Div 1 footy returns to Bob Neil 1 this week after Black Jack and Super Gav endured a tough run playing away for two weeks on the trot. With Ladies Day only 1 round away the A+B Grade will be taking note against Tee Hee Gully of which spots on Bob Neil 1 provide the best vantage points for perving and being perved on. The Chards are also playing the curtain raiser this week on the main oval against the Tee Hees however they need no special preparation because for Dirty, every day is Ladies Day.
Whilst it would be unwise to reflect for too long on the results of last week's venture to NSE&W – the fact that people actually live out there is depressing enough – it should be noted that during the half-time of the A Grade match, what appeared to be a soup kitchen popped up and started feeding the homeless, right there at the ground. Upon further inspection it was actually the NSE&W staff providing free food to all players and spectators in a court-ordered gesture of compensation in anticipation of the large medical bills that usually arise when playing the NSE&W on their home turf. Fortunately the game was *rather* civilised and there was no need for any hospital check-ins as a result of the match (or the food).
After thumping Karl Marx University (a.k.a Flinders Early Learning Centre a.k.a 3rd Preference) by 99 and 105 points respectively last week, the Robert Reid and the Sexy Pimp really demonstrated to the Marxists that whilst all football clubs are equal – some are more equal than others. The 7s and 7Rs battle North Pines for a Win at Paint Pot Park this week, with rumours abuzz that 7Rs veteran Kenny Everett will be returning for a coaching cameo. Will Kenny be able to make history and bring home a win for the first time in his coaching career? Watch this space to find out.
The women's teams also return to beautiful Bob Neil 1 this week, hosting a double-header against Sarah Jessica-Park (Morphetville Park) on Sunday. For those of you who can't get enough of Blacks footy and want to have a Sunday session with some of the coldest and cheapest beers in the State there is no better place than BN1. The canteen will be up and running with the AFL telecast being shown in the Long Room plus $4 West End tins – need I say more???
Match of the Round this week goes to the Div C3 team known as….THE B@STARDS! Youuuuuuuu! The B@stards are having a 'grand-final' replay against a Pem Broke Downs team that was utterly humiliated and demoralised last year when a courageous B@stards unit knocked Pem Broke Downs out of the finals with a win at the very last minute. After trailing by 4 goals at the end of the third quarter, and having been steam-rolled by the same team earlier in the season, things were looking grim for the B@stards. To add insult to injury, the Downs were taunting the B@stards (never a wise move), using the phrase 'glamour time' to prematurely celebrate a victory. Anyone that has ever googled 'karmic justice' videos can predict what happened next – the B@stards surged back to take the lead in the dying seconds and made sure to let the Downs know that glamour time was well and truly over.
Expect a bitter fight between two rivals on Bob Neil 2 this weekend with the Scum playing the Hitler Youth on the undercard.
Good luck to all 9 teams this week. May Bob be with you.
Snippets of Grey
A very small snippet today. Red wine on a wintery friday lunch became suddenly more attractive to your grey scribes than sitting at our desks thinking of some dribble to send you fine folk. Anyway, two things to quickly note.
1996 P1 (the only year of Premier League, supposedly the paid and professional version of the amateurs) premiership reunion at Uni Oval and Hold your Bowlies tomorrow night. Anyone with the vaguest connection please get along to celebrate a fantastic year in Blacks history and support the A/B grade in a huge double header against the Tee Hee Gullys. Tee Hee certainly in Jo Gutnick (thanks Stump) at present but I sense a big day for the Blacks. Get around em.
And then there's the wine drive. But we'll worry more about that next week. Just don't buy any other stuff over the weekend.
On Saturday June 4, watch the Mighty Uni Blacks take on ROCs at Bob Neil #1 from the boundary side marquee.
$50 will get you:
Lunch and nibbles Bubbles, Wine, Cider and Beer from 1:30pm - 5:00pm
Mr Uni/ Talent Show
Post Game Entertainment
After the game join the Adelaide University players in the marquee for a night of comedy and fun when four players compete for the title of Mr University 2016 voted by the ladies of the day. Dance floor, DJ's and cheap drinks til 10:00pm before a short stroll into the city if you haven't had enough for the day. SALE OF TICKETS ENDS WEDNESDAY JUNE 1
Bowlies will also be held at BN#1 that Saturday Night.
We will put on $5 beers, wine, cider and champagne all day for Blacks registered players (come out and watch the A and B grade)
La cantina food truck will be there from 6pm for dinner.
The AUFC endorses the responsible consumption of alcohol
Hold Your Bowlies
Bowlies - 7pm start at the Havelock
1996 premiership crew will be in attendance so get there to learn from the greats.
Word on the street is that Nick 'Codral' Cottrell will skip his basketball training aka college pub night to be there. Can't get enough of Codral.
*The AUFC does not endorse getting "codralised". It does however endorse getting around the absolute gun that Codral is at bowlies saturday night if he shows up.
Match Report of the week
C-men 100 point win over Flinders Early Learning Centre (a.k.a Karl Marx University) (a.k.a Super Tafe)
A lazy 100 point win against Flinders Uni (making that 4 wins in a row) and the self-proclaimed most social side were ready to get a bit liable. The boys thought of a highly original theme (surely never been done before in the history of football clubs), and grabbed a few PARTY SHIRTS from the darkest realms of their wardrobes – or fathers/sisters wardrobes. Unfortunately not everyone was able to acquire one, so Bondi just decided to wear a dress instead. A fair tradeoff.
After a few quick beers in the Long room watching Port lose on their home deck (f*ck Port), Polkas and Ritchie decided to call it a night and try and beat the strict curfew imposed by their wives. Judging by his lack of appearance at training this week one can only assume that Polkas missed that curfew and was grounded indefinitely. Such is life.
The boys hit the road to grab a quick jug or 2 at the Nostril hotel. On the way, Zacky Turnbull decided to sit a few of the younger boys down and teach them his 4 point master plan for procuring a kiss from a little cutey in a dirty club.
1. Heyy, how are you?
2. What’s your name?
3. You’re really pretty!
4. Can I have a kiss?
Then if they say no, try it on the next girl, never accept a pie!
Works 60% of the time, every time.
On entry to the Havelock, Edward Dadds was so astonished by the vibrant party shirts, he just blurted out “I will scull a jug of beer after the A grade game on ladies day! I swear it on Bob himself.” - Looking forward to it Forky ;)
The night gets hazey from here, dotpoints are really the only way forward:
Mitch Fitz went home by 9pm, woke up the next morning and claimed he was out til 5am. Come off it Fitz.
Toby claimed his rightful place as the oldest person at fats, then went home before the DJ started.
Jacky McGowan took Zack's advice later on that night at fats and managed to get a kiss on the lips from a nice young girl – rumours are this was his first kiss, still unconfirmed. Congrats Jack!
A couple of boys chundered on the balcony of the Havelock, nothing out of the ordinary here.
No one swallowed the coin, apparently Hutto pocketed it to buy a beer at the London later that night. You're the worst Hutto.
Trending on Facebob
First things first, Like the club FB page and keep up to date with the latest Blacks news - Howie doesn't get to touch this one.
Surely a club as great as ours deserves more "likes" and "followers" than the rags out at Payneham???
Rumours are flying that club stalwart Dr Quin, Medicine Woman may be making a return this week after spending the first half of the year up in Mildura. If you listen to Quinny's self-perpetuated propaganda campaign, this game will be full of one handed pick ups and 65 - 75m goals
B@stards epic re-match
The B@stards Facebob group has been buzzing after this inspirational post by Hazard Jamieson - Get out to watch the re-match that is born from the ashes of the greatest modern day B@stards victory. 2:15pm Park 10 #historywillrepeat
Unlike Gary Rohan, Ben Sanders is slow, terrible with women and can maybe kick a football 35 metres on a good day. Like Gary Rohan, Ben Sanders is a raging ranga. Good enough.
Sledge of the Week
One of the brain surgeons playing for Salisbury NSE&W decided to exercise his grey matter by calling out to #77, worn by Josh 'Pin-legs' Stewart: "Nice number d*ckhead!"
Pin Legs: "Thanks mate, it's the number of times your girlfriend has cheated on you with me!"
NSE&W: "I don't have a girlfriend"
Pin Legs: "Well, obviously not anymore"
Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 11.4.70 defeated by Salisbury NSE&W 18.10.118
Goal Kickers: B. Simpson, J. Schulz, D. Robinson, J. Noonan, A. Alesci, S. Sharley, W. Paynter, J. Willis, M. Newcombe, S. Paynter, A. Offe
Best Players: A. Alesci, J. Grieger, N. Cottrell, S. Paynter, J. Noonan
Div 1R (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 5.9.39 defeated by Salisbury NSE&W 11.12.78
Goal Kickers: W. Evans, S. Pittman, E. Hewish, M. Slade, E. Moore
Best Players: L. Parker, A. Deng, S. Pittman, E. Dart, J. Stewart
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp and his C-Men) 23.12.151 defeated Karl Marx University 6.10.46
Goal Kickers: B. Robinson 7, D. Polkinghorne 3, R. Sammut 3, D. Davis 2, S. Hutton 2, D. McIntosh 2, J. Fitzgerald 2, T. Vickery, J. McGowan
Best Players: B. Robinson, T. Vickery, C. Mintz, R. Sammut, J. Cmrlec, H. Rusby
Div 7R (Robert Reid and The Brady Bunch) 16.16.112 defeated Karl Marx University 2.1.13
Goal Kickers: N. Dragas 4, G. Kearsley 3, R. Laidlaw 3, T. Bowles 2, N. Ivic 2, T. Muecke, Q. Daly
Best Players: S. Hickey, T. Muecke, T. Ambrose, M. Veprek, D. Mates, N. Dragas
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 12.16.88 defeated Salisbury NSE&W 3.6.24
Goal Kickers: M. Stuart 5, M. Fitzgerald 2, A. Butler 2, B. Meier, D. Jean, C. Muldoon
Best Players: R. Calley, D. Jean, D. Byrne, D. Blyth, R. Doecke, M. Stuart
Div C3 (The B*stards) 1.3.9 defeated by Mudbury 14.23.107
Goal Kickers: M. Reid
Best Players: M. Reid, T. Nurthen, E. Verco, B. Hill, D. Power
Div C5 (The Scum) 3.8.26 defeated by Mudbury 7.10.52
Goal Kickers: P. Malinauskas 2, S. Lawrence
Best Players: A. Trevarrow, R. Malinauskas, S. Lawrence, N. Lawrence, S. Musolino
Open Women’s Div 1 (The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders) 6.2.38 defeated by West Adelaide 6.6.42
Goal Kickers: N. Collie 3, K. Harvey, J. Power, G. Mills
Best Players: W. Benson, M. Galic, K. Holliday, J. Power, K. Harvey, I. Wishart
Open Women’s Div 2 (Hollywood and His Rising Stars) 19.13.127 defeated Western Suburbs 0.3.3
Goal Kickers: H. Beale 4, N. Collie 3, T. Lee 3, E. Sheridan 3, J. Caulfield 2, S. Keech, T. Huynh, S. Lim-Hussain, E. O''Dea
Best Players: N. Collie, E. O''Dea, T. Lee, H. Beale, E. Sheridan, J. Caulfield
Saturday 28th May
Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Tee Hee Gully @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm
Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) v Tee Hee Gully @ Bob Neil #1 12.15pm
Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v North Pines for a Win @ Paint Pot Park (Andrew Smith Reserve) 2.15pm
The Kenny Everett Video Show (Div 7R) v North Pines for a Win @ Paint Pot Park (Andrew Smith Reserve) 12.15pm
The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v The Raggies @ Bob Neil #1 10.15am
The B*stards (C3) v Pem Broke Down @ Bob Neil #2 (Park 10) 2.15pm
The Scum (C5) v Hitler Youth @ Bob Neil #2 12.15pm
The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders (Open Women’s Div 1) v Morphetville Park @ Bob Neil #1 2.30pm
Hollywood and His Rising Stars (Open Women’s Div 2) v Morphettville Park @ Bob Neil #1 12.30pm
This year the Mighty Blacks will be fundraising with the Entertainment Book. The books are $65 each ($13 of this goes towards the club/team as a fundraising component).
Each team has a designated fundraising site (refer to links below). Share with your friends, family, neighbours, work colleagues, drinking buddys and tinder (or grinder – we don’t judge) dates. Funds raised go directly to the team/Club.
Bob Neil has used his scientific calculator that he only needs to sell 4 books to get a carton of South Australia’s finest and a bottle of Green Ginger Wine!
Last year the Chards raised over $300 selling the book, which was donated to Dirty.
For those of you that don’t know the book it is filled with plenty of 2-4-1 deals and 25% off vouchers for clubs and bars across Adelaide. With places like The Havey, The British, The Kentish, Zambrero and Burger Foundary you’ll be sure to make you money back.
If you want a book they can be brought to training or delivery can be organised to a home or office. If you buy digital it is uploaded onto your phone and is able to use immediately, it’s definitely the way to go.
Any queries, please see contact Chardonnay Socialist, Anthony ‘Drop Bear’ Vallelonga on 0403 583 735.
Player Sponsors Wanted
It's that time of year again and a few kids are still in search of a player sponsor.
If you can help out and keep an A/B grader clothed for his matches and insured if he gets injured, please contact Will 'Do the Evolution Baby' Evans at firstname.lastname@example.org
The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.