VOLUME 37, 9 JULY 2016
Welcome back for another weekly fix of all things AUFC. With only 3 teams out of 8 winning again this week it is clear that there were other things on players minds last Saturday, important decisions for the future that deeply affected the thinking university footballer. Questions such as "how many beers can I drink for $75?" and "what time does the Salvos shut today? I hope they have that pastel-blue safari suit I've been looking for?" as well as deep philosophical questions such as "what happens if we get banned from the sponsor pub?"
Yes last Saturday night was the 2016 Blacks Ball, hosted by our great friends at the Havelock Hotel. The bouncers were given double their regular dosage of Xanax and were on their best behaviour as the ladies and gentlemen of the AUFC turned up in their finest 70s attire to boogie the night away.  As we are all aware, what happens at AUFC events, stays at AUFC events (unless it's reallllllly funny, then we don't mind) so there is no need to elaborate on the shenanigans that were had at Bob Neil's 21st birthday last week. Let's just say that the free love vibes of the 70s were flowing with gusto.
As for the results from last round, the Showgirls and the Budgie Smugglers fought valiantly against Henley on Drugs but once again the Chardonnays stole the show, registering the only win at Henley Oval last week. Anthony 'Snakehips' Butler was on fire again with a 7 goal haul whilst Black Sheep Katsaros made an understated return to the Blacks kicking 2 goals himself and polling in the votes. After maybe taking too much Henley on Drugs and venturing out to PAOC for the start of the year, I wish I could say that it's nice to have him back but it's not so I won't.
The less said about the Scum and B@stards' venture north of the Wall, the better. The Scum were able to at least register multiple goals against the Tee Hees whilst the B@stards were completely overrun by an undefeated Tee Hee side. The Tee Hees had the unfair advantage of not losing half their teams to the notorious exam and uni holiday period because 'university' and 'exam' don't form part of their vocabulary. There was a rumour going around that one of the Tee Hee players in the C3 team was the first person ever to kick a goal for Greater Western Sydney – from AFL to C3 SAAFL in the space of a few years. That's a heavier comedown than what Benny Cousins goes through the week after Stereosonic (R.I.P.)
There was some better news at Bob Neil 1 though with the C-Men and the Brady Bunch banishing Central-link from the main oval just in time for them to race home and angrily elect Pauline Hanson to the Senate. In the women's divisions the Office Raiders had a hard game against the bye and the Rising Stars absolutely pummelled North Pines for a Hit by a cheeky 75 points.
This week sees the senior grades hosting the Ugley Jets at Bob Neil 1 with the C-Men and the Video Show heading out to face Ugley @ Ugley Oval. On Bob Neil 2 the B@stards and Scum are in need of some redemption against Very Old Ignatians whilst on Sunday the Office Raiders duke it out with Pringle Farm at Rowe Park at 3pm and the Rising Stars mount Barker at Able Storage Oval, also at 3pm.
Lots of footy to be watched this weekend so get out and see as much of it as you can!
See you at the Havey,
Go Blacks


Brigid “The Celtic Warrior Princess” Morgan – 50 Games

(first female to reach this milestone)

Brigid came to the club for the inaugural season of Women’s football at The Blacks in 2013, after spending a number of seasons being a loyal player out at Graeme Kellett Reserve for Alcopop’s Playground.
Although Alcopop’s Playground was at the top, and The Blacks were new to the competition, the move was an easy decision for the stoic defender. Game time had been limited at her former home, but Brigid quickly became a permanent fixture for The Girl Guides.
Playing with tenacity and determination, even though the scoreline was regularly against the side in the first season, Brigid became quickly known for being at the bottom of the pack, and for her banshee howls at unaware forwards as they took their shot for goal (and ended up kicking sideways).

In 2015, Brigid was a pivotal member in the Premiership success for The Girl Guides, always keeping her opponent accountable. Although not being on the field for the final, she was one of the first players to be recognized post-game by the other girls in helping reach the wholly grail.

And with the formation of a second Women’s team for The Blacks in 2016, Brigid has continued to share her experience with the newer members of the club, deciding to focus on assisting these newbies in the Division 2 side to develop.
A great achievement by The Celtic Warrior Princess in becoming the first female to reach the 50 game milestone for the club, and here’s to her pushing on towards triple figures.
Full Name:  Brigid Morgan
Club Nickname/s:   The Celtic Warrior Princess
Age: Height:  26; 152cm
Guernsey Number:  17
Games Played: Goals Kicked:  49; 0
Junior Footy Club:  n/a
Describe yourself as a footballer (In 30 words or less):  Determined. Not afraid to take on players that are bigger than me (pretty much everyone)
Favorite Movie: Actor:  10 Things I Hate About You; Jennifer Lawrence
Favorite Band or Song:  You Need Me, I Don't Need You (by Ed Sheeran)
Least Favorite Opposition Club:  Alcopop’s Playground
Football/Sporting Superstitions:  n/a
When you were 14, what poster did you have on the back of your bedroom door?  Crows team poster
Favourite AFL Club: AFL Player:  Adelaide Crows; Rory Sloane
Of the AUFC players you have played with which Player is? (Must not answer with yourself). Smartest: Courtney Thomas
Dumbest:  Taylor Nelson
Funniest:  Erin Hennessy
Angriest:  Suzanne Holliday
Best Looking:  Laura Kenyon
Coaches Pet: Thi Thy Nguyen
Favorite Player Nickname:  Fifty Shades of Grey
Favorite Player at the Club & Why:  Nicola Burns; class act on and off the field
Ask yourself a question and answer it:  Most memorable game for the club? When we beat Pooraka for our 1st win. We didn't get the points because we had to forfeit due to lack of numbers, but it was a win to us. We beat them by over 10 goals with less players on the field. We were up by a fair margin when we were told we'd have to forfeit. Despite this the whole team showed amazing character and went back out to finish the job.

Elliot "Heartbreak" Hewish - 100 Games

"Kick it to me! I'm so much stronger than my opponent!"

"Touch me, I'm real!"

"I've never seen someone handball out of the square from a kickout so I thought I could!"

"I'm getting too much female attention. I think I should shave my moe."

All these and much much more are quotes from the greatest man Elliot knows.....himself. He is self-confidence personified. We're talking about a bloke who once shaved his whole body just to get a knee strapped. A guy who left a night club on football trip to change his shirt because he felt it was a mistake to wear a button up and felt like he should have chosen a T-shirt.

Elliot has come a long way from being an overweight, self proclaimed "wog boy" playing soccer. While he switched codes he's never realised that in football he actually has to pick up the ball. .

Known variously as Heartbreak Hewish, Ellio, Shallow Hal, Headlock Hewish, The Pav and sometimes just plain old Pooish, it has been an absolute pleasure to play with Elliot. In all seriousness, as much as it pains me to say, he is the kind of guy you can build a team around. Make sure someone is there to chair him off on Saturday because no doubt he will demand it anyway!



Full Name:

 Elliot Shane Hewish

Club Nickname/s: 

 Headlock Hewish, Heartbreak Hewish, Mexican, Filth, Hewy, Smelliot Spewish, Skip

Age: Height: Weight

 25 (yesterday), 188cm, 86kg

Guernsey Number:


Games Played: Goals Kicked:

 100, 67

Junior Footy Club:

 Lockleys North (Soccer)

Describe yourself as a footballer (In 30 words or less):

 Creative, dangerous utility that was kept down back too long, would’ve played for the crows had he not played soccer till 18.

Favourite Movie: Actor:

 Interstellar, Brett Lee and Kevin Spacey…

Favourite Player Nickname:

 Tommy 2 bucks, being there for its origins makes it.

Favourite Band or Song:

Vampire Weekend, Flume

Least Favourite Opposition Club:


Football/Sporting Superstitions:

 Get a few rub downs before every training and game, thanks Annabelle

When you were 14, what poster did you have on the back of your bedroom door?

Crows 97 Team Photo, Could be still there…

Favourite AFL Club: AFL Player:

Adelaide Crows. Andrew Mcleod Tony Modra

Of the AUFC players you have played with which Player is? 
Best Looking:
Coaches Pet: 





Henry Wilson’s Favourite:

Jackson 99.95 Dearing
Jack Keynes
Jayath Vindinage 
Doug Radford
Anthony Butler
Max Parker not Lewis, ask Mick O’Leary

Matthew Slade

Swincer the Mincer

Grumpy Matt Allan

Brant Pidgeon Ellis

Haymo Hammerhead Crouch

Best sledge:

Back at school. An opposition players nickname was Cowboy, Chris Toumpas, Jimmy’s older brother, exclaimed “Do they call you cowboy because you ride the C!#k hard?” The umpire sent him off.

Favourite Player at the Club & Why:

Harry Jamieson. Does Everything he can on and off the field for all teams.

Ask yourself a question and answer it:

Are you a better captain and forward than Taylor Walker? Yes

My first experience of the club was playing a trial game for the Chards, I left my boots in the change rooms so came back to get them and I was greeted with a naked Dirty. He cornered me on a bench drying his back after his shower “right in front of me”, fair to say I was scarred for life and is probably the reason I like a few beers in the showers with the boys! Many people have contributed to my time here and I’m thankful for all their efforts. Butler, the Chards and C-grade for starting my journey off right and then the B-grade for giving me the best moments of my life on and off the field. Major highlights: C grade footy trips, B grade footy trips and B grade Grandfinal 2012! My best mates have come from those experiences. #PLFL you know who you are!

I am thoroughly enjoying my football at the moment, Cragg and the finishers have a lot of potential on and off the field and I look forward to the rest of the season. I am proud to play with this club and all its players. It has given me so much, best friends, memories, a flag and now a career. To all you young guys, get involved as much as you can, you won’t regret it!



You may notice something different about Bob Neil 1 this week, something almost imperceptible but real. Is the sun shining brighter? Is the oval greener? Have the chirping birds of the uni parklands always sounded so sweet? Why are there 50 cars parked behind the grandstand?

Yes, as you may or may not know we are without Boz for the next few weeks as he travels to the U.S of A. on holiday. The official explanation for Boz's protracted overseas trip is that he is on a "study visit" of Harvard University.

But the truth is out there. It will set you free. Are you ready? Boz Maloney isn't going to America for a nice holiday...he is actually Donald Trump's campaign manager and is needed right now for some quality advice in the lead up to the November elections. Who else but the Boz can stir up such misguided emotion and angry vitriol at the mere mention of his name?

It all makes sense now doesn't it??




Coming up on July 30 our generous sponsor pub is hosting a Clubs Night where all the other sporting clubs that are sponsored by the Havey get to come along for a very special HYB hosted by none other than the Pup himself.

Drinks specials will be available all night so lets make this one a ripper and scare the absolute bejeezus out of the non-AUFC players.

More info to follow, watch this space





Div 1 (Black Jack & the Showgirls) 6.4.40 defeated by Henley on Drugs 7.10.52
Goal Kickers: S. Sharley 3, L. Antoniadis, L. Roach, M. Swift
Best Players: T. Walker, A. Alesci, L. Roach, J. Schulz, J. Grieger, S. Sharley 
Div 1R (Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers) 8.6.54 defeated by Henley on Drugs 12.10.82
Goal Kickers: T. Davies 3, E. Hewish 2, B. Sanders, M. Jameison, D. Smith
Best Players: M. Jamieson, J. Keynes, M. Slade, S. Harms, E. Moore, L. Parker
Div 7 (Sexy Pimp and his C-Men) 13.9.87 defeated Central-link 12.6.78
Goal Kickers: J. McKenna 5, A Frith 4, J. Gambell, N. Addison, C. Wegener
Best Players: B. Fuller, R. Collins, R. McMillan, J. Daley
Div 7R (Robert Reid and the Brady Bunch) 12.7.79 defeated Central-link 5.7.37
Goal Kickers: M. Purcell 4, R. Challen
Best Players: J. Burt, M. Purcell, M. Broadbent, R. Haronen, R. Challen

Div C1 (The Chardonnay Socialists) 18.8.116 defeated Henley on Drugs 8.6.54
Goal Kickers: A. Butler 7, M. Stuart 3, N. Katsaros 2, N. Noack 2, D. Byrne, R. Calley, B. Lewis, C. Rhode
Best Players: N. Noack, A. Butler, C. Rhode, P. Hyde, D. Jean, N. Katsaros
Div C3 (The B@stards) 1.1.7 defeated by Tee Hee Gully 25.12.162
Goal Kickers: F. Thomson
Best Players: T. Bell, A. Bate, T. Nurthen, T. Chalk, N. Shopov
Div C5 (The Scum) 5.4.34 defeated by Tee Hee Gully 16.11.107
Goal Kickers: P. Malinauskas 2, H. Mugford, T. Turner, A. Karas
Best Players: B. Linford, N. Lawrence, S. Lawrence, J. Richards, A. Karas, P. Malinauskas


Div 1 (The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders) BYE 
Div 2 (Hollywood and His Rising Stars) 14.6.90 defeated North Pines for a Win 2.3.15
Goal Kickers: N. Collie 6, H. Beale 2, L. Mauceri 2, S. Lim-Hussain, L. White, T. Ruediger, L. Ingle-Finch
Best Players: H. Beale, N. Collie, R. King, E. Tromans, E. Alexander, M. Galic


Saturday 9th July

Black Jack & the Showgirls (Div 1) v Ugley Jets @ Bob Neil #1 2.15pm

Super Gav and the Budgie Smugglers (Div 1R) v Ugley Jets@ Bob Neil #1 12.15pm

Sexy Pimp and the C-Men (Div 7) v Ugley Jets @ Ugley Oval (Kingswood Oval) 2.15pm

The Kenny Everett Video Show (Div 7R) v Ugley Jets @ Ugley Oval (Kingswood Oval) 12.15pm

The Chardonnay Socialists (C1) v BYE

The B*stards (C3) v Very Old Ignations @ Bob Neil #2 12.15pm
The Scum (C5) v Very Old Ignations @ Bob Neil #2 10.15am

Sunday 10th July

The Postie and Her Dead Letter Office Raiders (Open Women’s Div 1) v Ingle Farm @ Rowe Park 3pm
Hollywood and His Rising Stars (Open Women’s Div 2) v Mount Barker @ Able Storage Oval 3pm


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2016 A/B Grade Guernsey Numbers

The A and B grade playing list (with Guernsey Numbers) is available here for those who have requested player numbers when attending games. There are a number of players moving in and out of these teams but we have done our best to cover most players. However, we do apologise if this is not all encompassing of the potential Div 1 playing squad.


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