VOLUME 16, 31 JULY 2015
Punishments play an integral part in today’s society. Whether they’re stopping you from swearing at a teacher, taking your pants off in public, or harpooning large water mammals, they shape us as individuals and instill us with a set of core values.
The good thing about punishmentsthough , is that they’re always better when they happen to someone else.
This week, every AUFC team has been benefitted in some shape, way, or form, by the unruly exploits of Salisbury North.
In Div 1, The Showgirls get another important team between them and the dreaded 9th spot. In Div 1R, it means that the Budgie Smugglers get to laugh at the fact that for the first time in a long time, there’s a team on negative premiership points. In C2, it means that the B@stards get a softer finals draw and instead have to play Gepps Cross week 1. Yes, this means they’ll need their tetanus boosters before late August, but they’ll still take it.
If you weren’t aware, they’ve been smashed harder than Shane Watson’s front pad due to a series of misdemeanors that has ticked the league off.
Maybe the angry folk of Salisbury North need to find inner peace. I wonder how they could do that?
Enter AUFC’s resident clairvoyant, snake charmer, and all round weirdo, Ashley Ireland.
Have you ever walked down Rundle Mall and thought “Jesus, there’s a little spot between the crazy man muttering to himself and the man plucking a violin with his eyes shut with an erection. Better sit down and think of my favourite colours!”?
No? You haven’t? Well according to Ashley it’s a fantastic place to meditate. If you want to get in touch with him to ask how to do it, it’s best not to text him. He doesn’t own a mobile phone because the phone signal distorts the positive feng shui that floats in from the South. You’re better off telling a well-trained hummingbird that you are wanting to send a coded message, and hoping he’ll deliver it to him for you.
In between laughing at those less fortunate than us, we’ve almost forgotten to mention BLACKS BALL.
If you haven’t got your outfit sorted out, do it. If you haven’t got your ticket sorted out, do it. If you haven’t got permission from your Missus to miss DVD and snuggles night, do it. It’ll be a fun filled night of dancing, drinking, and singing.
And we promise there won’t be any cricket on.
May Bob Be With You.

Blacks Ball - August 8th - LAST CHANCE


WHERE: The Dom Polski Centre, 230 Angas St, Adelaide
WHEN: Saturday August 8th, from 7pm
DRESS: Swinging 20's, Boardwalk Empire, The Great Gatsby

Online Ticket sales end at 5pm Today!

If you are the last minute type of lass/lad - maybe try to hit up the following Blackers for physical tickets.

Brad Green
Dan Weekly
Will Evans
Ashley Ireland
Courtney Thompson

Below is a pic of Jimmy Mader with a group of mates when they first missed out on the blacks ball in the 1920s. Don't be that person.

Round 17 Fixture

Saturday 8th August

Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Tee Hee Gully @ The Comedy Colosseum (Pertaringa Oval) 2.15pm

Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) v Tee Hee Gully @ The Comedy Colosseum (Pertaringa Oval) 12.15pm

Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Karl Marx University @ The Gulag (Flinders University Sporting Ground) 2.15pm

Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch (Div 7R) Karl Marx University @ The Gulag (Flinders University Sporting Ground) 12.15pm

The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Silver Spooners @ Bob Neil #2 2.15pm

The B*stards (C2) v Pimp Town @ Bob Neil #2 12.15pm
The Scum (C3) v Fos Williams @Fos’ Farm (Camden Oval) 2.15pm
Sunday 9th August
Bob Neil’s Girl Guides v Morphettville Park @ Bob Neil #1 2pm

Uni Greys vs River Murray @ Murray Bridge (Imperials FC, Johnston Park, Adelaide Rd) 1:30pm (report 1pm)
ALL welcome still (any age, any sex, any species), see below Girl Guides giving the Greys a new lease on life in Bob Neil’s first ever Mixed XVIII!


Blacks Look-A-LIKES

Whether it's going in deeeep with a pizza, that kfc and soup diet, up forward or down back. The axis of butler extends very far. Pun intended. 

Adelaide's finest malpractice Doctor Tommy "2 BUCKS" Milton. Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want.

Please send through to football@theblacks.com.au

8/8 Bowlies - Blacks Ball Pre Drinks

Hold Your Bowlies will start at 6:15pm latest before the Blacks Ball.
Not many attend this Bowlies, so you always get a few free drinks to start the night. The ball is walking distance from The Havelock (5mins tops), so it's the perfect starting point.

Get around the pub that supports your club, The General Havelock Hotel


Big congratulations to Nick Spencer AUFC Treasurer and Scum Stalwart for the birth of his 2nd child a future Girl Guide.
And Daniel Polkinghorne for the birth of his 1st, a little girl - Raising a child will be a piece of cake after captaining a team as loose as the C-men (Chloe Rose is tipped to become a future C-Grade Physio)


Talk to Bank SA - Get a Great deal and help out the Mighty Blackers at the same time!! 

The Adelaide University FC & BankSA Home Loan Partnership

For every settled Home Loan that is referred to BanKSA from The Adelaide University Football Club affiliate, i.e. club member or friend, BankSA will pay a commission of 0.40% of the total of the loan directly to the club. That’s $1,000 directly to the club for a home loan of $250,000.
If you’re been thinking about a new place for your home loan – either to get a better rate or it’s just time for a change – then using your home loan to support the club is a great option.
It’s that simple
• The more home loan referrals... the more money BankSA will pay to the club
• 0.40% upfront commission paid at settlement of the home loan
• Unlimited commission potential
Players and Blackers loyalists, please pass this information onto Parents, Family, Friends - talk to Bank SA, get a great deal and help out the Blackers! 

For more information please, contact James on the details below or click here for more information. 

BankSA Partnership contact
James Storer
0481 416 777


Dr Jones & Partners Medical Imaging is proud to be a doctor controlled and operated practice committed to providing the highest quality of diagnostic and interventional radiology services throughout Adelaide and South Australia. We offer a comprehensive range of diagnostic and interventional radiology services including X-ray, CT, MRI, PET, Ultrasound, Mammography, MSK Interventional Procedures and Nuclear Medicine.

Round 16 Results

Round 16 Results
Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 3.9.27 defeated by Payneham Goonians 13.6.86
Goal Kickers: Andrew Alesci 1, Harry Wellington 1, Bradley Watson 1
Best Players: Darcy Bateman, Damian Cunningham, Seb Paynter, Jack Grieger, John Noonan, Nick Beneke

Div 7 (Sexy Pimp & the C-Men) BYE

Div 7Reserves (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) BYE
Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 16.17.113 defeated a Broad’s View 3.1.19
Goal Kickers: Brenton Meier 3, David Blyth 2, Nathan Hallion 2, Anthony Vallelonga 2, Anthony Butler 2, Frazer Hayward 1, Cohen Sulicich 1, Daniel Arkun 1, Callum Rohde 1, Josh Richards 1
Best Players: Brad Cox, Daniel Arkun, Zachary Hambour, Nathan Hallion, Russell Doecke
Div C2 (The B*stards) 8.11.59 defeated Salisbury NSE&W 3.4.22
Goal Kickers: Hugh Woods 3, Jordan Miller-Owen 2, Tom Milton 1, Cameron Gregg 1, Harry Jamieson 1
Best Players: Tom Milton, Hugh Mugford, Hugh Woods, Alexander Bate, Thomas Vickery, Jordan Miller-Owen
Div C3 (The Scum) won by Forfeit.
Open Women’s Div 2 (Bob Neil’s Girl Guides)  14.7.91 defeated Morphetville Park 4.2.26
Goal Kickers: F. Clancey 4, J. Power 2, T. Lee 2, J. Schulz , J. Green , L. Mauceri , K. Holliday , N. Burns , C. Tsoumbris 
Best Players: , C. Thomas , C. Tsoumbris , T. Lee , C. Tucker , M. Wilsdon , T. Nguyen
Match Report of the Week #1

Div 1Reserves (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 2.12.24 drew with Payneham Goonians 3.6.24
Goal Kickers: Sam Pittman 1, Patrick Dolan 1
Best Players: Tom Muecke, Michael Leslie, James Watson, Patrick Dolan, Cameron Slape, Michael Quin
Backing up from an underwhelming but winning performance out at Pokie Park, the Smugglers congregated at a saturated Bob Neil #1 for the 1st of a critical 4 game stretch that dictates where we will finish after the 18 round sh!tfight. Sitting equal 3rd with the Falcons going in, the game figured to be decisive in which team may be able to snare the all-important double chance in finals… so much so that Super Gav caught the red eye all the way back from Darwin Saturday morning to marshal the troops bleary eyed and all. When quizzed about finals, he stared the reporter down and scowled “Finals…? Couldn’t give a rat’s toss bag”.
With Poodle Pittman & Colonel Sanders solid inclusions, the lads were up & about pre game… Slape & Sons ready to bite the heads off live chickens! In what was always going to be a brutal war of attrition in the tough conditions, the Blacks had the better of the play in the first quarter and peppered the big sticks, unlucky to be down at quarter time 0.5 to 1.1. Payneham’s mimicking of the Nathan Basset Norwood premiership game style was obvious with all players within 60m of the prune regardless of where it was on the paddock, creating lots of space up forward to capitalise upon with the sling shot forward. Runner Jamesy was very impressed with Mader Mess of It, igniting a bit of biffo, with the wherewithal to know when the umpire suddenly had his attention, beautifully playing the victim and earning the ‘off the ball’ free kick!
The visitors evened up the balance of play in the 2nd term, and with snags worth their weight in gold slotted a couple, and for the 2nd time this season we went in at half time on our home ground without having raised the twin calicos. Still with more scoring shots, the coaches preached to keep up the manic pressure and same intensity level, and the scoreboard would ultimately take care of itself. Early in the 3rd with a fresh T.W., Dolan Work Don’t Mix who had been courageously hurling his frame into danger where lesser men fear to tread dribbled in our drought breaking sausage roll, and genuine belief permeated across the reservation. We hit ‘lemons’ only 5 points in arrears and the better of the play, and fired up for an inspiring come from behind victory against the odds.
A crazy final quarter had many memorable moments. Spewish Hewish got rare separation from the full back, had an open running ping from 40 that was splitting the middle, with the exception of some brutal late reverse swing reminiscent of Waqar Younis in his pomp. Poodle Pittman marked 35m out, and with the Sherrin now a slippery cake of soap went back to coolly slot the precious snag as the Grandstand crowd found full voice. A chunky Falcon burst through the 50 and had a long straight ping at the big ones. Outrageously Merky Waters was practically tackled to the ground front on while trying to get a fingernail to it on the goal line… the central maggot having none of it with no free kick… equally as outrageously the goal umpire signalling touched ball in an “evener upperer” as they went up by a crucial point. The mighty Blacks forced a couple of crucial points themselves to hit the lead for the first time in the match at the 18 minute mark, even the great man Bob Neil admitting he picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue and couldn’t look on at the final 4 minutes.
The aggot travelled manically up and down the ground, and with a minute to go was at the Payneham 50m line. Jamesy screamed at all 18 blokes to get behind the play, but a surge forward and quick snap levelled the scores at 24 points apiece. Before the kick-in could take place, Ray Ashwood fired the siren as 36 blokes slumped in exhaustion in that weird feeling where there are no winners or losers. “Like kissing your sister” as they say, as we tried to break it down. Would we have been lucky to win after being down for 84 minutes? Were we unlucky not to win having been ahead with less than a minute left? None of our 12 points were from howling misses. It was allimmaterial, 1 premiership point was certainly better than none, and importantly we were still ahead of Payneham on the ladder.
The post game was understandably a little eerie, but many positives to be taken. To come back after playing catch up all game was a mighty effort. Merky Waters, Les Bian and Jimmy Watson were immense in defence, Dolan & Tim May slick with no fumbling, with usual suspects Slape & Sons, Dr Quin & Kermit Green lion hearted all afternoon. We will miss big Flads next week with a hammy, the post game showering crew relieved not to be made inferior where their mere mortal junior burgers won’t be competing with a double quad burger upsized! Next stop, Tee Hee Gully up at Perteringa, part 2 of our 4 week odyssey.

Match Report of the Week #2

AUFC 16 17 (113) def Broadview 3 1 (19)
Goal Kickers: B. Meier 3, N. Hallion 2, A. Butler 2, A. Vallelonga 2, D. Blyth 2, C. Sulicich , C. Rohde , F. Hayward , D. Arkun , J. Richards
Best Players: , B. Cox , D. Arkun , Z. Hambour , N. Hallion , R. Doecke

All signs were pointing to a percentage-boosting win this weekend against a lowly Broadview outfit at Prostitute Park. Caretaker coach (N) Heath announced midweek “we could smash them playing with only our left hand and left foot”…at times, it looked as if this was the case.
For the second time this season it seemed we were destined for a West Coast Eagles inspired ball-less warm up, not that there was much enthusiasm to leave the warmth of the changerooms. The mood was particularly jovial pre-game. The Redback Jean was strutting his brand new boots (with tag on) across the artificial turf posing as carpet, while the House Husband was cracking jokes aplenty; clearly relishing arriving to games with a *considerable increase* in sleeping hours since the closing of his bar.
*some sleep

A slow start to the game ensued; A Broads View kicked the first 2 goals of the game. It took the best part of the first quarter to get our running game up and going, as errant handballs and a lack of numbers at the contest stifled our ball movement. Jeano looked spritely before bringing himself off; “"Heater, I'm right to go back on when the rain stops". ‘Studs’ Cox made an instant impact in his new role as hit-to rover.

The game opened up after the break and the Chards peppered the goals (with behinds, for the most part). Coxy continued his dominance around the ground, defying the laws of gravity by staying predominantly on his feet in his infamous sprigless boots/leather socks.  
The rain stopped but the football remained at an ugly standard.
The Chardonnays now look ahead to a big weekend comprising of The Long Lunch, Friday Night Footy at BN#3, The Blacks Ball and hopefully a forfeited game against SPOC *fingers crossed*.

 Lookalike of the week.

For all other Match Reports visit the Bob Neil Website:


50 Shades of Snooze

SATURDAY - get on the Snooze express ladies and gentleman next stop paradise.   

SUNDAY - He doesn't even want to be at the Wheaty on a Sunday afternoon.

MONDAY Snooze doing what he does best. Snoooozin in public.



Jamieson to take European Babes Surfing

The Webster’s dictionary on Crisp banter Max “shirts off” Jamieson after a belting Womabats show last week embarked on the journey that would leave him to the Duke’s exchange student night. Entering the fortress of heaven as he describes – one could hear accents everywhere, and nothing less than a Swedish 7 for eyes to see. Max in his endeavors told all the foreigners that he was in fact Lockie Leonard  (as seen below the resemblance is uncanny) and had mad surfing skills bro. He told 4 foreigners that he would take them for the ride of their life - referring to today’s upcoming surf experience where he is taking the foreigners for a "surfing lesson". We wish Max well on his endeavors today and hope that watching all those reruns of lockie leonard lately has taught you how to surf mate.  Max is also accompanied today by the infamous wingman Fritch Mancis. 


Balaklava Cup with Daryl Braithwaite - DISCOUNTED TICKETS FOR BLACKERS


Flick of the Week

No Country For Old Men

This Year the club has witnessed an influx of young guns stamp their authority in the higher grades. With Sam Penniment, Damon Robinson, Harry Wellington, Jackson Dearing, Aidan Offe and Harrison Gloyne all contributing to the group of promising of rising stars, the club is soon becoming 'no country for old men' like Jimmy Mader. This weekends Blacks Ball will give the older battlers a chance for  to teach the young kids a few things.

A/B Grade Guernsey Numbers

The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.


Get around the Blacks LinkedIn page. 

Click here or on the above image to get at the PAGE. 


Please send through to football@theblacks.com.au


The TEAMS for the Weekend.

*PS we endeavour to be perfect, but the teams may not be up by the time you receive this email. Click to view.

Black Jack & The Showgirls​

SuperGav & the Budgie Smugglers

Sexy Pimp & his C-Men

Cal Reid's Team Needs a Name

The Chardonnay Socialists

The B@stards


Round Date Opponent Venue
1 18/04/15 Rostrevor OC Cambelltown Memorial Oval
2 25/04/15 Sacred Heart OC University Oval
3 02/05/15 Portland Port Reserve
4 09/05/15 Henley University Oval
5 16/05/15 Salisbury North University Oval
6 23/05/15 Payneham NU Payneham Oval
7 30/05/15 Tea Tree Gully University Oval
8 13/06/15 Goodwood Saints Goodwood Oval
9 20/06/15 Port District Largs Reserve
10 27/06/15 Rostrevor OC University Oval
11 11/07/15 Portland University Oval
12 18/07/15 Henley Henley Memorial Oval
13 25/07/15 Salisbury North Salisbury North Oval
14 01/08/15 Payneham NU University Oval
15 08/08/15 Tea Tree Gully Pertaringa Oval
16 15/08/15 Goodwood Saints University Oval
17 22/08/15 Sacred Heart OC Sacred Heart Senior College
18 29/08/15 Port District University Oval











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