Recovery Tip

Why me? Why did the sociopath pick me?

Sociopaths are predators. Sociopaths do not discriminate when it comes to whom they choose to victimize. Anyone with a conscience, the ability to be remorseful, to love and to empathize and feel deep shame is a potential victim. More often than not, the victims of sociopaths are highly educated and/or skilled, highly compassionate, highly successful and highly accountable. Depending on the resources a particular sociopath covets and desires, anyone with some form of asset is a potential target.

Each and every person that crosses a sociopath’s path is processed by the sociopath according to the following steps:

Assessment – “What does this person have that I need? Status, looks, finances, a business, connections, and fame. I want it all and feel entitled to take it without working hard to get it.”

Idolization – “I will praise and groom this person until she/he is hypnotized by my charm and will feel compelled to give me what I want. Seeking his/her pity will also be very effective.”

Devaluation – “I have what I want and now this person has the audacity to question me and ask for something in return? It’s time for the blaming and shaming. I answer to no one.”

Discard – “Why can’t this person stop thinking for him/herself? I cannot handle non-compliance. This person is dead to me. Next!”

Related CDN article: Identifying and protecting ourselves from sociopaths in our midst

Related blog post: Sociopaths and psychopaths are not fascinating. People who survive them are.

Easy Self-Care

Get fit holistically

Learning new ways of taking care of ourselves is very, very important throughout the healing and recovery process. 

Most of us begin our journeys from a place of physical weakness, sickness, and pain. We may be depressed, drug/alcohol dependent, overweight, or anxious. In addition, we often have digestive issues, adrenal fatigue syndrome, PTSD, and other complications related to autoimmune conditions and diseases.

In addition to taking our prescribed medication and seeking appropriate counseling/therapy, we must also consider mindful and holistic ways to help ourselves become and remain healthy.

A great way to start is by eating better, incorporating exercise into our daily routine, and actively engaging in a spiritual practice. 

“Blah, blah, blah! We hear this all the time, Paula. Doing this is easier said than done, Paula.”

None of us are stupid, unintelligent, or uninformed. We know what is healthy and what is unhealthy. Unfortunately, we keep putting off getting started with healthy routines, because we either think a healthy routine is too hard or too expensive to maintain or we can not bare the idea of failing at something else.

Unfortunately, we can no longer hold onto those fears or make those excuses anymore. If we expect everyone else to respect us, understand us, and pay attention to our abuse story, we need to start respecting, understanding, and listening to ourselves.

1. Throw the idea of failure out the window. No matter how many times you start and stop, you are allowed to start all over again. Just keep trying until it sticks and becomes natural.

2. Don’t starve yourself.  Instead of focusing on what you can’t or shouldn’t eat, focus on buying and trying new healthy foods instead of consuming the foods you know are not healthy.  This technique is referred to as “crowding out” and is an easy way to break old bad habits by replacing them with new, healthy habits.

3. Listen to your body, not someone else’s. Just as each of our stories is unique, the way our bodies and minds heal and recover is also individual. What worked for your friend may not work for you. So experiment with different foods and activities until you discover the ones that effortlessly become a part of your routine. 

4. Discover your ideal meditation practice. Meditation is not restricted to sitting in silence on a cushion and chanting “OM.” Many of us are more than able to connect with ourselves through everyday activities like preparing and cooking meals for our family, listening to music, hiking, playing with our pets, or praying. Going deep into our thoughts brings us closer to our true selves and our natural hopes and dreams, which leads us to take action and improve our creativity and joy.

Successful healing and recovery requires us to  make serious changes to not only what we put into our bodies, but how we make the connection between our body and mind. With each day that we mindfully and thoughtfully listen to ourselves and nurture ourselves with good food and energetic activities, we gain the necessary awareness that leads us to continue to heal and grow.

It’s a beautiful domino effect that keeps us in the light and moving toward brighter light...the brightest light.

Read about other unconventional meditation practices you can try.

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