Weekly updates on sociopath abuse awareness and trauma recovery.
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Love. Life. Om.
Healing & Recovery Newsletter

Volume 1, Issue 6
September 11, 2014


Welcome to issue 6 of what I am now referring to as the Love.Life.Om Newsletter. I hope you find the information valuable and applicable to your healing and recovery needs.

In this issue...
~Paula Carrasquillo, author of Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath

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Is "victim blaming" a tip off to psychopathy?

by Joyce M. Short, author of Carnal Abuse by Deceit

Look around. The news is full of discussions about people who sustain injury through the wrongful actions of others, and people who defend offenders by blaming the victim. It’s an all-too-common theme.
Entertainer Cee-Lo Green made recent headlines when charged with rape for surreptitiously dosing a woman with ecstasy. Was he repentant? Of course, not.  He actually claimed that there is no such thing as rape when it comes to the unconscious. I guess if someone stole his wallet while he was sleeping, it would not be a crime. 

Even though the criminal nature of his actions, to which he pleaded “no contest,” is obvious to most empathetic human beings, the internet is buzzing with those who malign the victim on the blogs and tweets surrounding the incident that express Green’s subsequent justifications.

Nude selfies of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton were hacked over the weekend and distributed to a predatory public through “The Fappening” on Reddit, an internet community for viewing “adult content.” Who’s to blame? According to much of the internet universe, it’s the insufficient cyber security of the victims, conveying the attitude: beef it up girls or suffer the consequences. 

Even a New Jersey Judge, John Tomasello, in the recent request for a restraining order against convicted bigamist and pedophile, William Allen Jordan, heaped the blame for sexual assault on his latest victim, Mischele Lewis.  Tomasello assailed Lewis for being “gullible” and minimized the defilement she felt by stating that Allen’s conduct was no different than the actions of the universe of college students. The fact that when college students lie and use duplicity to seduce a victim, it’s defilement was nowhere in Tomasello’s realm of concern.

People who are unable to relate to the pain of others are psychopaths. They lack affective empathy, the crucial key to developing conscience. Without conscience the only mitigation to prevent them from harming and distorting to achieve their goals is fear of exposure or fear of punishment. We don’t need to wait until a psychopath harms us to identify their callous spirit. We can see it in how they view the world around them.

Before losing your heart to a person who overwhelms your senses with charm, keep a watchful eye on how they relate to world events and whether they've lived a life of caring and concern toward society. People who can’t relate to the suffering of others can’t form loving bonds. They are only capable of pretending to do so for personal gain. 

Further reading:

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Domestic violence defined

Taken from the National Domestic Violence Hotline website

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. 

It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating.  Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time.

NDVH uses the Power & Control Wheel to describe most accurately what occurs in an abusive relationship. Visit the website for NDVH to learn more and download useful information and resource materials to share.

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4-7-8 Breath Work

Pranayama (breath work) to reduce and neutralize stress

When in stressful situations, our heart begins to race and our breath becomes labored and stuttered. As a result, we involuntarily send fear signals to our brain which activate our sympathetic nervous system, putting us in a position to fight, take flight, or freeze.

In addition to the physical and measurable signs of stress, stress produces cortisol in the body, which is toxic and causes us to gain weight around our middle and damages and destroys cells in our brain’s hippocampus. Our hippocampus is responsible for coordination of all brain activity, specifically memory and learning. If our hippocampus is weakened by stress, we run the risk of losing our memory, our skills and our ability to learn new skills. Therefore, reducing and neutralizing stress in our lives and from past traumas can reduce the amount of cortisol produced in our bodies, thus reducing damage to our central nervous system.

Breath work offers a chance to influence how our involuntary nervous system responds to stress thus offering an opportunity to reduce and neutralize the negative effects of stress.

Breath work transforms the mindless act of breathing into mindful action. When we stimulate our voluntary nervous system by conditioning and imposing rhythms and patterns on our breath, we are simultaneously imposing, stimulating and conditioning those same patterns onto our involuntary nervous system. Essentially, we have the power to train our brains to respond differently during future stressful situations and during recall of past stressful situations just by practicing active breathing. 

The 4-7-8 Technique

1. Relax your breathing and blow all of the air out through your mouth.
2. Breathe in gently through your nose (with mouth shut) for 4 seconds.
3. Hold the breath for 7 seconds.
4. Push breath out through your mouth for 8 seconds.

Repeat steps 2-4 four (4) times, twice a day, every day. After 1 month, you can repeat steps 2-4 eight (8) times, twice per day but do not repeat more than eight times twice per day.

Dr. Andrew Weil, 4-7-8 breathing technique advocate and practitioner, believes everyone can benefit from breath work:

“Once you develop this breathing technique by practicing it every day, twice a day, it will be a very useful tool that you will always have with you. Use it whenever anything upsetting happens - before you react. Use it whenever you are aware of internal tension. Use it to help you fall asleep. Use it to deal with food cravings. Great for mild to moderate anxiety, this exercise cannot be recommended too highly. Everyone can benefit from it.”

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Plan Ahead

Halloween is just around the corner. Take action and start planning your Red Riding Hood Project costume.

Silent No More

Check out the personal stories shared by survivors on the blog page Identifying a Sociopath.


Fellow survivors make the greatest friends. Stay tuned for future events designed just for us by us!
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