There’s always one day during the year that resonates with all Australians young and old. This year, it gave many amateur footballers an opportunity to do something they had never done in their lives - play a competitive match of football on ANZAC Day.
It wasn’t war. It wasn’t a matter of life or death. It was a bunch of mates who were grateful they had the opportunity to take to the field together.
On a football side of things the weekend could have gone a little better. The A’s and B’s both had gritty losses, with the rain making any sort of clean disposal harder to achieve than sobriety at Blacks Ball.
There were some individual moments of brilliance though. Brodie 'Bjorn' Borg made being an air traffic controller at Adelaide Airport all the more difficult when he entered the stratosphere to retrieve the Sherrin - an achievement sure to land him on Almost Footy Legends in the coming weeks.
Special mention must also go to Hamish Crouch. Crouch Potato let the entire AUFC community know what he’s been up to while his girlfriend has been away in the US after breaking his dominant wrist in the third quarter of the A’s matchup. It’s been a while since we’ve seen a repetition injury like that - and it’s going to be a long, s$xually frustrating recovery for the great man. If anyone wants to use his Br@zzers account, he’s promised to auction it off to the highest offer. Let the bidding start at $69.
Bowlies this week was a low key affair in the long room, as the AFL match over the road commanded most of the public’s attention. That didn’t stop President Dadds though, who consumed enough West End’s to ensure Australia would continue mining tin for at least the next decade.
In doing so, our fearless leader left his 17 year old daughter unguarded in the only place in the world more hostile than Baltimore circa 2015 - saving 7 seats on her own in the general admission area at a Port Adelaide home game.
This week, the Blacks players have been to the doctors, had their jabs, and are taking their tour of “Adelaide” to some of the less popular footballing destinations. The A’s and B’s head down to Portland, the B@stards head to Gepps Cross, and the C-men and 7 Ressies head down to the Brett Voss of the university world; Flinders. The Scum are the marquee game this week (yes, you read that correctly), at BN#1 @ 2:15.
Saturday night we will be returning to Bowlies @ the Havey. Drink Responsibly. Or don’t. I’m a newsletter, not your mother.
Comment from the editor - "Now I've got to explain why Mum's laptop's search history has Br@zzers in it..."
Round 4 Fixture
Saturday 2nd May
Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Flagon of Portland @ Port Wildlife Reserve (Port Reserve) 2.15pm
Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) v Flagon of Portland @ Port Wildlife Reserve (Port Reserve) 12.15pm
Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Karl Marx University @ The Gulag (Flinders Uni Sporting Ground) 2.15pm
Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch (Div 7R) v Karl Marx University @ The Gulag (Flinders Uni Sporting Ground) 12.15pm
The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Ross & Trevor @ The Reformatory (Campbelltown Memorial Oval) 2.15pm
The B*stards (C2) v Gepps Double Cross @ Traitor Town (Duncan Fraser Reserve) 2.15pm
The Scum (C3) v Colonel Light’s Garbage @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm
Sunday 3rd May Bob Neil's Girl Guides v Port Adelaide @ Nazar Reserve 12pm
Old man Jimmy 'Judas' Mader was at his villainous best in the 'Home Alone' Series. Horrific attempt at Wolverine though.
Tommy 'Two Bucks' Milton has created some controversy on Facebook around food safety standards at Taco Bell .
Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 13.9.87 defeated by Sacred Fart 14.7.91
Goal Kickers: N. Beneke 3, B. Simpson 3, A. Alesci 3, K. Flanigan 2, D. Cunningham 1, M. Quin 1
Best Players: B. Smelt, D. Cunningham, N. Beneke, S. Paynter, B. Borg, B. Davis
It was a magnificent setting at Bob Neil # 1 for the ANZAC Day clash against the Sacred Fart, with a moving ceremony enjoyed by the players and coaches in typically wet ANZAC Day conditions. From all at the club a big thankyou to Rob O’Shannessy, Janne Filmer, Kym Beilby and crew for putting on such a terrific event. The farts let rip with a scintillating start before the we knew what had happened, kicking the first two of the match before we settled nicely into the game to take a two goal lead as half time approached. Cy-Borg’s hanger (the best seen at BN1 since Daddsy’s all the way back in the dew kickers 2 hours earlier), the clear highlight of the quarter. Unfortunately SHOC kicked a goal on the half time siren and continued their strong form in the premiership quarter as the Showgirls drunkenly stumbled off the stage. Luckily it was only a quick stumble and we recovered strongly in the last quarter, getting back to within 4 points with a couple of minutes to go. If not for a couple of things not quite going our way the result may well have been different, but if you’re coming back from 27 points down then everything has to go right. Against the Farts it was appropriately ‘He who Smelt it dealt it’ given the best player award, although he missed one of the great (or only) pay-days in Blacks history, including the best players Pewter, a Thesigner Travel voucher and the John Shierlaw medal and associated peck on the cheek by Mary Thomas (Norm & John’s sister), by vacating the premises straight after the game. Ted Beneke, Cunninghams Warehouse, Decorator and Cy-Borg were all terrific, whilst Brad Davis here to save us rounded out the BPs in a great return to footy after an 18 month cricket sojourn.
Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 6.4.40 defeated by Sacred Fart 8.5.53
Goal Kickers: J. Tronnolone 2, R. Anderson 1, E. Dadds 1, A. Offe 1, S. Sharley 1
Best Players: R. Agnew, J. Mader, D. Robinson, M. Leslie, K. Green, E. Dadds
After a courageous first up win for rookie coach Super Gav away at grand finalist ROCs, the Smugglers looked to christen Gav’s Bob Neil #1 debut against another perennially strong old collegian B grade in Sacred Fart in similar moist conditions. Son o’ the Prez Daddsy staked an early nomination for mark of the year with some rarefied air and the first sausage. The remainder of the first half was all midfield dominance from the Fart as ever reliable Mick Lez, Aggers & Jimmy ‘Mader mess of it’ Mader (kept previous week’s 6 goals kicker down to 2 this week) stood firm down back to try and limit the repeated onslaught to go in at the half only down 3 snags. In an impassioned plea to his midfielders, the big ruckman Damon ‘Divots’ Robinson who was palming the prune to the spot like a metronome and clearly flush with self-confidence, declared “boys… I'm winning every tap, I will put a bloody divot in the ground to show exactly where I’m gonna put it”. Nickname hence solidified for all eternity, onya Divots.
The mids responded in the 3rd quarter and some “chaos balls” into the forward 50 to 1 out forwards, including a cameo from late in Simon 'Ablett Jnr' Sharley with a busted shoulder saw the troops converge at ‘lemon time’ only down the 1 major with momentum on side. A second emphatic fist pump to the adoring crowd behind the sticks in as many quarters from a Jordan ‘Dayne Beams’ Tronnolone soccer goal provided hope in the final term, but in the end a high standard war of attrition was deservedly won by the Fart as the Blacks rued some loose checking in defence and a well drilled opposition midfield. A lot of character was shown by the lads playing catch up footy most of the day in the wet and fighting all the way to the final siren to keep the B spotters hardened for the season to come. The Smugglers will look to get back on track away to the winless ‘Flagon of Portland’ at the Reserve next Saturday, with the Jewish Hewish set to light up the track and force the coaches hand for his season’s debut.
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp & the C-Men) 8.9.57 defeated by Saint Paul 9.9 63
Goal Kickers: J. Fitzgerald 2, S. Nankivell 1, D. Polkinghorne 1, B. Warren 1, A. Riley 1, T. Seagrim 1, J. Cmrlec 1
Best Players: T. Nihill, T. Milton, D. Coughlan, B. Carroll, S. Nankivell, O. Leonard
Div 7Reserves (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 6.9.45 defeated by Saint Paul 13.10.88
Goal Kickers: J. Brazil 1, T. Nguyen 1, C. Ovenden 1, Q. Daly 1, P. Smith 1, C. McMichael 1
Best Players: C. McMichael, W. Lam, B. Christy, C. Ovenden, G. Ruth
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 15.12.102 defeated Port Red Light District 1.0.6
Goal Kickers: C. Lane 3, N. Hallion 2, N. Noack 2, R. Qasimy 2, D. Jean 2, C. Rohde 2,
A. Vallelonga 1, A. Butler 1
Best Players: C. Sulicich, C. Rohde, B. Cox, M. Heath, A. Butler, C. Lane
It's a rare privilege to play footy on Anzac Day, a day in which we honour and reflect on the bravery and courage of those who fought for the freedom we enjoy today, while celebrating that cultural idiom we call mateship.
But somewhere along Grand Junction Rd, maybe during a rub'n'tug from one of the drag's finest, the Anzac message seemed to have become blurred (we won't even begin to start on Nickname Redundant confusing the sight of poppies for Valentine's Day...)
After a first half filled with more whining than the Eudunda boys' annual Sea and Vines bus trip, Red Light District's chief pimp told Harrion his demotion/promotion to the Chards was soiling the Anzac spirit because he was not "being all he could be".
The muddled message may have carried some kind of weight if only Red Light District led by the same example (Harrion got into the spirit of the debate by suggesting the big-boned lad could be all he could be by entering a Big Mac eating competition, before being promptly told he would be put to sleep after halftime. Harrion delved further into the ANZAC spirit pointing out the dichotomy between the supposed egalitarian mateship ANZAC bond and that of being an elitist all you can be before finishing off with that ANZAC Day also commemorates futile endeavours and certainly Districts seemed to keep on fruitlessly charging the University machineguns).
The Districts Anzac Day side was a ghost-white imitation of the team that reached the elimination final last year, favouring cheap shots behind play than any kind of shots at goal (they managed one scoring effort for the match)
From the opening bounce, they were transfixed on trying to curtail On The Rohde Again in the ruck. That they failed miserably as he ran rampant all over the ground, even chiming in for a couple of goals, was one thing. The fact that it came at the expense of their forward line, midfield and defence was another.
Meanwhile we had winners all over the park. Carl Williams' House Husband once again played a starring role racking up the uncontested marks like gangland hits across halfback (only to be sniped by a shotgun pellet to the back of his hamstring at training on Tuesday). His mate Dino Dibra and doppelganger Harrion dominated the in-and-unders, Two Pigs had the time of a horologist, Big Cox and Butts Deep put on a show up forward, Dropbear was everywhere, the Gooooolwaaa boys gallivanted at will, and skipper Scary Killer was far handier on the park than as goal umpire.
Levis Jeans was so disinterested that he took his red back home to watch the AFL at 3/4 time while the player formerly known as Mud retreated to his natural habitat at Groovin the Moo.
The final 96-point margin really failed to reflect our true dominance. Oh well, maybe we will be all we can be against Ross and Trevor this week.
Div C2 (The B*stards) 4.9.33 defeated by Pem Broke Down 6.9.45
Goal Kickers: D. Davis 2, A. Howes 1, S. McNeil 1
Best Players: D. Davis, S. Gray, T. Seagrim, M. MacIntyre, S. Henderson, B. Collins
It was the B@stards first Friday night game of the year, and it was wet. Coming off a fantastic win against Portland last week, we were full of confidence and not drunk/hungover for once. The game had been moooo-ved from Saturday morning so, as Dirty described we could all shelve pingas at Groovin the Moo. The B@stards are basically a private school football team of 18-24 year olds (with a few exceptions), which meant that a significant proportion of our team are Pembroke Old Scholars who soon realised that the Blacks are in fact the greatest team in the world. Coach Holst's game plan was to run out hard in the first quarter before the rain hit, but it appeared that Pembroke's coach had the same idea, and they ultimately succeeded. They threw on a few early goals and then the downpour hit - goals were hard to come by. Our fitness came through in the 3rd quarter where we ran over Pembroke but struggled to convert on the scoreboard with a heavy and slippery ball. If it wasn't for a few controversial free kicks and Pembroke's first quarter run-out, we may have snatched the win. Faraz pushed himself hard all day, and even after suffering numerous corkies and hits, he continuously won most of the ruck taps making the midfield just a little bit easier for Buckby, Howes, DD and Steamin Seagrim. As usual, Seagrim put his head over the ball at every possible opportunity and was rewarded with a couple more handy votes to challenge Kit in the B&F. DD dominated all day after coming down from the higher grades so he could Groove, and looked like he was playing dry weather football out there. Cletus played one of his best games of the year in the backline, and Hendo dominated his opposition by playing in front and getting his body over the ball. Pinecone was strong around the ground, penetrating the forward lines with his raking kick and taking a few good marks in the wet weather. 2 goals to DD, one to McNeil and a slut goal square goal from Howes rounded out our final score. Considering Pembroke filled their team with A and B graders, the B@stards gave them a real run for their money (which they have a lot of), and the next hit-out will give us a much better idea of where we are sitting in the C2 division when we play their actual C grade team. Special mentions to the support crew that came out in the wet to help out: Nam on boundary, Jimmy J as the runner and Hodby standing in the rain as the goal umpire.
Div C3 (The Scum) 8.5.53 defeated by Queen Elizabeth 7.18.60
Goal Kickers: S. Lewis 2, M. Barker 2, S. Kesic 1, D. Currie 1, S. Musolino 1, P. Malinauskas 1
Best Players: S. Lawrence, M. Draca, N. Lawrence, A. Bourke, P. Malinauskas
A poorly sewn together patchwork quilt of a Scum Team squealed their tyres all the way to Elizabeth to play their young Eagles. A few regulars, fill ins, first timers and old timers. But still not enough. The Old-School bench was diminished further with 2 morning pull-outs. One because his feet were sore after walking home from the pub last night. I hope no ANZACs will read that. Well done to the Eagles who organised a minute's silence for ANZAC day. Then we were into it. One by one we fell to had only 7 injured players by the 4th qtr. Eight counting the guy with sore tootsie toes. Things weren't helped when the rookie stand-in coach turned his runner into a player thereby having no way to send messages out. The Eagles kicked poorly allowing us to get some thoughts of robbery going. We fought hard to hold ourselves in the game but were 2 goals and a bit out by the last change. Some pluck kicked in the last qtr and we rose to hit the front early in the last. It continued but we missed-up some chances. The opposition took theirs with the effervescence of their teenage engines. We lost. Appo imploded again. Super duper game by the Ruck and Rover combos particularly Drac to any Lawrence. They were the bulls in the running of the bulls. Lewis kicked 3 difficult and important goals despite still learning to walk and pigroot. O'Leary had his tongue out when given his chance with the midfield. And did stuff too. Peat Mally bore the weight of the game plan like an autocrat on stilts at a county fair. And a special mention to those guys who hurt themselves on behalf of us. No, not you Tootsie Toes. Thanks to their umpire for saving his most biased decisions until it didn't matter anymore. Oh yeah, and cheers Rob Mally for umpiring 2/3rds of the oval, Mr Lawry for Goal Umping and Evo for coach-taxiing, team managing, runnering, playing and mumbling. But last of all; that disappointing loss aside, I'm glad The Chards won by about 10 goals to 1. Dirty was very worried at selection so was unable to let us have any of his 25 players. Phew!
Bob Neil’s Girl Guides 10.6.66 defeated Angle Vale 2.1.13
Goal Kickers: J. Hull 3, T. Lee 2, F. Clancey 2, J. Power 2, E. Sheridan
Best Players: S. Ford , J. Hull , J. Schulz , T. Lee , S. Li , B. Needs
Bob Neils Girl Guides Mark III kicked off their season on the best ground for footy in Adelaide with a tough pre-season under the belt, and a couple of new recruits to add to the experience from the 2014 season. The couple of new recruits is actually 20 at present, which could see almost a full side of fresh faced cookie sellers taking to the field at some stage. Although some have played football before, there is a staggering 17 girls who have not played football previously. But of course, there was only one way to change that, with 7 new players to the club pulling on the Black with White V. Their opponent for Round 1 was a team that had undergone a full body detailing in the off-season, to try to fool the Girl Guides into thinking they were a 2 cylinder opponent. The former Division 1 side in General Motors Holden, who played at The Assembly Line, had gone belly up, leaving a number of very disgruntled Northerners with nothing to do but head further North and create a new club called The 90 Degree Angles. After a fitting commemoration of the Centenary of ANZAC, the Girl Guides came out firing. Strong work in the middle from Big Bird (Bridgette Needs) saw the midfielders in Lovers Tiff (Tiff Lee), Sophisticated Liaisons (Sophie Li) and Hulk (Jamilla Hull) move the ball forward. On the end of the play was Stevie G (Fiona Clancey), who dummied left before going right, leaving her opponent bamboozled, and coolly slotting the ball into the back of the old onion bag for her first goal for the club The 90 Degree Angles came back with a tangent of their own, moving the ball forward to implement the old 7 point play and take the lead, but in the minutes before ¼ time it was another recruit to the club in Sheridan Sheets (Eloise Sheridan) who silkily slotted her first major for the club, to see the Girl Guides lead by 5 points at the break, 2.0 to 1.1. Bob Neils Girl Guides opened the 2nd term full of run and effort. The wings in Its Not Easy Being Green (Jessie Green) and The Lady Red (Cassie Tsoumbris) used their pace to beat their opponents to the ball, and presented the ball on a platter to The Powermedic (Julie Power) who coolly registered her first major for the day Sergeant Schulz (Jessica Schulz) and Paddy (Olivia McCann) used their speed and height to advantage in outplaying their opponents, while the half back line of Dale Thomas (Courtney Thomas), The MeatEating Vegetarian (Meg Wilsdon), The Blackberry (Natalie Newbery) and Stevie J (Sheron Ford) all cut down the angles and repelled all attacking moves from their opponents. Late in the second term, and after a few missed opportunities, Hulk swooped on a loose ball and bombed away from just inside the 50 to coolly slot a goal that would not be out of place at BN#3 across the road. This gave The Girl Guides a small lead at the long break, with scores 4.4 to 1.1. The 3rd term was almost a repeat of the 2nd, only with better sales; I mean goal kicking, from The Girl Guides. The defence again held strong, with Easter Holliday (Kym Holliday), Christmas Holliday (Suzanne Holliday) and The Celtic Warrior Princess (Brigid Morgan) all refusing to concede a point for the term. Even a change down back, with 50 Shades of Grey (Erin Hennessy) and Thommo (Thi Thy Nguyen) coming on didn’t disrupt this tight knit group. Up forward, changes were also made, with Paging Dr Jones (Mariah Jones) working well with Stevie G to assist in her second goal for the day, before being replaced by City of Churches (Carrie Tucker). Hulk also bobbed up again, kicking her second for the day, with The Powermedic also getting in on the action, kicking her second. Finally, just before the ¾ time siren, Lovers Tiff went forward and snagged a goal to almost seal the game with still a quarter to play, allowing The Girl Guides to go in to the huddle leading 8.5 to 1.1. The final term saw both teams playing a bit of typical last quarter of the first game of the year footy, with a few mistakes creeping in, and turnovers and stoppages dominating. The 90 Degree Angles managed to slot their second major for the game, but then Hulk and Lovers Tiff responded to make sure that Bob Neils Girl Guides would not only win the match, but also win every quarter of the game.
Frequent Flyers? Brodie Borg
Brodie "Can take a grab" Borg an honorary member of the Mile High club thought he would add a few frequent flyer points to the account. Subsequently he is off to Thailand next week - stay away from the ladyboys mate there are dangerous. PS he takes Cash, Card or Credit - may have to form a suitable queue.
For anyone that missed it and can't be bothered waiting to see us win $1000 on the Footy Show next week, here's a link to the grab (also includes a baffling umpiring reversal of a secondary hanger 'Who Smelt it Dealt it' took immediately after):
Click here or on the screenshot below to view the video.
ANZAC DAY GOOSEBUMPS
Put Remember the Titans away - all the inspiration you need before a game.
The Club raised $240 on ANAC Day (thanks to Rulebook) for the Raise a Glass foundation, which supports returned service men and women.
Particular thanks to those from the Football Club community who were involved in ANZAC day:
Janne Filmer (co-ordinated the whole event), Kym Beilby (researching of all the fallen players), Sam Bridgwood (assisted co-ordination of the project), Michael Dadds (begrudgingly wearing a suit and wining and dining the Vice Chancellor for the day), the VPs who helped with the BBQ (Gordo, Dimma, Trimmers and Pappa), Rob O’Shannessy and the Cricket club for their large contribution to the project, Blue Loo Bryson for MC’ing the event, Girl guides for helping with merchandise, Damian Leonard for photography and all the players and supporters who attended the day to recognise such a special day for the Club.
In order to pay Subs please click on the link below, and follow the instructions which best describe you (also below). You will need to register with some basic details (or use your rego details from last year) and you can pay online via debit card (Paypal) or credit card (visa or mastercard).
The deadline for Subs is Thursday the 14th of May (Thursday fortnight). If you have not paid by that day then you will not be eligible for selection day, then you will not be eligible for selection. The Committee appreciate your assistance in what is a major fundraising exercise for the club, with the proceeds used to meet the substantial costs that we incur in putting 9 teams on the park (footys, umpires, medical equipment, SAAFL calls, insurance premiums etc) each week.
Tom Chalk the Surprise attack
Tom “The Surprise” Chalk is a man full of surprises and he handed a young lass one – in a big way – and it wasn’t as the great Blink 182 song goes “Roses by the Stairs”. Let’s just say he was an approach shot away from the green, normally a pitching wedge would be the club of choice – but Tom “Surprise Chalk” whipped out the driver and ended up in the Dirt Track……Please Ask Tom if you need any clarification.
HOLD YOUR BOWLIES #2
Presentation of the medalist (for BOG of the game) and official Hold Your Bowlies Installment #2 will be held at the Havelock Hotel this Saturday the 2nd of May from 6:30pm.
Important Notice: The Long Room will be open from 2:30 on Sunday for those looking for a $5 can before or after the Crows dominate 'the Pear' in the Showdown.
Anthony "The Butler Did It" Butler - 100 Games
2010 Premiership Captain - D7
2010 D7 Team of the Year - Full Back
The Butler Did it
Age: Height: Weight
12, 20, 59, 57
Games Played: Goals Kicked:
100 – 33 goals
Junior Footy Club:
Describe yourself as a footballer (In 30 words or less):
Hard running fitness fanatic always willing to get the hard ball.
Favourite Movie: Actor:
Shawshank Redemption – Jack Nicholson
Favorite Player Nickname:
Favourite Band or Song:
Greg Champion – That’s the thing about Football
Least Favourite Opposition Club:
Any club north of Gran Junction Road
Stretching will lead to an injury
When you were 14, what poster did you have on the back of your bedroom door?
Favourite AFL Club: AFL Player:
Adelaide Crows, Eddie Betts
Of the AUFC players you have played with which Player is? (Must not answer with yourself). Smartest: Dumbest: Funniest: Angriest: Best Looking: Coaches Pet: Most Courageous: Hairiest: Widest Playing: Worst Handballer:
Smartest: Dom Davis
Dumbest: More like slowest talking = Sam Thomson
Funniest: Hamish Crouch
Angriest: James Calder
Best Looking – Scott Uppington
Coaches Pet – Toby Nihill
Most Courageous – Nick Katsaros
Hairiest – David Jean
Widest Playing – Matthew Beilby
Worst Handballer – see description for Hairiest
Best sledge you’ve Given or received:
‘you look too tired to kick ‘ – he was correct
Favorite Player at the Club & Why:
Brendon Meir BJ – 80’s football is still alive in the noughties
Favourite Club Song:
Green Ginger Wine
Ask yourself a question and answer it:
Why is the Blacks the greatest club?
$4 oversized Carlsberg cans at the Long room
Julie "The Powermedic" Power - 150th SAWFL Game
Co-Captain of The Girl Guides, Julie "The Powermedic" Power plays her 150th game of SAWFL football on Sunday in The Girl Guides Round 2 clash with The Wharfies from Midday down at The Nazar Amulet (i.e. Nazar Reserve, Semaphore South).
The Powermedic has been a leader for the club since joining in the inaugural season of The Girl Guides, 2013, and is a wonderful ambassador for Women's football, having played in the early years of a number of clubs before settling in at The Blacks.
Congratulations Jules, and all the best for your milestone game.