Nick Langridge followed him in short succession leaving us with 17 men early in the second quarter for the rest of the match. All 17 who remained were magnificent with Tom Bateman kicking 4 magnificent goals . This brave performance from 17 men will not lower the bar of expectation however for this weeks clash against Salisbury North who may be equally in need of victory and delighted that the great man we love and know as Gilly, will not be there.
Gilly constructed some musical masterpieces for us last year one of which was titled "Will the Real Bob Neil, please stand up" to the tune of the Eminem hit. This week at home we need 21 Real Bob Neil's to stand up, please stand up, please stand up!
Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 3.11.29 defeated by Henley on Drugs 9.9.63
Goal Kickers: E. Hewish 1, H. Gloyne 1, M. Murdock 1
Best Players: D. Robinson, R. Agnew, H. Gloyne, T. Muecke, M. Leslie, C. Slape
“Bad kicking is bad football”. “From chocolates to boiled lollies”. “Playing like millionaires”. These are all sayings that can apply to our great game of Aussie Rules football. These are all sayings that directly applied to the Budgie Smugglers on Saturday. After slotting a lazy 27 snags at the Reserve against Portland a week earlier, the lads sauntered into the home changerooms at half time with 0 goals and 7 points in the most disappointing half of footy in the young season so far.
Kicking with the aid of a slight breeze in the first quarter, we had 2 more scoring shots than the Sharks, but with no reward for effort came in at the break down 0.5.5 to 2.1.13, and this set the tone for a tough day at the office. It wasn’t a great day to have the surname Swift(e), as Ned trudged off after a great marking effort in defence with what initially looked like a horrible shoulder dislocation but was thankfully only a severe strain, with the damage to be assessed early in the week. Monty entered the game with hamstring soreness unbeknown to the coaches (very frustrating to find this out mid game!) and was cooked at half time, leaving 19 fit men including a crook Dolan to battle out the 2nd half.
To the players credit they fought the game out manfully and their effort could not be questioned, with a 34 point loss to a club we expect to be top 3 at season’s end certainly no disgrace. Coaches Cragg & James were accepting that we were “outcoached”, as our opponent had better structure at all stoppages, always had a wall of players behind the ball, and had a more open forward line. In layman’s terms, when we forced the ball forward, it was to a line of Henley defenders, and then when they forced the ball forward it was to one-on-one contests in an ideally less congested forward half. The positive is that all of these points can be addressed midweek with buy-in from the playing group.
Positives from the game was the continued ruck dominance of Divots Robinson, who is part of a great tandem with Slape and Sons and is pushing for a call up to the 1s to lend some much needed support to the “Smelt Dog”. Spiro Agnew has made a seamless transition from the C-men to the magoos to be a reliable Rock of Gibraltar and leader at the key defensive post. Similar encouraging transitions have been made by Dolan Work Dont Mix, Les Bien and Merky Waters. Spewish Hewish, Jimmy Neutron Johnston and Cum Back Zac Melzner will all be better off for their first run with the team this season.
Condolences go out to the 1s, who at the 10 minute mark of the 2nd quarter had 17 fit blokes, and 3 fellas already at the RAH! With many injuries for both squads to contend with this week, the resolve and depth of our great club will be put to the sword. This is not the time to feel sorry for ourselves, rather a great opportunity with our backs to the wall to dig deep, show enormous character, and get the job done at home against Salisbury North on Saturday.
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp & the C-Men) 10.6.66 defeated Salisbury N, S, E & W 6.6.42
Goal Kickers: S. Nankivell 4, O. Leonard 2, D. Polkinghorne 2, D. Davis 1, B. Henderson 1
Best Players: D. Davis, D. Coughlan, M. Jamieson, S. Nankivell, S. Hutton, D. Trezise
The C-Men started quickly against Salisbury North-West (or Kimye, Salisbury NSE&W’s poor cousin) with the Viking Nankivell taking a mark in the goal square within the first minutes. However, in a stroke of genius, he decided to handball off to an un-expecting Chooka who could only manage a behind. The C-Men controlled the ball for most of the first quarter but failed to convert that into scoreboard pressure and with some lapses in defence kept Salisbury N-W in the game.
The second quarter saw a lift in the C-Mens pressure around the ball which they carried out through the remainder of the game, obviously frustrating the Salisbury lads with some of them reverting to the ever classy schoolboy tactic of name-calling, in which new recruit and all-round superstar Caleb Desmet (who by the way penned this match report) was bestowed Salisburys highest honour of Smartest inbred they have ever seen—and others mistaking the field for a UFC cage with some scuffles here and there. Otherwise, the match was fairly subdued with the exception of one player who decided taking on one Carroll wasn’t enough and ventured into the crowd to have a “friendly chat” with Blake’s dad who in turn chased him back to the safety of the field.
Although dominating possession the C-Mens lack of ability to dominate the scoreboard allowed Salisbury N-W to remain in the game, compounded by another stroke of play-on from the goal square brilliance. However, this time the big man Putto was the culprit, wasting a guaranteed 6 points by playing on and kicking straight into the man on the mark while still walking back to take his kick. Nonetheless, the C-Men held together and over ran Salisbury N-W in a hard fought match and now look primed to continue with their winning ways.
Div 7Reserves (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 7.7.49 defeated by North Pines for a Win 8.3.51
Goal Kickers: S. Mandic 2, G. Ruth 1, R. Laidlaw 1, C. Reid 1, A. Roberts 1, H. Wilson
Best Players: T. Nguyen, R. Laidlaw, B. Stevenson, C. Ramsey, G. Ruth, R. Tedesco
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 15.10.100 defeated Sacred Fart 4.8.32
Goal Kickers: D. Jean 6, B. Meier 3, D. Weekley 3, C. Rohde 1, C. Schiller 1, F. Hayward 1
Best Players: Z. Hambour, D. Jean, C. Rohde, C. Schiller, M. Heath, F. Hayward
Only a mug would get excited about the season after round 4. But in the wise words of Larry David, the Chards are looking pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. Up against the (former) top team Sacred Fart at beautiful Bob Neil 1, the Chards put on a clinic in their most complete performance yet. The Farts remained goalless at halftime and were as deflated as the match ball they were blaming the effort on.
But the simple fact was we were on top of them all over the ground.
Twopigs was packing more candy than a pedo at a primary school as he casually sidestepped his way to another two jugs of beer, courtesy of the proprietor. On the Rohde Again was once again colossal in the ruck, the Scary Killer was in everything, Dropbear was beary good and the back line was tighter than the year 12 social. Levis Jeans had his best game for the year slutting around the goalfront and booted six up to three quarter time. His greed got the better of him in the last term when he put his boot where it didn't belong trying to toepoke his seventh, only to end up on a ride on a stretcher. Such was the carry on, we worried that his leg might have to be amputated. But after reaching the boundary line, he leapt off, grabbed a red can, and jumped into the passenger seat, rapt in the knowledge he now had a decent excuse to hand over the keys to his wife, who would now be stuck with designated driver duties on their dirty wine weekend in Clare. Happy Mother's Day Laura.
Meanwhile, Harrion had taken over coaching responsibilities for the last quarter and couldn't get his head around Dirty's elaborate rotation policy. In a moment of panic he thought we had too many on the park and quietly herded Hokely Dokely to the sidelines. It only became apparent after they kicked two goals in junk time that we were actually playing with 17 men. The arrogance!
Cameos came from Wayward Heyward Jablowme, late call-up Women's Weekley with three goals, Hollywood Hennessy who hasn't lost any of his party tricks during his endless summer and Homemaker Howie, who delivered the best hip and shoulder of the game despite being on running duties. But everyone did their bit.
One short of the magical 69-point winning margin and cockahoop with confidence. Bring on Max Walkerville.
Picture - "JEANO"
Div C2 (The B*stards) 9.11.65 defeated Smallsbury 3.11.29
Goal Kickers: C. Gregg 2, A. Buckby 2, A. Howes 2, D. Gallagher 1, S. Henderson 1, D. Collett 1
Best Players: A. Bate, D. Collett, S. Henderson, D. Gallagher, C. Gregg, T. Seagrim
This week the B@stards ventured up to Salisbury to take on a rather friendly and pleasant bunch of gentlemen, following a somewhat foul encounter with the "beloved rams" of Gepps Cross. The car horns were blaring and the mullets were flowing, but the majority of the magpies came out to go for the ball rather than the biff. Yet again, the B@stards were slow off the mark, allowing Salisbury a couple of easy goals in the first quarter. Strong efforts were made in the midfield early by regulars Steaming Seagrim and Godzilla, getting to the ball first and moving the ball forward. At the end of the first, the magpies had more possession, but poor kicking allowed the B@stards to go into the break with a lead.
The second quarter was similar to the first. Salisbury matched our attack on the ball but failed to convert possession into goals. Scottie 2 Hottie presented well at half forward, taking several marks and kicking an important goal. First gamer Harry Wellington showed promising signs across half back, taking tall marks and running the ball out of the defensive 50.
The second half was all about the blacks. Salisbury had run out of steam, allowing the Darcehole to rack up possessions on the wing and run the ball into the forward line. M. Bater was solid all day, attacked the ball well and took strong marks up the ground. M. Bater. came off the ground after the game with a very sore face, not just from being tackled face-first into the deck on numerous occasions, but after deciding to smother a hungry kick towards the magpie goal with his nose. Now that's using his head! Paddles provided a reasonable target up forward, kicking two. But don't want that ego balloon to become so over inflated that it bursts, so it is also important to mention the moment he failed to attempt a very uncontested mark after fearing that big bubba was going to get him from behind. And the moment where he missed a sure goal from just outside the goal square.
One very strange mention goes to Jay Vidanage. Jay decided that he was hungry, mid quarter. As you do when you get hungry mid quarter, Jay got up off the bench and headed for some bacon and eggs. When Jay arrived back at the bench holding his bacon and eggs in his hands, he claimed that the food was for his "cramps". Everyone completely understood and the game went on. The B@stards beat the magpies by 6 goals. This margin is slightly lower than it should have been, due to a fairly weak first half and some bad misses up forward. However the win makes us 3-2 leading into a sure win against Gaza, who sit pretty still at the bottom of the ladder. Cletus out #208
Div C3 (The Scum) 13.8.86 defeated Seaton Trams 5.11.41
Goal Kickers: A. Howard 4, M. Draca 2, P. Malinauskas 2, A. Vasek 1, J. Maxwell 1, T. Dean 1,
A. Beneke 1, B. Vezis 1
Best Players: S. Philpot, J. Maxwell, W. Legrand, A. Howard, P. Malinauskas
The game was being billed as a Friday night blockbuster Scum versus Seaton @ the car park ‘under lights’. Its not very often footballers of such meagre talents get to play under lights; couple this with Peter Mally’s 100th game [for more info see Ruli’s substandard write up] and the scene was set for a big night for the last 25. The usual selection shenanigans saw the scum loose a few gain a few and in the end a pretty strong side set off through peak hour traffic interrupting their normal Friday happy hours to assemble at the car park.
The game was also a coup for Seaton, who are looking to put the family back into Friday night footy (if not the teeth). Seaton fired up the lights and it’s fair to say the game felt like it was played under moonlight, the effect of which was the worst jumper clash in the history of the game. Seaton wear dark green with a white v and we know what the men in black wear.
This put the scum off a bit and we started poorly. Bunny asked their coach if we could turn our jumpers inside out and not bother with numbers their response was nup that gives you an advantage. Hmm not sure how – well considering we handpassed to them for most of the first quarter they might be right. Either way Bunny’s been around a bit and decided let’s not poke the Seaton bear in the eye so we pressed on. Once we adapted to the dark and worked on passing to players close enough to see clearly we dominated the score board.
The win was all the more meritorious as the scum lacked the inspiration of the spiritual leader Craig 1800 Evans replaced by the Blonde Rwandan taking the role of timekeeper, interchange steward, team manager, peace negotiator and named player in his stride.
It was a scrappy game with limited highlights excepting the send off and report of Brad the Green Machine for a late challenge and Timmy James Dean for annoying the umpire with a ridiculous peroxide hair cut. When the Rwandan inquired of the opposition coach what time Greenie could return to the field he was told ‘swanny’s gone to get a snag and a beer, he’ll be back in a bit’ … yeh no worries.
Bet players: James Dean and Pavan showed some welcome pace, Nick Vezis continues to defy age, Pete Mally was strong overhead and ponderous in front of goal, Wes was elusive, Howie provided the focal point and should’ve kicked 7 or 8. New player Maxwell showed some real poise but Doc Philpot dominated the centre half back line.
SAWFL Div 2 Bob Neil’s Girl Guides 14.11.95 defeated Morphettville Park 0.2.2
Goal Kickers: F. Clancey 4, T. Lee 4, J. Hull 2, K. Holliday , J. Power , N. Burns , L. Kenyon
Best Players: J. Hull , L. Kenyon , T. Lee , B. Needs , T. Nguyen , S. Pridgeon
* Big clash between the two undefeated sides of the SAWFL * The Girl Guides on top * Alcopop’s Playground second * Test of the true strength of The Girl Guides for 2015, with Alcopop’s Playground having played in the Grand Final in 2014 * And what better way to go into the clash then with the coach taking his wife out for a romantic dinner date at the same time the game was being played!!! * In the end, The Girl Guides ruled the night, and continued their perfect start to the season
Willy Wonka - Candyboy Two Pigs
Mr Hambour is a known CANDY dealer. He deals, he thrills, he makes you wait in immense anticipation anticipation for the sweet sweet CANDY he sells. No Batteries included. Usually found on the corner of Hampstead road.
National Volunteer Week
With National Volunteer Week upon us this week, the AUFC would like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who volunteers their time to help assist the club. The AUFC has been built on the time and efforts of volunteers, from committee level to goal umpires letting those borderline calls forever fall in our favour. The efforts of all these people around the club is very much appreciated, and has an immeasurable effect on the running of this great club.
Round 5 Award Winners
A number of awards are presented each week at Hold Your Bowlies through the support of our sponsors, the recipients for round 5 are as follows:
The deadline for Subs is Thursday the 14th of May (YESTERDAY).
Subs this year for Men's are $180 for students (any University) or $268 for non-students.(the difference being the $88 Adelaide University Sports Associate membership that we must purchase for non-AU Students - same with Ladies).
The Ladies Subscriptions are $120 for students and $208 for non-students (due to a smaller playing season than the Men's).
In order to pay Subs please click on the button below, and follow the instructions which best describe you (also below).
You will need to register with some basic details (or use your Rego details from last year) and you can pay online via debit card (Paypal) or credit card (visa or MasterCard).