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Weekly updates on sociopath abuse awareness and trauma recovery.
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Paula's Pontification's Newsletter

July 8, 2014
Volume 1, Issue 1

Welcome!

Welcome to the first issue of Paula's Pontifications Newsletter. It has been two years since I published my novelette, Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath. In those two years, I have learned a lot about myself, about what survivors need for successful recovery, and about the value of disseminating information across platforms, so more and more folks who need the information can find it. I hope you will file your newsletter emails in a special inbox folder for future review, share them with friends, and sign up to receive the newsletter if you haven't already. I love feedback, constructive criticism, and any insight you can offer to make this experience more valuable for you and others. So contact me anytime.

In this issue...
Peace. Thanks. Namaste!
~Paula Carrasquillo, writer at Paula's Pontifications

Issue Feature

Writing Your Story is “Heart Medicine”

I am a big supporter of writing and sharing our stories. For me, writing served as therapy and as a tool to discovery. Many times, in the middle of writing an entry, I remembered something that my mind had previously tried to shield. More often than not, these remembrances, these memory recalls, proved triggering.

As the triggers washed over me, my writing took on a frantic and needy quality, as if I could not stop writing until my mind made sense of what it had uncovered. As the flow of words slowed and ease, so did my mind. A feeling of relief and peace passed over me with each entry I published to my blog.

Needless to say, writing can be a very cathartic process.

Many readers and survivors have contacted me over the past two years asking for tips and advice on how to start writing their stories. Outside of simply recommending to be gentle with themselves and to “just start writing,” I had nothing solid to share.

Fortunately, a friend and mentor does have something solid to share…

Kate Bartolotta, whom I met as a writer and editor apprentice for an online literary magazine last spring, recently wrote and published her first book: Heart Medicine: write your story; heal your heart.

Kate infuses Heart Medicine with musings on her writing process and guides readers to discover their own unique writing and creative approach to self-expression.

From determining the type of storyteller you are to understanding the importance of finding your “tribe,” Heart Medicine is designed to get you writing before you finish reading the epilogue. Really and actually, because each chapter consists of simple writing prompts designed to encourage you to tap into your unknown and valuable writing resources and creativity.

Heart Medicine encourages and empowers you to realize that writing your story does not need to be an activity you fear or distrust. Kate emphasizes the importance of self-trust and self-awareness as you write and when you share what you have written. She explains the value in feedback, even the feedback you least want to receive.

Most importantly, Heart Medicine will motivate you to start writing your story, a story in which you and you alone are the hero.

Order Heart Medicine today!

P.S. I recommend ordering the paperback, not the e-book, so you can use it as a notebook and carry it with you and write directly in the book when your spirit moves you.

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Recovery Tip

Why You DO NOT Want to Break NC

Maintaining no contact (NC) is vital to recovery. The sooner you can implement NC, the sooner you can start to heal. Unfortunately, we each get tempted to break NC, because we are desperate for answers we never received.

Reaching out to the sociopath will inevitably harm you. The sociopath will do 1 of 4 things:

1. Ignore you, causing you to question yourself more. (Stonewall/Silent Treatment)

2. Respond to you with hate and contempt, causing you to question yourself more. (Persecution)

3. Respond to you with feigned concern, telling you that you’re sick and need professional help, causing you to question yourself even more. (Savior Complex)

4. Respond to you with a weak apology and love bombing to suck you back in, causing you to question yourself more. (Pity Party)

All of these responses give the sociopath power and control over you. The sociopath feeds off of your desperation.

Read more FAQs for Recovery.

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Easy Self-Care

Hot Towel Scrub

Never feel ashamed or selfish for taking the time to care for you! If you ignore your basic emotional, spiritual, and physical needs; you are not available 100% to take care of your children, to take care of your beloved pets, to take care of your job requirements, and/or to take care of your living space.

I encourage everyone to begin a ritual of self-care. Start with easy and inexpensive luxuries. I love pampering myself with a hot towel scrub in the mornings and evenings.

Benefits of a hot towel scrub:

  • Calms the mind at night
  • Re-energizes the mind and body in the morning
  • Activates the lymphatic system
  • Reduces muscle tension
  • Opens the pores to release toxins

What you'll need:

  • Medium-sized washcloth/towel
  • Hot water

Body scrubbing can be done before or after your bath/shower or anytime during the day. Scrub for two minutes to 20 minutes, depending on the amount of time you have. The process of the hot towel scrub has a deeper physical, mental, and emotional effect when done at the sink as opposed to in the shower.

  1. At the sink, run your washcloth under hot water, reheating it often throughout the process.
  2. Wring out the towel and immediately begin to massage your skin gently with the towel, beginning with your hands and working up to your face and then down through your abdomen, buttocks, legs and feet.
  3. Massage and scrub until the skin becomes slightly pink or until each body part becomes warm.

Moisturize with your favorite lotion or oil. I like cocoa butter for my body and just started using Mythic Elixir oil for my face.

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Plan Ahead

Halloween is just around the corner. Take action and start planning your Red Riding Hood Project costume.

Silent No More

Check out the personal stories shared by survivors on the blog page Identifying a Sociopath.

Retreats/Conferences

Fellow survivors make the greatest friends. Stay tuned for future events designed just for us by us!
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