VOLUME 35, 24 JUNE 2016
Welcome back for another weekly edition of all things AUFC. We are back to full capacity with all 9 teams playing this weekend and another triple header on the cards at beautiful Bob Neil 1. Uni exams and holidays have stretched player availability to breaking point, such that even Dirty had to be honest with his selections this week.
Last week saw the Chards, Budgie Smugglers and the Showgirls all defeat the Port Red Light District in a humiliating and arrogant display of uni footy. There's nothing sweeter than travelling out to the Badlands, winning convincingly and hopping into dad's heated beemer, taking comfort in the fact that you don't have to visit the place ever again (at least not this year). Match of the week goes to the Budgie Smugglers who were inspired by a very excited Super Gav, who was ranting and raving about Promised Lands? Land of Promise? Nobody is quite sure but Gav mysteriously disappeared for the A grade game, returning for the final siren with a grin from ear to ear.  
Next Saturday, July 2 is a very important date in the calendar. It is the date that will change all of our lives for better or worse. It is a date where we must make very important decisions and live with the consequences of those decisions. It is the date of the 2016 Blacks Ball. As always, this promises to be a loose evening full of debauchery, destruction and possibly dressing up in drag (are we still allowed to do that or will someone be 'triggered'??). This year we are at the sponsor pub, the Havey, because we have officially been banned from every function centre, ballroom, RSL, scout hall, club, pub, venue and nunnery in the greater metropolitan area. That's something to be proud of. I wonder if it's possible to get banned from your own sponsor pub? That would make Hold Your Bowlies interesting. The theme this year is Bob Neil's 21st which means it’s time to dig through your parents old clothes and revive fashion trends that they had hoped were dead forever as we get on down to a groooooovy 70s vibe. First 50 tickets are only $75 which is outrageous value for a 5 hour drinks package – the B@stards spend $75 just on taxis to Fat Controller on a Saturday night so what are you waiting for? Get your tickets now!
Turning to the matches this week, the Tarnished Spooners have a long journey ahead of them over to Bob Neil 1 where the main event is….the B@stards!!! Yes that's right, just in case the first 2 matches turn the main oval into Bog Neil 1, the Budgie Smugglers are playing at 11:15 with the Showgirls on afterwards at 1:15 and if there's an oval left, the B@stards will be taking main honours at 3:30. Over at Bob Neil 4 there is another triple header against the Tarnished Spooners with the C-Men, Kenny Everett and the Scum representing the black and white V. This raises the possibility of having 6/6 wins against the Tarnished Spooners, an achievement is only outmatched by doing it against the real spooners.
In other matches, Dirty and his Phantoms take on Fos Williams at Bob Neil 2 at 10:15 whilst the Dead Letter Office Raiders play the evening game at Angle Fail at 6:30. The Rising Stars have some mountains to climb this week – literally – as they battle Mount Lofty on the Sunday at Arkaba Oval (that's Arkaba OVAL, not the pub Screecher) at 3pm.
Lots of footy on this weekend so get out and support your mates and the club. It might also be a good time to say your final goodbyes to the Long Room as who knows what might happen to it if the B@stards get up and are allowed inside.
May Bob be with you,

Go Blacks.

Wine Drive

Hey Black folks, we’ve been casually promoting this deal over the last few weeks but now is the time to act as it will close TODAY
Our great friends at Angoves have put up two cracking wines at very generous prices for the Blacks wine drive this year. Absolutely perfect to get you through the dreary winter months after you’ve had a couple of Bob Neil’s finest as a starter. Think of how many you may need to get you through to the end of footy season and order away because substantial proceeds from the sales will go straight to the AUFC, making it one of our big fund raisers for 2016.

The wines are available in 6 packs so I would suggest that you get at least one of each to get started. Works out to under $12 a bottle for both 6 packs. You can either elect to pick up from Uni Oval at any home game (July 2nd the first one for pick up) or get it delivered to your doorstep for an extra $5.
Get ordering and please pass onto family, friends and anyone else who may love some claret.

If you wish to pay EFT you may do so by just saying that on the order form and transferring cash to the following account:
Adelaide Uni FC
BSB 015 010
Acc 403410418
Reference: “your surname” wine
Thanks for your support!!

Match Report of the week

Budgies finish off Port District

With the departure of one PLFL came the ‪#return‬ of another, with Maxy Parker pulling on his disco boots and dancing down to Red Square to take on the lowly placed Red Light Districts.

While many would say it was the Uni Exam period that gifted Maxy his spot, the man himself insisted that a 2 time B&F runner up will always have a special place in the side.

Max would be forgiven for thinking the B grade culture has changed since his premiership days, exclaiming 'what the fuck is Elliot Hewish doing?' on arrival as he looked out to see him warming up in sunglasses and his footy gear.

With Deng unsighted since Round 6, Harry Whyte stepped in, making his presence felt in the ruck from the first bounce. Harry was well supported by Warren, Swifty, Sladey and Josh Stewart in the midfield, with the blacks controlling play from the outset.

In his first journey beyond the City of Norwood, Payneham and St.Peters, Harmsy looked strangely comfortable amongst the hardened Port Districts midfielders, showing courage and hunger at every contest.

Disappointingly, the half-time scoreboard highlighted a number missed opportunities with the boys heading into the 3rd quarter with an underwhelming lead.

The Blacks managed to break the shackles in the 3rd with Jacko Dearing, Toby and Jack Keynes (wearing a particularly familiar pair of boots) dominating the half backline and Highlighter Hewish asserting himself up forward.

The boys flexed a bit of muscle in the last half, piling on 7 goals to 1 and running out comfortable winners. Nick Warren kicked 3 in a dominant midfield display, while Highlighter Hewish also kicked 3 up forward. Best players on the day were Warren, Slade, Stewart and Harms in the midfield, Max Jamieson on a wing and Keynesy down back.

Vally 150 Games

‘Upside, inside out, Anthony Vallelonga’

The phrase ‘club legend’ gets thrown around reasonably flippantly in the modern era. Regardless, please indulge me as I wax lyrical about the celebration that is Vally’s 150th game.

Vally came to the club fresh out of high school in the mid 2000’s, at a time when on-field success was peaking and the off-field scene was appropriately booming. A perfect combination and perfectly suited to the easily-influenced, social butterfly that is Anthony Vallelonga.

Born with a giant smiling head and 2 rubber arms; easily twisted at the mention of a good time, Vally quickly embraced the club ethos and entrenched himself into the weekly Thursday + Saturday Havelock routine. He had the process of leaving the ground and arriving to HYB down to a tee and taught me the valuable lesson of getting 2-4-1’s in a schooner glass (to maximise alcohol content thus saving more money to pump over the bar at Zhivagos later in the evening).

As a footballer, Vally is equally as frugal. He makes the most of the contest and doesn’t expend too much energy fluffing around on the outside. Vally had a breakout year in 2009, captaining the D2R side (TK, The Cragg & The B Grade Rockstars) to some success. He was soon shunned to the C Grade when a wave of younger boys came through and continued to represent the club in fine fashion. He was an integral member of the 2010 C-Men Premiership and mentored a fine crop of youngsters through the celebration-phase of the year (on top of each weekend at Bowlies). He missed a fair bit of footy during his London jaunt but has since returned to some form as the current Captain of the Chardonnay Socialists.

In summary, Vally can be proud of his contribution to the club. He has given much and [drop]bared the fruits of joy that the AUFC is capable of delivering. Here’s hoping he can make it to 200!

Player Profile

Full Name:  Anthony Vallelonga
Club Nickname/s:   Vally, Dropbear, Updside inside out
Age: Height: Weight  33, 167cm, 90kg
Guernsey Number:  78
Games Played: Goals Kicked:  136
Junior Footy Club:  South Gawler Lions
Describe yourself as a footballer (In 30 words or less):  Nowadays, slow, unfit, in and under little nugget who occasionally kicks a goal
Favorite Movie: Actor: Rocky's 1-4
Favorite Player Nickname:  The Italian Stallion 'Sylvester Stallone'
Favorite Band or Song:  The Euphejism
Least Favorite Opposition Club:  Goodwood Sinners/ Central Dis-United
Football/Sporting Superstitions:  I don't believe in superstitions
When you were 14, what poster did you have on the back of your bedroom door?  Alicia Silverstone-She was such a babe.
Favourite AFL Club: AFL Player: Port Power/ John Butcher
Of the AUFC players you have played with which Player is? (Must not answer with yourself).             
Smartest: Tom Martin
Dumbest:  Scott Uppington
Funniest:  Simon Lewis
Angriest:  Adam Pearce
Best Looking:  Anthony Butler
Coaches Pet: Luke Rogers
Favorite Player Nickname:  Gaping Wet Cundy
Favorite Player at the Club & Why:  Simon Lewis- he has provided us with so many brilliant stories over the years. I think it goes without saying
Ask yourself a question and answer it:  Howzitgaaaaaan? Howzitgaaaaan Indeeed!!!

Blacks Ball Ticket SALE

You've heard it here first! The first 50 Blacks Ball tickets will be on sale at $75!

CLICK HERE to buy your ticket before the price goes up to $85. 


*Blacks ball tickets will have a staggered pricing structure this year, with ticket prices increasing as we get closer to the event, make sure you purchase your tickets early to avoid paying more than necessary!




Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 10.10.70 defeated Port Red Light District 7.13.55
Goal Kickers: L. Roach 2, W. Paynter 2, S. Paynter, J. Willis, S. Sharley, M. Langridge, N. Langridge, E. Dadds
Best Players: J. Noonan, A. Alesci, S. Paynter, W. Paynter, M. Langridge, M. Taylor
Div 1R (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 12.12.84 defeated Port Red Light District 5.10.40
Goal Kickers: N. Warren 3, E. Hewish 3, T. Davies 2, B. Sanders, H. Crouch, S. Harms, P. Dolan
Best Players: M. Slade, N. Warren, J. Stewart, M. Jamieson, S. Harms, J. Keynes
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp and his C-Men) 7.13.55 defeated by Salisbury NSE&W 12.8.80
Goal Kickers: P. Pedler 2, D. Polkinghorne, L. Parker, J. Fitzgerald, T. Vickery, Z. Turnbull
Best Players: J. Barr, Z. Hambour, H. Rusby, D. Davis, S. Bondio, L. Parker
Div 7R (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 13.8.96 defeated Salisbury NSE&W 2.3.15
Goal Kickers: Q. Daly 3, T. Bowles 2, D. Conier 2, T. Nguyen, R. Sym Choon, J. Harrison, C. Butt, M. Makin, J. Schiller
Best Players: C. Ramsey, D. Conier, M. Makin, T. Nguyen, Q. Daly, M. Veprek
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 16.15.11 defeated Port Red Light District 2.4.16
Goal Kickers: M. Stuart 5, A. Vallelonga 2, W. King 2, D. Byrne, A. Butler, D. Jean, M. Beilby, H. Woods, B. Meier, D. Blyth
Best Players: M. Stuart, D. Byrne, N. Noack, D. Blyth, C. Rohde


Div 1 (The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders) 12.5.77 defeated Mudbury 2.7.19
Goal Kickers: T. Lee 4, K. Harvey 3, K. Barltrop 2, N. Burns 2, N. Collie
Best Players: J. Edwards, J. Power, S. Richardson, K. Harvey, S. Hare Breidahl, S. Watherston
Div 2 (Hollywood and His Rising Stars) 17.16.118 defeated Karl Marx University
Goal Kickers: N. Collie 10, J. Caulfield 5, G. Mills 2
Best Players: N. Collie, E. O''Dea, J. Caulfield, E. Alexander, J. Keipert, A. Cannizzaro


Saturday 25th  June

Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Tarnished Spooners @ Bob Neil #1 1.15pm

Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) v Tarnished Spooners @ Bob Neil #1 11.15am

Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Tarnished Spooners @ Bob Neil #4 (Park 9) 2.15pm

The Kenny Everett Video Show (Div 7R) v Tarnished Spooners @ Bob Neil #4 12.15pm

The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Fos Williams @ Bob Neil #2 10.15am

The B*stards (C3) v Tarnished Spooners @ Bob Neil #1 3.30pm
The Scum (C5) v Tarnished Spooners @ Bob Neil #4 (Park 9) 10.15am
The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders (Open Women’s Div 1) v Angle Fail @ Angle Vale Sports & Community Centre 6.30pm

Sunday 26th June

Hollywood and His Rising Stars (Open Women’s Div 2) v Mount Lofty @ Arkaba Oval – Heathfield 3pm



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2016 A/B Grade Guernsey Numbers

The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.


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