VOLUME 38, 15 JULY 2016
A much better week for the mighty AUFC where we won 6 out of 8 matches which equates to an exam result that not many of you would be familiar with. The dreaded uni holidays are nearly over which is a relief to Snakehips Butler as he has been quadrupling up with matches these past few weeks. The man stores football talent in his hips like a camel stores water in its hump.

Before we get into the weekly wrap up, yours truly has been put on notice for offending some our sensitive brethren down at the Henley Football Club. Apparently Henley is so secure and confident in its players that we are no longer allowed to refer to them as Henley on Dr. Uggs because everybody knows that the best way to divert attention from a problem is to make a big song and dance about it and get angry. Yep, definitely no internal issues down at Henley who have requested we give them a more 'appropriate' nickname. I think the Henley Sharts (or Shards??) is a much more fitting way to describe an embarrassing mess that is a stain on the SAAFL.   

Anyway, onto the results where the Blacks performed a clean sweep of Ugley, winning 4/4 against the latest club to buy its way into Div 1. Meanwhile Bob Neil #2 saw both the B@stards and the Scum take on some Very Old Ignatians with the Scum once again failing by holding on for a 6 point victory.

We have a new supercoach contender in the Postie, who lead her Dead Letter Office Raiders to victory in a nailbiting game against Giggle Farm. The Office Raiders snatched victory from the jaws of defeat to win 24.12.156 to 0.0.0. Unfortunately the goalfest didn't continue for the Rising Stars who kicked a brave 0.7 to go down to Mounted Barker 1.5.11 in what must have been a truly enthralling match of footy. At least it was more entertaining than Brisbane v Gold Coast.

This week sees the Showgirls and Budgie Smugglers trotting out to Goon Park to duel with the Collingwood of the SAAFL, the Payneham Goonians. The Chards take on Sacred Fart out at Stink Stadium whilst the Pimp and Kenny Everett get main oval honours this week against Saint Palsy.

You know that player numbers are down when Rocky is dragged out of retirement to coach the B@stards against North Haven for Homeless. He will be in (good?) company next to Bunny Warren at the Largs North Lockup.

Bob Neil 1 will be firing on all cylinders on Sunday too as the Office Raiders and the Rising Stars have a double header against Poor-t Adelaide with ceremonies kicking-off at 12:30 sharp. The quality of AFL matches scheduled for Sunday is well below-average so come out and see some REAL footy at glorious Bob Neil 1 and imbibe a few of the cheapest beers in the city.
Good luck to all teams this week,

Go Blacks

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Match Report

100th Game for Heartbreaker Hewish

AUFC always seem to organize special milestones for its heroes, B grade skipper Heartbreak Hewish played his 100th game on the same weekend as his 25th birthday, a lethal combo!

The Finishers were coming off two disappointing losses against Henley Sharts and the tarnished spooners and needed to get a win on the board to ensure finishing in a top 3 position. It was a danger match with the usual Uni holidays meaning the finishers were off trying to finish in Europe or have a home cooked meal back home. It wasn’t until 2 hours before the game that the Smugglers had a full list with Jayath JBone putting his hand up to play on the back of a week long Unigames bender, how good is Uni games.. Along with 3 Chards making up the team the boys had to step up.

There was a good feeling before the game, the lads all knew the task ahead and were inspired by Hewish’s pre game speech where he discussed how much he loved the club and was proud to be leading his boys. The Finishers started the game off well with the breeze, Anthony KFC Butler using it to his advantage up forward, when I say forward I mean he literally didn’t leave the goal square forward, if he kicked straight he could’ve had 7 though! The Finishers strong defence held up once again with Keynes, Hamish and Radford nullifying the opposition. The boys fought hard all day and managed to kick awa7y in the last half earning them a well-deserved 39-point win. Max Coaches Pet Parker back to career best form.

The song was sung with extra triumph for the win and the skippers 100th game. Was surprised he fit in the circle with the size of his ego. It was next onto wine, cheese and bad suit day where all the boys got involved and were an imposing vocal force on the far wing of bobneil 1. JP was heard saying the Smugglers really got the A’s over the line! Plenty of good memories for all involved. T-Shirt, T-shirt, T-Shirt.

Next the Smugglers ventured into the alpine village for some mulled wine before Bowlies. Harry and Hewish rode a camel while Doug Radford had so much wine he thought he was on ice skates! Bowlies was great! 6 schooners in 20 minutes for Hewish’s 100th meant he quickly disappeared to the bathroom like Radford. It was then on to Super Cal in bad suits and skivvies to see what was on offer there. Hewish had a birthday wine tour the next morning where Harry continued celebrations in the same bad suit he left Fats in.
Overall it was a brilliant weekend for the Finishers with a great week of training leading into tomorrow’s game the boys have some momentum building. Get around us!


Coming up on July 30 our generous sponsor pub is hosting a Clubs Night where all the other sporting clubs that are sponsored by the Havey get to come along for a very special HYB hosted by none other than the Pup himself.

Drinks specials will be available all night so lets make this one a ripper and scare the absolute bejeezus out of the non-AUFC players.





Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 8.11-59 defeated Ugley 5.6-36
Goal Kickers: L. Roach 2, D. Cunningham 2, J. Noonan, E. Dadds, T. Walker, S. Sharley
Best Players: L. Roach, M. Taylor, J. Schulz, J. Noonan, T. Walker, A. Alesci
Div 1R (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 13.14-92 defeated Ugley 8.5-53
Goal Kickers: L. Parker 3, A. Butler 3, B. Robinson 2, E. Moore 2, D. Blyth, M. Leslie, E. Hewish
Best Players: M. Parker, N. Warren, M. Slade, L. Parker, E. Moore, D. Smith
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp and his C-Men) 18.12-120 defeated Ugley 8.5-53
Goal Kickers: C. Lane 4, D. Jean 3, D. Polkinghorne 2, S. Harris 2, J. Barr 2, P. Hyde 2, D. Trezise, D. Davis, J. Cmrlec
Best Players: S. Nankivell, J. Barr, D. Coughlan, T. Vickery, D. Jean, Z. Turnbull
Div 7R (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 13.17-95 defeated Ugley 7.1-43
Goal Kickers: T. Bowles 4, E. Bobyn 2, K. Green 2, Q. Daly, N. Ivic, R. Laidlaw, A. Vasek, M. Freeman
Best Players: R. Laidlaw, D. Conier, D. Mates, T. Bowles, M. Veprek, J. Schiller

Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) BYE
Div C3 (The B@stards) 2.4-16 defeated by Some Very Old Ignatians 9.11-65
Goal Kickers: M. Reid, N. Shopov
Best Players: N. Shopov, E. Verco, T. Bell, M. Reid, M. MacIntyre, T. Chalk
Div C5 (The Scum) 7.4-46 defeated Some Very Old Ignatians 6.4-40
Goal Kickers: P. Malinauskas 2, N. Lawrence, S. Philpot, J. Richards, D. Weekley, M. Heath
Best Players: D. Weekley, B. Linford, A. Karas, A. Trevarrow, N. Lawrence, M. Varvounis


Div 1 (The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders) 24.12-156 defeated Giggle Farm 0.0-0
Goal Kickers: T. Lee 7, S. Ford 5, S. Richardson 5, G. Mills 3, J. Lee 2, J. Power, J. Edwards
Best Players: J. Power, S. Richardson, J. Edwards, S. Watherston, W. Benson
Div 2 (Hollywood and His Rising Stars) 0.7-7 defeated by Mount Barker 1.5-11
Best Players:E. O''Dea, J. Keipert, A. Cannizzaro, C. Thomas, H. Beale, S. Holliday


Saturday 16th July

Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Payneham Goonians @ Goon Park 2.15pm

Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) Payneham Goonians @ Goon Park 12.15pm

Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Saint Paul @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm

The Kenny Everett Video Show (Div 7R) v Saint Paul @ Bob Neil #1 12.15pm

The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v Sacred Fart @ Stink Stadium 12:15pm

The B*stards (C3) v North Haven for Homeless @ Largs North Lockup 2.15pm
The Scum (C5) v North Haven for Homeless @ Largs North Lockup 12.15pm

Sunday 17th July

The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders (Open Women’s Div 1) Port Adelaide @ Bob Neil #1 2:30pm

Hollywood and His Rising Stars (Open Women’s Div 2) v Port Adelaide @ Bob Neil #1 12;30pm


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2016 A/B Grade Guernsey Numbers

The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.


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